How can I stop the pain im feeling, now that our relationship is really over...?

Question

I broke up with my ex-bf 2 months ago...he is so demanding and he always blame me for everything...he forgets his promises most of the time and sometime ago i caught him cheating on me over the internet. I cant forget the day that he made me look like dirt in front of his family...he said so many things, it hurts so bad that i decided to end our relationship, we lasted 4 years and since the breakup he never stopped calling me, begging and crying over the phone for another chance. I really love him so much, leaving him kills me inside. I just really want him to learn and realize how he should have cherished the times that were 2gether. Last night was his last call, he told me that he will start to find someone that will love him and sum1 hu will not give him so much pain like i did. he even asked my friends for text mates, w/c had hurt me more. I know ill never love someone like i loved him. This pain should stop, i dont deserve this. Please help me, i really need your advice, thank you

Answer 1

The problem with being in a controlling relationship is that even when its over, the guys still controlling you emotionally. Theres nothing you can do but give it time and totally remove yourself from talking to him or anyone associated with him. You will find someone who will not control you and make you feel like a queen. When you do you will be thankful for leaving him, even if you do love him still. Go out with your friends, explain to them to please stop talking to him and that you are trying to move on. If your friends are realy your friends they will understand.

Answer 2

As much as it hurts now you really are doing the right thing. Some people change - sometimes, but from the things you've outlined here it seems he really didn't value you like he should have and that could be a result of poor upbringing - especially since you said he bad mouthed you in front of his family. However, 4 years is a long time and maybe he has learned the lesson you were trying to teach him and is now ready to cherish you like he should. Consider giving him another chance, but if you can't (and I totally understand if you can't) then trust me when I say the pain will eventually go away, it will be less and less each day. Be strong and good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Answer 3

UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP! You will get past the pain, there is not an easy way to rid yourself of this pain. You can ask yourself why you chose to be in an abusive relationship. What can you change about you?would you like to change, so this does not happen again. You need to go through the hurt, it will pass and one day you will meet another. In the mean time work on your own self- esteem, respect who you are and take from this relationship the lesson it can teach you. He can cry all he wants, he is not going to change. He also is trying to get you back by the actions and words he is telling you. Let someone else be with him, you have a life and can fill it with good female friends who have been in such relationships. YOU HAVE MADE A HEALTHY, GOOD DECISION! Do not play games with him or give him mixed messages, stick to your word. There are many ways to fill the void and make healthy choices, sometimes it is good to get professional help or go to a group for co- dependents, that group is free. I think you are young, and he is immature. Do you want to be treated in this manner for your life? Walk with your head up, knowing you can only change you. Talk with someone who can advise you in this path you are taking. It takes time to have pain subside, but you can get past it, be positive, make positive choices, get busy doing things that are comforting and fun for you! Best of Luck

Answer 4

First remember who hurt you. If he hurt you why are you punishing your self for his wrong doings? we swallow th epoinson and hope he dies in a sense. Don't be all sad and hurt and angry all the time if he hurt you. Be happy that you are worth more than that and know it. Tell yoiur self to be happy. Dont just leave someone to show them something because if you really love him you'll lose him. But if you left because you will truly be happy than think of it as an upgrade. Dont answer the call sno matter how hard it is to resist. Surround your self with how you wann afeel. love and happiness. You will love someone agian and because of this experience you;'ll love them even more. I know it doesnt feel like it now and will not for a bit, but you will wake up free one morning of thoughts of sadness and can move on. Your wounds or still fresh right now and you probably shouldnt try to move on right now, but you can and will eventually

Answer 5

Yes it is going to hurt like hell. But be strong. You'll have to distance yourself from him until it get easier and it will with time.When someone truly loves you they will respect you and not run you in the ground and blame everything on you. I know from experience. I had a boyfriend that I was totally in love with for 8 years. He started using drugs and messing around with other women. I found out and was in denial. Didn't want to believe he would hurt me like that but he did. Well I broke it off and believe me it was one of the hardest things I've had to do and it took me about 4 years before I could even think about talking to him without hating him. Now we are friends. Sometimes people are just not meant to be together and we have to go through hurtful things to get to where we are supposed to be!!! God Luck sweetie and be strong!!!!!!!

Answer 6

He is still trying to manipulate your feelings with his calls. The first step is to break off all communication with him. From there, take some time and get back in touch with yourself. Do something that you have always wanted to do or just get pampered. Get a massage, manicure and pedicure. You will start to feel better almost immediately. Remember that the only person you have responsibility for making happy is you. It will still be difficult, but in time you will find someone new who can respect you and treat you properly.

Answer 7

He's mentally abusing you and the "love" you feel is really guilt and sympathy .
All of what he 'gave' to you was just in order to get you under his control, and under his influence, so you would cater to all of his needs while he catered to none of yours.
he didnt love you, he used you under the 'guise' of loving you.
This is such a classic, simple example of an abusive relationship it's almost funny, that you wouldnt' see through it and know better by now. There are so many sources of insight and help for a situation like this.....
Maybe read a book or two by Adam Jukes...

Someone who really respected you wouldnt call you anymore, theyd give you space, they wouldnt taunt you with 'other people' they wouldnt accuse you of bad things that you never did or intended to do; they certainly wouldnt put you down in private or in public, hell if he likes you why is he with you when he thinks so low of you? Doesnt that look like a convenient scapegoat situation there?
I am insulted he would bother to vcall you just to say hurtful things to you. That should kill any emotion you have/had left for him because it shows you what an *** he is! You deserve better than that; and he deserves far less than you- if anyone at all.

Answer 8

caught him cheating over the internet.. they were probably just flirting. i mean its not like they met up.. but if he forgets his promises you really gotta start being mean to him. don't talk to him as much until he realizes what he did wrong and says sorry and means it. if he has an attitude, hang up.

i can see that if you leave, he'll be running after you. so just make him realize that everytime he does something wrong. like temporarily talk to him less and change your voice to show you are sad.

since he said that tell him he's an ****** and that he's not worth it and he doesn't really love you if he's willing to look right away. when you find out who his new girlfriend is you should tell her all about what he did.

the pain will stop, it is just hard to let go of things you care about. it will take time and you will eventually find someone to make you happy.

goodluck

Answer 9

We sometimes confuse the extreme pain, and need to try to make someone love us, we confuse it with love. We think to ourselves oh we must really be in love because of this extreme feeling inside me. But the truth of the matter is, love real love is NOT painful. Real love is easy, love is not jealous, real love gives you a light feeling in your heart. your heart feels like its warming up as you think of them. Real love trusts, anything other then this peaceful warm feeling are issues and problems with the people involved. This man doesnt love you, he doesnt even know or love himself. And trust me you will love again and all that pain you feel will ease when you have a healthy relationship with a secure loving man. What you are experiencing right now is obsession. If real love was in your life you wouldnt feel haunted and insecure. Rest assured real love will come to you, but you have to be able to let go of men that will hurt and abuse you like this man. He sounds like a controller, blaming you for everything?? He cheats on you on the net,???? He forgets all his promises and he puts you down in front of his family? STOP right now close your eyes do you really really think this is LOVE? When a man loves you he rises you up, he cares what you think, he praises you in front of his family and friends. He thinks of you and only you. This man can create and give pain but he goes ballistic when you took the control to end it. Hes a sick young man. Sorry.

Answer 10

First of all asking your friends was a plan to hurt you wake up this guy is a baby and trying to still hurt you the pain will get better just because you won't talk to him anymore a clean break is always easier.