HELP! I want to give up on my 10 year old!?

Question

He is a very smart student A & Bs but lately he is disrespectful to his teacher. He is very disorganized he argues alot with classmates and is very forgetful. He just dont seem to care about school anymore and when things go wrong he blames every one else for his problems. He loves video games but they have been taken aqay. I have spanked him and Im just fed up. Im sick of the notes from school sayin what he DIDNT do today and I know he is a smart kid but I also know he is starting puberty(hair under arms) What do I do as a mom I feel like giving up and oh yeah dad is not around we are divorced for 5 years now. My son has gotten worse this grade year. Should I send him to live with my uncle maybe he can raise him better than me. I feel like a failure as a parent and I DONT BELIEVE IN MEDICATING CHILDREN FOR BEHAVIOR PROBLAMS.

Answer 1

Perhaps you could try visiting Dr Phils website. i'm sure he'll be able to help you or try to read one of his books...

www.drphil.com

Answer 2

Maybe he is missing having a dad around. Some boys will act out if there isn't a male influence around. You could try contacting your local Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization. Maybe he could get a Big Brother to spend time with on a weekly basis. Perhaps he needs an outlet for his frustration - like being involved in a sport. Ask him what he likes to do - other than video games. Maybe he needs to find a hobby that would be productive and enjoyable where he feels like he is accomplishing something.

I don't think you should send him to live with his uncle! That would totally send him the message that he is not wanted. His dad has already left him, the last thing he needs if for mom to leave too. Hang in there - he needs you more than anyone. Do you have any male friends or relatives that could spend more time with him? Do you attend church? Many churches have groups for single parents.

I know it's not easy, but love him as best you can! Remember, those who deserve love the least, need it the most.

Answer 3

I have to be honest with you, I clicked on your topic because it reminded me of me. It sounds so much like my almost 10 yr old!

First, it doesn't sound like medication would be warranted in this case. This isn't ADHD or anything that I'd feel would need medicine.

I don't think you're a failure as a parent. This is such a rough age!
I know that part of it is the age. What would make you feel like your uncle would do a better job at raising him than you? How do you think he'd feel about that decision? I know that my son personally may say he'd want to go, but would feel abandoned if he did.

Is he possibly getting teased at school or something? Is he upset about your ex-husband not being around? Did something else happen? Have you considered talking to a school or professional private counselor? I have strongly considered this with my son. Maybe if you get him in counseling, you can get to the bottom of the problem. I truly hope the best for you.

Answer 4

I wouldn't send your son to live with your uncle. He may look at this as a sign of you giving up on him, when he needs you the most right now. Having the Uncle mentor him sounds like a better idea to me, because he will have a positive male figure to look up too. Not to mention someone who will love him as much as you do. From what I have read it doesn't sound like your son is suffering from any behavioral problems.

I am divorced myself raising four children on my own as well. I have been divorced now for 7 years. My ex has no interest in the kids what so ever. This could be one of the things troubling your son (not having a dad around as he grows into a young man). This was something that troubled my sons who are now 21 and 18. As a woman how do you teach a boy to become a man? The importance of his role as head of the family? There were times that I found myself taking time outs to figure out how to handle certain situations. I found myself turning to their God Father. I asked him for his help. His reply was a simple one, he said Tresa you are a good mother, but there are just somethings that a mother can't provide for a son. As there mother I thought that I could provide everything that they needed. When I saw the changes in my sons I realized that I was wrong.

Both parents play an important role in the rearing of children, regardless if they are boys or girls.

My advice to you is to love your son, as a mother would love her son. Try to get your son to talk to you about the thing that is troubling him, and if he isn't ready to talk give him time. While you are giving him time enlist the help of your Uncle. See if the Uncle can get him to open up and express to the both of you the things, concerns, problems he may be having.

Answer 5

I can't believe you want to get rid of your son! Sending him away to someone else would probably make his behavior worse. He is already showing stress from the divorce. That's his father and he needs him too. He needs to be in counseling. His rear end has grown immune to the spanking and he needs more from you now, more concern. Stop blaming yourself for not being able to raise him and concentrate on finding the answers he needs. Have you ever asked him to sit down and talk about what is bothering him to make him act so angry and apathetic? Both of you should go together and get counseling. You need to sift out some positives in this very negative situation. Doing so could turn both of your lives around and you will be making a better future for your son by helping him find alternative ways to handle his mental anguish.

Answer 6

awwww, I'm sorry your baby is having problems. No, I do not think he should be carted off to live with somebody else. He needs you. Don't feel like a failure; it's hard to raise a child alone!!! I think some of it is puberty starting and also the fact that his dad isn't in his life says a LOT. Don't give up on your son! You're all he has, it sounds like. Maybe you could both go to a counselor short-term just for some ideas on how to handle this. Good luck.......

Answer 7

Although my daughter is only 4 months old, I've seen similar behaviour with my nieces and nephews.

I think the first step is to try to determine why he is acting up like he is. Children will act up when they need attention or maybe he's having problems with his friends etc. Try sitting down and talking to him about how his day was, set up a meeting with his teachers to discuss his behaviour. Maybe the two of you can come up with a solution. It could just be the puberty thing too...look what girls go through. My niece is snotty, crabby and just miserable.

I wouldn't spank him. By hitting him you are teaching him that violence is the answer. I wouldn't send him a way either. If he is needing attention, sending him away is the worse thing you can do.

If all else fails, try counselling. Nobody likes to hear that, but honestly, lots of people do it. I agree with you that medicating children is not the answer either...too many doctors are too quick to dope up the children when it's unnecessary.

Well, good luck and I hope everything works out.

Answer 8

spanking never works first of all. You child is challenging everyone around him. Sit him down and have a heart to heart with him and show him that if he continues this behavior what will happen to him as an adult. Last year my son was 10 and was doing the same acting out, yelling and taking things away didn't do any good until I sat him down and told him if he doesn't shape up he will end up at a dead end job and his adult life won't be so happy because mom and dad aren't always going to be there to help him. The pep talk worked this new school year he did a complete turnaround!

Answer 9

Hi...dont give up...its hard raising a child by yourself...what you can do is talk to him...ASK him what is bothering him...it may be other kids at school, it may be the fact that your divorced...if you work that may be playing a part as well...does he have any friends close to where you live? If so make a deal with him say if you have a good day at school you can have so-n-so over...ALWAYS reward POSITIVE behavior....dont harp on the negative...forgive him when things arent going right...he's 10...
Does he see his dad? maybe they need some "father & son" time...if you have medical ins. maybe you can set up an appt. for both of you to talk to ta Therapist...and please, do not send him to live with your Uncle..that will make things worse...Your NOT a failure...your a mom & lots of us go through this....meanwhile, try to relax.. No one said parenting is easy....good luck & Never give up....

Answer 10

Next Monday wake him up and tell him since he doesn't care about school anymore, he doesn't have to go to school today. Make him a nice breakfast, and then give him some hard manual labor to do. Dig a hole all day long. I'm not talking some menial task, but something hard physically. Don't give in. Give him a lunch break of 30 minutes, then work him until 5 o'clock. The next day don't let him go to school. Have him fill in the hole he dug the day before. Stay on him. Do this for a week. Then on Saturday ask him if he wants to go to school or work next week. If he says school, tell him he will have to straighten up and fly right or his life will be just like last week.

Answer 11

No, never never give up on your son. He has at least another 50 to 70 years to go.

I was once, or many once, a very difficult child. It took my mum to put in a lot of effort to guide, scold and cane me to develop me.

It is very important for you to show your concern but you have to let him know he himself is the very important person to ensure a good future life.

He may need a mentor. I can be his mentor if you don't mind. I can share my experience with him. May be as a guy, I can relate to him. The other mentor could be the pastor of a church if you are a christian.

May be you would like to talk to the teachers as well. Discuss with them to understand their point of views. You all may be able to figure out what is bothering him.

I do agree with you that medication is not the answer to the problem.