is it normal to feel like this?

Question

i was in a long term relationship up until september which he ended and i ended up heart broken, i hoped we would get back together, but i know that his moved on and met someone else. i am moving on with my life and have met a few nice guys and they are very nice but i just can't seem to want a relationship with them now as my heart seems closed, and i end up treating them badly as i want to be left alone, i am not a horrible person and i feel bad because i treated them badly because they are nice but i seem to be on a short fuse since breaking up with my b/f. this is my first breakup from a long term relationship, so i just wondering is my feeling normal and how long will it last.

as i feel i am letting alot of good men slip through my fingers because i'm still healing.

real advice no smart comments please
Thanks

Answer 1

absolutely normal, i am sure there are plenty of guys out there, but the effort of a relationship will not be worth it if you are not ready...things like that always turn out bad, give it time

Answer 2

Hun it sounds very much like you are in defencive mode, which is normal.

You've been hurt an hurt bad so you are making sure it doesn't happen again, you don't mean to upset these nice guys that come your way but once you have been hurt its hard to see the good in any guy.

There is no time limit as to how long you will feel like this, the best thing i can suggest you do is just to have fun enjoy yourself as often as you can, sit in front of a good film, spend a day pampering yourself go out an have fun with your friends, as many girls nights out as you can manage, and once you feel really good and i mean REALLY GOOD about yourself an how you are feeling then an only then should you go looking for Mr right.

However the chances are that if you just put the idea of having a relationship right to the back of your mind Mr right will find you Hun, because you will start to emanate a confident happy glow that will attract the right guy for you.

Time is a great healer.

Answer 3

Breaking up is hard to do, for sure! You are not alone in feeling the way you do. Sounds like you have some anger, which is also a normal "side effect" to a broken heart. If you are not up to dating yet, then don't...you must remember that these nice guys you are being mean to had nothing to do with your breakup and taking it out on them is not fair. Remember how it feels to be treated badly. ("Do unto others..." .When you are ready to date again, then you will know. In the mean time, just hang out with friends, enjoy dancing or other activities to help relieve the hurt. It would NOT be a good thing to stay at home and allow the hurt to "fester". Enjoy as much as you can and as time goes on, it will get easier and you will be ready for the dating scene again.Good luck!

Answer 4

Sounds as though you are just going through a process of healing and moving on so I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. It is especailly difficult if he has met someone else as it seems to rub salt into an already open wound. We all go through phases of saying or doing things we think we should do differently but that is all part of an evaluating and learning process.

Don't worry about whether these guys are slipping through your fingers- there are plenty of great guys out there and you only need one! (I assume?!?!) Most importantly you only want someone who is right for you so you don't have to worry that you aren't pursuing these guys- the right guy could pursue you! And if he is really interested he will stick around and get to know you better despite your 'closed' feelings and pushing him away.

Be gentle and loving towards yourself and give yourself a break- you are doing brilliantly and moving on in your own time. I would recommend logging into Will He Call if you want more moral support and to know you really aren't alone. There are distractions and laughter pages too so check it out. http://www.willhecall.com

Take care and I hpoe you feel tonnes better soon. x

"Whatever colour your mood, Will He Call…? is here to help you shrug it off and in no time find yourself shaking with laughter. We all know how torturous it can be just trying to survive in the crazy world of dating and Will He Call…? has plenty to offer in distraction and information. We also know that there are times when it’s just so bad that you have to laugh, and suddenly it doesn’t all feel quite so desperate."

Answer 5

Babe im going through the same thing right now, you have 2 options really one you can go counsiling and talk it over (trust me this is a good one i can now sleep at night without dreaming of him) or you can take things slow, if your still healing babe then dont run the scars any deeper by putting yourself in a position to get hurt again only when your 100% ready get back fishing in that sea but dont uhrt yourself anymore then you already are, or even if you do meet mr right or think you have tell him the situation from day 1 be straight with him and tell him you dont love you ex anymore but you want to move on (be honest with him and say i need you to help me and understand!) and if he stick around knowing your situation then hold on as he is a good one!

If you wanna talk to me anymore my msn is [e-mail] or [e-mail], im always here who knows maybe we can help each other!

Chel
xxxxx

Answer 6

Seems like you are making innocent guys pay for the way you were treated, unintentionally. Lay low for a while, do things by yourself, go out with your friends give yourself a good couple of weeks to get over it and then start accepting dates again. Treat the other guys you meet nicely, remember they did nothing to hurt you and you may just be pushing away someone who really will care and love you. :))) I wish you well and take care.:)))

Answer 7

Just give it time, time can only tell really. Sorry to hear about your break up. You will get stronger from this.
Be friends with blokes and take it slowly and when you feel right you will know. it could be tomorrow or next week and so on but be patient and the Right guy will come along.
You will be happy again one day so keep your chin up.
Good luck

Answer 8

i feel that taking a break from a break up, particularly if it was a long term relationship is vital to your mental well being. you can focus on yourself, heal completely and start anew with a fresh fair outlook.
i myself spent 2-3 alone after a rough breakup and now am with a wonderful guy. i'm glad i did it. no baggage left to bring in with me.

Answer 9

You'll feel better eventually, your taking things out on your new boyfriends because you were hurt previously. while your with these new blokes try to remember that your with someone different who may not hurt you or break your heart, you might find you start feeling better and treating them a little bit nicer

Answer 10

dint think about him and the memories that makes you feel worse as you cn remember how happy you were together and now its over, you will eventually find someone that you like just as much, and when u meet that person/start 2 gt to know them relax around them and dont thik about ur ex as this will make u think 'what am i doin with ...(the new guy)' and you wont want to move on in ur life