I have been friends with this person for over 12 years. Our relationship has been strained recently due to our conflicting schedules. I work a "normal" shift/days/etc., but she is a nurse and works a lot of hours/double shifts/etc. There are fewer times when we can get together. I always find I'm having to get together with her on HER terms.
She called Saturday and asked my plans for Sunday. Then she asked if I MIGHT want to do something the next day. We didn't make any concrete plans. I also had to go to dinner that night and just didn't feel that good and wanted to relax. So I didn't call her. She called and left a message saying if I wanted to get together "sometime before summer", to call her and bitched I hadn't called her on Sunday. I've been through this before with her, where she doesn't make plans and then is nowhere to be found when you call HER, since she decided to go out with somebody else. I'm tired of this behavior. Is it worth it to even call?
2007-02-22 00:53:53 · 11 answers · asked by Angela M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This isn't the first time I've talked to her about this. She's over 40 years old. She gives me the "sh*tty friend" speech about once a year or so.
2007-02-22 02:01:28 · update #1
I dealt with this situation with my best friend(at least she used to be) Her and I have known each other for several years. I am a single gal and she is married.Our relationship was usually based on her terms....which I usually just accepted. I also am raising two children, building a home with Habitat for Humanity, work full time and I began dating last summer. One day I had a small window of time so I scooted to her house to visit and she complained to me why I don't visit more often and insinuated that I spend all my free time dating. I was so hurt and angry at that moment I got up and walked away before I said something I would regret. I spent the next several months trying to connect with her, talk it out and re-connect. NOT ONE response from her, nothing.
Again......always on her terms.
I finally let the whole damn relationship go......I mean how stupid and silly and quite selfish of her.
No, to answer your question.....it's probably not worth it to call and reconcile.
2007-02-22 01:13:31 · answer #1 · answered by Janet 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you made tentative plans and then didn't even bother to call because you were too tired, then I think she has reason to be a bit upset. You could have at least called and said "I think I'm going to pass on today because I'm not feeling good". That takes almost no effort. Now that doesn't mean she wouldn't be upset that you can't make it, but at least you aren't leaving her hanging.
As to the bigger issue. If you feel the friendship just isn't working for you anymore, just stop calling and when she calls don't talk for a long time. Don't give BS excuses for not doing things with her, but you can say you don't feel like it or you have other plans - doesn't matter if your other plans are to just sleep in. If you feel it's a friendship you want to salvage, then talk to her about what you're feeling.
2007-02-22 01:05:16 · answer #2 · answered by Justin H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds very selfish and hurtful, maybe even controlling. Is this really the type of friend you enjoy having? Does she really live up to the word "friend"? I would really think about if she is worth staying in contact with, even after 12 years. I am sure you can find other people that would treat you kinder. Your last 2 statements say it all.
2007-02-22 01:10:20 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like she is very sensitive and insecure. She probably values your friendship but only sees things through her side of the window- not yours too. I would be nice and call her and tell her you do try to make plans with her quite often and that you too have a busy schedule. Try talking to her and make her see how she is- Some people don't realize how they are and need to be told.
2007-02-22 01:04:38 · answer #4 · answered by Teddy Bear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so she does the same to you as well, so dont bother calling her untill she grows up, im sure she will call u back and say sorry, and if she ask you why u never called her, just say the summer is not over yet you were gonna wait till the day it ended lol, no really just tell her you dont like the way she talks to you. im sure things will work out
but dont say sorry to her cause you have nothing to be sorry for
2007-02-22 01:01:33 · answer #5 · answered by sammi j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be extremely honest and to the point with your friend(without being diplomatic). tell her how you feel. not like in a complaining cranky way .tell her you do not believe in playing petty mind games or dodging one another to meet up. and say this-'' so if you want to meet me and I'm free as well then it would be great to catch up,coz i don't wanna loose you as a friend.'' don't keep calling her or appear as though you are her door mat and will jump whenever she is free.
the bottom line of all friendships is respect-so if there is not enough shown then move on and if you think there is scope for her to respect you then give it a shot !
2007-02-22 01:32:19 · answer #6 · answered by spin spin sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you've been friends for 12 years, its definetly worth the call. but also confront her on the way shes been acting, maybe she doesn't realize it and can then work on changing it.
2007-02-22 00:58:27 · answer #7 · answered by Liz B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she was probably drunk or intoxicated. my girlfriend was telling me about how this guy was talking to her friend all weird because he was drunk
so just figure out what happened and forgive her if neccessary.
2007-02-22 00:56:40 · answer #8 · answered by John Becker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is it worth losing ur 12 yr friendship?
2007-02-22 00:59:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes you just have to wash your hands and move on.
2007-02-22 00:57:44 · answer #10 · answered by Jewel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋