Breaking wind in public?

Question

If you were at a formal function or maybe at a meeting and you accidentally broke wind (from either end) what would you do? Would you admit it, or pretend someone else had done it?

Thanks for the answers, I haven't laughed so much for ages.

I'll say it again, I haven't laughed so much in ages. These answers are genius. It's a shame I can only pick one best answer. I'd like to give you all 10 points.
Thank you.

Answer 1

Depends.

Are we talking about a one-cheek sneak that's all fury and no sound? You know, smell only.

Those allow for complete deniability. DO NOT pretend you don't smell it. Do NOT look around the room in outrage. Just look vaguely annoyed and slowly walk away.

S L O W L Y.

If you walk away quickly, you will pull it along with you in your wake.

Now, are you talking about one of those cheekslapping roars that's all sound and no fury? Your options are more limited, depending on your poker face and/or mortification level.

If you're in mid-conversation with someone, you can:

1. Cut and run. That's right, don't even try to salvage the situation. You've done all but crap yourself in their presence, after all, and most societies would probably concur that there was nothing else to say at that point.

2. The conspiratorial/silent apology look. Make eye contact and basically adopt a "we both know what I just did, sorry about that, can we please pretend it never happened?"

3. Wry references to Taco Bell. "I guess I should have dropped the chalupa."

4. Sincere apology. Yeah, I had to throw it in here somewhere. Look mortified and say, "I am so sorry about that, please forgive me." Whether they do or don't, take your leave soon after.

5. A total lie: "In some cultures, that's how they say the meal was excellent."

6. Provoke their competitive spirit by saying, "okay, your turn!"

Answer 2

The other people's answers are a riot!!!
ROTFLMAO.

The Charles, Esq. Manual of Farts and brups says it all. some in agreement with others.
For silent ones:
First hope there is a seeing eye dog nearby. Gently wave hand in front of nose, staring at dog.
If no dog is available, pick on the nearest older, fatter, or uglier person. Use the same hand motion as when using the dog technique.
If not near a dog or likely person simply walk to another area.
Once in a shop I laid down one nothing short of tear gas that hung there. I moved farther on and watched other people walking through it. Looking round, at each other, and especially their own children was a wonder to behold.

If loud, follow the above, but simply move left or right from the person or dog nearest you. Look totally disgusted, do not fan air.

A hint about burping: Do so with mouth closed, then gently release at your discretion.

--That Cheeky Lad

Answer 3

If it was a burp, I would say excuse me. If it was from the other end, I would pray it wouldn't stink. But the less said the better.
I did this to my hubby while we were dating. We had been to a Mexican restaurant before a movie. During the movie (A Walk in the Clouds), I broke gas, really bad.. I'm sure if the theater was not as loud it would have been heard more than just smelt. I did the honorable thing, hum... I looked at my date, and said, "was that you" and scooted as far away from him that I could in those theater seats. He just took it. Thank goodness it was dark though.

Answer 4

If its a belch then say excuse me, if its a fart then either try to time the fart to a cough, and say 'excuse me'. Or you could just pretend the fart didn't happen but you'd have to be a good actor to get away with that, while everyone else stands there bemused and wonder if they really just heard what they thought they heard.

If silent and rotten, then you can always pretend it wasn't' you, say something like 'my god, did the dog come back in, whats that smell' and try to leg it, ha ha.

If all else fails, make a joke about it, its not like we all don't do it.

Answer 5

if its a burp then say parden me, but if its from other end... depends.

if silent:
pray that it isn't violent and honking but if it is then dont try blame others just looke annoyed and a quick glance around the room. sigh.

if loud/hearable:
pretend it never happened, if they ignore it too or think they didnt actually hear it then fine.. but if they laugh either laugh a bit with them and carry on talking or if everyone looks back then u turn back too, look the direction they all/most are.

best is to keep them occupied by TALKING!! or cough loudly when u do it...

it is a natural thing anyway...

Answer 6

Breaking wind is not foul.

Foul is being impolite and not saying excuse me. or doing it in peoples faces.

Burping in public should be taken into the closed mouth and then breath out through your nose. This helps filter the smell especially when sat at a meal.

trumping is not a crime and it is bad for your body if you hold it in.
You can try to go out of the meal room if possible don't worry if you squeak on the way lol just say excuse me, Most likely people will sniger. Just remember everyone does it and is our body's natural function.

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Answer 7

I never laughed when I'm alone reading something, but now I can't stop laughing. It's the funniest question and answers I have found in Yahoo or else where.

Answer 8

Are you kidding? I live for these opportunities. You have to adopt a humourous pose, for example the cocked leg, the sumo squat, or the bend-over, then announce something like "Go ahead Sarge!" or, "Knife, spoon, spatula, fork, listen to my ringpeice squawk!" etc. and let rip. For added affect, try some pantomime style wafting accompanied by fragrance analysis, "Mmmm, a fruity little number with a hint of beans..."

Answer 9

Depends silent but violent then one must move discretely away and not own up. If there is no getting away from the fact that someone in your local group is responsible then you may as well apologise, profusely if necessary rational persons will think better of you.

Answer 10

I don't know what I would do, that is a tough one! I would try and blame I suppose or apologise most sincerely. Depends on how the others take it, if they laugh their heads of them well it's ok but if they look in disgrace and shock I would just rush off I think...