lying partner????

Question

Ever since we have been together(nearly five years)things to make me distrust him keep coming up.Hes never cheated on me, that Im pretty sure of but I keep on finding things out that show me hes been looking at porn/calling sex lines etc. If he was just honest then I would like it but Id accept it, its the fact he so strongly denies it-hes even broken up with me before when Ive told him that I know hes lying-ive heard him calling these numbers and doin re-dial when hes finished, how much more proof do I need but he just refuses to discuss it and gets very defensive and angry.
In every other way hes a wonderful partner-he treats me wel and i do love him but him lying to me is just pushing me away.Ive told him this and even said there will come a point where I cant take the lying anymore but he will never just be honest with me.
Id be heartbroken if he did confess but at least i would have respect for him for being honest.At the moment I just think hes being pathetic.
what should I do

I dont nag him, its gotten to the point where I cant even be bothered to mention it.I know men like to relieve themselves in this type of way i just wish he could be man enough to be honest about it.Its the decietfulness I cant handle, nothing else.

Answer 1

I don't know how you've put up with it for this long! Honesty and trust are so important in a relationship! Only you can decide what to do though. If he's been lying for so long chances are he's not going to quit, he's just going to try to be more careful as not to get caught. Just listen to your heart and decide if you can, or want to, live that way! Good Luck!

Answer 2

I don't really know what to tell you. I will tell you my story instead. My ex-husband had the same problem, and it's a problem. He would call these lines and phone bills in excess of 500.00 would appear, so I confronted him about it and he told me, "I can't talk about those things with you!" He was reading pornographic material too. It got progressively worse. He had books on Beastiality and Incest. That's when I got upset. He also wanted sex I didn't want to engage in (Anal, SM, bondage, etc.) He eventually couldn't restrain himself anymore and on one night he raped me, sodimised me! I was injured, bleeding and feeling ashamed. I had a nervous breakdown shortly after that, and I lost everything. My kids my mind, my self respect. I've been divorced since 93' and have sinced learned that what I had suspected and feared the most had happened. My daughter, his daughter, told me that he had tried to moleste her when she was very young, but she was too smart and it never went that far. I think pornography sickens the mind and the more they get into it the more they a compulsed to act it out. Saying that if he would only confess to it would make it okay with you is a dangerous prospect. He's obviously ashamed of his addiction and may eventually turn on you. Be careful.

Answer 3

He is probably embarrassed, maybe that is something he has always done and doesnt feel like he needs to explain hisself.. if you were turned on by something that you have always kept secxret you probably wouldnt just come out with it if someone called you out. LIke I said it may be embarrassing to him. Men usually push away or act all defensive and angry when they are being comfronted with the truth. Maybe ask him if he wants you to talk to him over the phone all sexy like? or tell him you know the people at teh other end are fat and old right? lol
Homestly when things begin to bother you and you cant change your feelings it only gets worse. Arguments will get worse. You will feel worse. dont think about it like your less or something. and defenetly don't take it out on yourself by being sad or angry all the time. you sound like you really love `him so maybe you can try to still talk to him and tell him that you could accept it or get over it if you knew exactly what it was you were accepting.

Answer 4

He's growing away from you and you nagging him isn't making him want you more. If you keep this up, you'll be on your own real soon. Men like looking at naked sexually forward women and not necessarily one he's dating or living with. The porn industry is a multi-billion dollar industry because they know this. Women are always interested in getting attention to themselves, no matter how it comes. So women in the industry know that guys like looking at them, which is why they're so into displaying themselves to guys.

Women like shopping, guys like porn....Sorry, but that's a fact of life.

Thumbs down this answer all you want, but it's still the truth. I'm sorry that you can't handle the truth. If you don't want honest answers, don't bother to ask the question.

Answer 5

You've put up with this for 5 years? Perhaps he's ashamed of what he's doing - maybe he's addicted to it. Perhaps you could try and get him to get help. It doesn't sound like he's going to talk about it or to stop, so if you can't live with him lying to you (and I wouldn't) then you know where the door is. Stay with a friend for a week or so. It might be what he needs to give him a wake-up call, and to start sorting it out.

Answer 6

well honey, i can understand you being worried about the lying coz if he lies about this then what else will / could he lie about BUT... it sounds like he is ashamed about what he is doing and is worried that you wont accept it. Lots of blokes watch porn and call them lines but its nothing serious because he is not sleeping with other woman. maybe you should try and watch porn movies with him??? its a sugestion, maybe if he see's that its nothing to be ashamed of. He must feel that if he admits it he will be letting you down, making you disapointed in him. He needs to tell you in his own time or you will eventually push him out of your life. Maybe a hot, steamy, sexy weekend away will do you both some good, make you both realise that spark is still there and not frizzing away. hope this helps honey!!

Answer 7

My Daughter's name is Tara? So I'm wanting to help. I'm one, who thinks "Real Love" should have no mysteries. There should only be total trust, in every thing that happens. Once there is something that don't feel right? There's usually a whole bunch, under the surface. I wish you Luck, & Love, Dear Lady. Be sure of yourself. Your Heart is the one to take care of.

Answer 8

Hope you're not thinking this is your fault, he's the one with a problem communicating. I hate liar's but he's obviously embarrassed by what he's doing. Get the phone company to send you a list of all the calls made and put it in his face. Why do men have to be so pervy?

Answer 9

Think he's just feeling really guilty and he thinks it's wrong to look at porn or ring chatlines but can't help himself. maybe you could talk to him calmly and tell him that you don't mind and it's natural (especially for men!!)?, Think he would probably open up to you if he thought it wouldn't bother you. Or you could tell him you would like to see the mags aswell. That way he won't feel that it is so wrong. Good luck xx

Answer 10

He may be a compulsive liar. In either case, he needs therapy to end this cycle. Sign up for marriage counseling courses for the both of you. Give him the option of attending or living alone.