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I have been living with my bf for 10 years, at first we were madly in love. we both had very bad drug problems but loved each other very much. We both got clean a few years ago and i think that we have changed. He got his degree, but refuses to even apply for a job (hes been on disability since ive known him) I will graduate in april with a degree in chemistry and the job market looks good. I had another job as a waitress a few monts ago and i made a lot of money, he basically gave me an ultimatum...quit or be homeless b/c he never saw me with school then straight to work until midnight, so i quit, now all he does is complain that i have no money I think that he is threatened by me being more sucessful than him, we fight all the time. Hes controling w/money he doesnt let me go out. Then theres this other guy, i slept w/him and think i like him alot. i have never been so attracted to someone or cheated b4. I dont want to throw away the last 10 yrs, but im not happy, is there any hope

2007-02-21 23:48:18 · 27 answers · asked by goaway 2 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

27 answers

Here is my feeling: you do not make an ultimatum unless you are willing to live witht he consequences. You are not happy with the situation and he seems unwilling to change. You should walk away and be happy.

2007-02-21 23:52:13 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 4 0

I'm sorry to say I don't think there is. In your heart I don't think you do either otherwise you wouldn't have slept with someone else. You've just both grown apart - or you've grown up and he hasn't. You sound as though you're staying together because of nostalgia rather than because you actually like him. For instance, you didn't tell us any good points about him. Is that because you don't see any in him anymore? The fairest thing would probably be to go your separate ways so that both of you can get what you really want out of life. Remember the good times and be grateful for what you achieved together - coming off drugs isn't easy - but don't let the past dictate your future. I agree with you that your b/f does sound like he is threatened by your potential success.

Also would advise taking it slowly with this new guy. Get to know who you are a bit first. You've obviously changed a lot over 10 years and you have a lot of opportunities waiting for you out there in the job market too. Believe in yourself! It looks like the future could be great for you, but you have to make the decision and move towards it.

2007-02-22 08:12:53 · answer #2 · answered by astrokitty 2 · 0 0

u want different things from life, u want a life and he doesn't, yes i would leave him, even after 10 years. if he is giving u ultimatums it is time to leave, u are doing what is right in life he is not, are u really going to be happy in a life, what happens when u get out of school and need to work, he will tall u to stay with him. your just not on the same page anymore. there could only be hope if he is willing to listen to u and stop being so controlling. but it is doubtful because people don't often change, he may feel threatened by your goals, and the fact he has none, so he wants u to have none too.

2007-02-22 07:59:28 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0 0

I think that if you know in your heart that you're ready to leave then get a job and a place of your own and leave. Sometimes people grow out of each other. You have to think about this one thing do I want to wait until I'm 20 years into the relationship and then leave and I have no clue as to what to look for in a good man. I think that you've out grown him and he is going to be stuck on the level he's on while you keep going higher, and if you allow him to he will hold you back from your happiness. He doesn't want you to succeed he just wants to control you. Been there done that. Find the stregnth within yourself and let him go. But do it when you know that you can let him go and not look back.

2007-02-22 08:00:13 · answer #4 · answered by PASSIONATE LOVE 2 · 0 0

10 years? are you crazy??, well Im gonna give it to you. Leave the lozer hmm the guy is a (read my lips) Lu uuhh zer her, "loozer". He has a degree and now wants to spil your furure. What a loozer. Finish your degree and g back to that job that makes you muller. Its all about the benjamis.why is he going to complain that you are always broke when he cant lift his be hind to get a job. Leave the guy my babe. 10 years if fr married people. if he coulnt marry in 10 years, what more do you expec. the gy had his chance, the guy messed it up.

About the new guy hmm. dont know. you know feeling the wamth of the bed with him doesnt really make him the one. instead, try ME. get my email from this site.

ciao

by the way congradulations on you quiting of drugs

2007-02-22 08:04:20 · answer #5 · answered by guineous 1 · 0 0

No ther is no hope. This guy is going no where fast. I sounds like you have already moved on, so keep going. 10 yrs is long time and there has been no change in the realationship i.e. marriage.
What will you really be throwing away? Your time together has passed. See where things might go with this guy if seems to be more than a sex thang. Girl, you deserve happiness everyone does.

2007-02-22 07:57:26 · answer #6 · answered by momseekinganswers 2 · 0 0

Go for it. . Chalk the 10 yrs up to finding out what a jerk you are living with. G E T - O U T - N O W.
Your bf will not change & u have. Continue with your new found friend & Good Luck to you in your chosen field. Best of all; congrats for getting straight. I did too with a power greater than my own. . .

2007-02-22 07:57:55 · answer #7 · answered by Jim W 4 · 0 0

Absolutely there is hope. You said the magic words "I'm not happy" If you aren't happy, there is no need in the world to make yourself miserable all the time. What happens when you graduate in April and some big company wants you to be their chemist and it's so far from where you are now. Is he going to move with you? I doubt it. Get out now before he convinces you that you don't need your degree. Good Luck!

2007-02-22 07:52:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

I'm going to answer with a question for you. If you aren't happy now and haven't been for awhile now, do you want to be with someone who will continue to bring you down and be miserable for another 10 yrs? You have worked hard to be where you are today and congrats! I think it's time for you to move on and leave your past behind. I also think you should have done this sooner as the cheating thing wasn't very cool...what if he'd done it to you? I wish you good luck.

2007-02-22 07:58:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

No move on! If you felt like you could cheat then your relationship is already over. Your boyfriend sounds like a looser sorry but controlling and jobless and possessive - not good qualities to have! Go for the new guy or even just be single for a while give yourself some you time!

2007-02-22 07:52:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

The only time that you can change a man is if he is in diapers so move on! If youre unhappy then just move out and get your own place and take it one step at a time. In life we choose how it plays out and 10 years of your life is long enough to know its not gonna work so leave. He is probably acting this way to make you leave!

2007-02-22 07:57:09 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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