How do you get people to like you or to love you?

Question

I know, I know, it does sound pathetic.

I'm 37, and will be 38 soon. I've never in my life had a friend, or a girlfriend. All 'love' I've received in my life I had to pay for.

I'm fairly successful, educated (a researcher, with several published papers, including co-authoring two papers in _Nature_), not rich but in a comfortable financial situation, and not bad looking.

I don't understand. I've never managed to get anyone to be anything more than a distant acquaintance, and I've never managed to convince a woman to dance with me.

How do people manage to be loved and/or liked? I see individuals who don't seem particularly bright, or interesting, and not even clean or well-behaved, yet they do have friends and lovers.

Answer 1

learn to relax and show them what you're really like. you gain friends and lovers by being warm, someone easy to talk to, genuinely kind, witty, smart (without being full of yourself), willing to listen. a good personality can go a long way. reach out to people, it's not as hard as you think it is. :)

Answer 2

I don't know. I am only trying to think of all the possibilites why you are having such a dificult time.

1. Do you flaunt the fact that you are financially comfortable?
2, Do you flaunt the fact that you are an accomplished person?
3. Do you talk mainly about yourself?
4. How do you dress? Are you sloppy, and unkempt?
5. Do you have bad breath?
6. Do you show that your are desperate, or feel insecure that at this age you have no significant other?

Be honest to yourself when you answer these questions, otherwise you are only fooling yourself.
If you answered yes to even one of these questions then that is your mistake. If one or more do apply to you then correct them.

In order to develope a relationship. You must show the other person that you are sincerely interested in them . You must be a good listener. That is the first rule., among the others 6 itemized questions.

If you don't hit it off at least she will be left with a favorable opinion about you, and may mention to one of her friends that she met a fantastic guy, but she feels you are not for eachother, but maybe she thinks that her friend would be good for you, and hook the two of you up.

Wish you all the luck.

Answer 3

I feel so bad for you. You need to have more self confidence. Some people get the impression that maybe you're not interested if you shy away and don't reach out. I am like that. I finally have a really good friend. I am 35 years old and shy. I discovered my problem was my body language telling others I am not interested because I would keep to myself. You need to reach out to others and just start simple conversations. Reach out to people. Don't be introverted. I know it's not as easy as it sounds. Smile to others. Don't look down. The key is having confidence in yourself. You sound like a wonderful person. Keep your chin up!

Answer 4

tlakkamon; Too easy! This, really IS "the age OF Computor-Matching", and -quite plainly- you are rather competent -on the 'things': 'putors.. so don't just sit there! (But, it WILL eat time: quite a lot of time.. Myself, I went 20 hours-a-day! For me it worked: "paid off")!
First: DO NOT let the (U.S.-based semi-porno/sex-partner scene even get a 'wiff' OF you)! But IF they do.. -and they ARE rather tenacious- simply hit "Spam" button: and you are rid of them
-for a fortnight, anyway)! -Viagra? Hit, "Spam": gone!

Now, I do not know, WHAT country you are operating from..
(I was your age when I had my first [really serious], girlfriend, then, wife. You are NOT 'running late': no way: (but a kid [may be] in it)..

I tried lots, and LOTS of different "Match-Makers" ON the wwweb., and I had my 'fair-share' of totally DUD agencies..(!)
but a REAL honest-to-God "A-1" site, -that costs about $34(U.S.) -and is well-worth EVERY cent, is: "findsomeone" -based in Wellington, New Zealand..with the payment (by cheque, to Sydney)

I cannot speak Highly enough OF them. (Do not be put-off if you do not have the means to download a digital photo -just post your "head-&-shoulders" photo TO them -in Wellington, and you will very soon be seeing it in your ''Profile", smiling. (Women are fickle).

I strongly advise you to write something out, this weekend -about who you are: WHAT your (real) interests are.. and (especially) WHAT sized woman, with WHAT standard of education, and interests you are 'chasing'. (-AND do not be afraid to sound a little DARING.. Yes!)

My reason FOR this is that ON "findsomeone", you really need to be a 'slick' typer.. I am NOT. No worry: ALWAYS make a habit of immediately hitting the "back" arrow, every time you "Time-Out"; then, hit "Send" (hard, &-long!) -again, and you'll have NO difficulty.

One word of warning: amoung ALL people above 35 years
there ARE a good-many, [good-enough looking], "NO HOPERS";
-so BE a little enquiring, immediately (as you scan their 'good-looking' "Profile", as to whether they [have ever] held a job..
. If you are in the Western-World, only a fool marries a girl,
a woman.. with NO Superannuation -AND- no money -whatsoever! Your Marriage may only last 5 years! Think, of THAT: 15 - 20% are in exactly THAT catorgory): NO money: zilch!..
. Be a little wary/cautious of pretty women-in-their thirties who live in Russia: (they [may be] scammers. Russians do have a "shonky" name, IN this 'game'; (-yet i also know happily married ones)..

Aussies are [the best] risk -as usual.. (but I will STILL "go with-out food" -for THE right girl, from Davao, Philippines)! Anytime!

Answer 5

I think that all you need is a little confidence. Obviously you are intelligent and have your life together. If you add a little confidence to the equation that will be a major turn on for most girls. If you like someone just ask her for a date, if you dont you will regret it. Remember that you have nothing to lose and maybe a lot to gain. Keep your head up and be confident, the rest will come naturally.

Answer 6

You are probably very intimidating to women, they may feel that you are untouchable.
Do you open yourself up to people? And let them know that you are a down to earth person?
Try having a get together at your house with single guys and girls, some couples. Pick one girl you are interested in, invite her, and also invite her to come early and help you get things ready for the get together. People probably only need to see the real you.

Answer 7

Love yourself first. Give yourself a big hug right now. Think love into your life. Get a mindset that you are worthy of being loved and loving others. You would be familiar with the concept of like attracting like in your nature studies...apply the theory to your love life.

Answer 8

Be friend with your friends, make a atmosphere to help your friends, and give importance to girls and behave properly with them., Maintain discipline with them and help more to your friends as you can. Then see how beautiful is your life. Solve the problems if you can't speak out to them., by chatting to them they has to feel lite with you. But this will goes to certain limits.

Answer 9

Sounds like you're kinda stuck on yourself...look past the outside and maybe change the way you present yourself...nobody likes a braggert...

Answer 10

try to attend more public functions....go out and do things where other people are so that you get a chance to meet people....and going and not speaking to anyone does not count! don't be afraid of people if they are rude to you for speaking to them go talk to somebody else you dont need friends like that anyways so who cares what they think....they are the people who are really insecure....or they have tons of singles events in almost all towns...try one out it just might work out for ya