2007-02-21 23:42:31 · 12 answers · asked by kevin.grady 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Nurses are bathing a woman in a coma when one of them notices a slight response on the vital signs monitor when they touch her genitals.
So they say to her husband "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will bring her out of the coma." Naturally the husband is sceptical, but they ensure him they will have total privacy. The husband figures he has nothing to lose and agrees.
A few minutes pass when the monitor flat-lines and alarms start to sound. the nurses burst into the room.
"What happened?" they cry.
The husband says " I think she choked."
2007-02-22 03:17:14 · answer #1 · answered by Charles Montgomery Burns 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A police man catghes ayoung couple in a door way making love he says hey i know you you the postmans son your father won`t be happy about this."you don`t have to tell him do you they begged well not if I can go next says the policeman,so the boy replies I`ll do my best but i`ve never f**Ked a copper before.
2007-02-25 15:41:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you got?.......A piece of black tarmac walked into a rough pub on the white side of town. As he ordered a pint the barman said "you're brave drinking in here!" The Tarmac replied "I've got no worries, I'm the hardest tarmac around" and sat down to drink his pint. When a piece of red tarmac walked in the black tarmac dived under the table and stayed there until the red tarmac had gone. The barman said "I thought you were the hardest tarmac around?" and the black tarmac replied........................"I am but that red tarmac is a blooming cycle path!"
2007-02-22 00:08:02 · answer #3 · answered by supated 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have to say anything that Rodney Dangerfield ever said on stage about getting "NO RESPECT". Some punchlines are:
"No respect at all! When I was a baby I had to be breastfed by my father because my mother only wanted to be friends."
"I looked up my family tree, and two dogs were using it."
"My old man was dumb. He worked at a bank until he got fired for stealing pens."
"On my way home I saw a naked man running down the street. I stopped to ask him why he was running down the street? He said "because you came home early.""
"My wife, I have no sex life. She said she wanted to have sex in the backseat of the car, and she wanted me to drive."
"I'm in a great mood. I just signed a new contract with General Motors for two years. I bought a new car."
"I went to a Chinese restaurant and opened up my fortune cookie and found the check of the guy next to me. I turned to him and said, "I've got your check." He said, "thanks".
"I played a different version of Russian roulette. We passed around 6 girls and one had VD."
"I grabbed a cab and asked the driver to take me where I could get some action. He took me to my house."
"Eating has overtaken sex completely. I had a mirror put over the dinner table."
"I went to see my Doctor. I said, "Doc, when I look into a mirror I get sick and throw up." I asked him, "What's wrong?" He said, "You're sick, but your eyesight is perfect."
I went to my psychiatrist. I told him "I think I'm going crazy." I said, "Maybe I should get a second opinion." He said, "Yeah, and you're ugly, too."
"I have a gay cousin who went to London. He was disappointed that Big Ben was a clock. In school he took Biology. While the other students were opening up frogs, he was opening up flies."
"I went to a bar. The bartender said, "What will you have?" I said, "anything". He showed me a naked picture of my wife."
"I was an ugly kid. I had pimples all over my face. I fell asleep and woke up. A blind man was reading my face."
2007-02-22 00:16:38 · answer #4 · answered by gone 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A joke told to me by a dear friend long ago.
2007-02-21 23:53:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man,wife and teenage daughter are all watching Tom and Jerry on TV.The man says to his wife..'Go and get the coal..the fire's going out.' She says that she is enjoying the cartoon and that the daughter should go.She also wants to see Tom and Jerry so refuses.
Eventually they decide that the first one to talk has to get the coal.
The three sit there in silence.
The girl's boyfriend arrives..'Coo-ee, anyone home?'
No-one answers.
He lets himself in. No-one says anything.
He kisses the girl.....no-one says a word.
He takes her clothes off....silence.
He makes love to her on the floor..STILL no-one says anything.
He looks over to the girl's mother who is quite a looker herself.
'What's up?" ...no reply.
He puts his arm around her...no reaction.
He kisses her and makes love to her on the sofa...STILL no-one says a word.
"I'm hungry..any chance of a sandwich?"...no reply
"OK..I'll make it myself."
As he is making a sandwich,he cuts himself with the breadknife.
He calls out:
"Excuse me..where do you keep the vaseline in this house??"
The father says.........." I'LL go and get the coal!!"
2007-02-22 10:56:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one but i like this one.
A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre- so he gave her one.
2007-02-22 00:14:49 · answer #7 · answered by Definately Maybe 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The "little green bike" joke.
2007-02-21 23:48:59 · answer #8 · answered by Del Piero 10 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No idea!!! hehe... All the jokes are funny... But it's very hard for me to decide which one is the best.. hehe...
2007-02-21 23:46:46 · answer #9 · answered by yongmunyee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The one my friend told me while walking along the beach eating chips.
'Watch out for that horse'.
Just before I walked into it
2007-02-21 23:55:39 · answer #10 · answered by Dreamweaver 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋