weird question?

Question

i am in love with my boyfriend we are getting married this summer, and I also want a baby now. i could be pregnant now but he said if i am pregnant we will be fine. he also said he is getting me on the pill next month and we will have to wait 2 years before we have a child because he is still in college. i am out of school and have money. money is no problem for me or him once we are married. i am 32 and really want a child

Do I have a right to want a baby now, and if so what should I do?
My boyfriend is 33 and working on his second degree.

Answer 1

I wrote the book on wanting a child but hun let me tell you something - don't push it. The only thing you will achieve is driving a wedge between you and your future hubby. Having a child is a very big step and although you are obviously ready (financially and emotionally), maybe he is not. He is not saying that he never wants children, so be reasonable and fair and allow him the same opportunity to reach the point where he is really ready. Waiting two years for a child and then knowing that you both want the child with all your hearts, will be so worth it.

Because ask yourself this: would you rather have a child now, which only you truly want... or are you willing to wait two unimportant years and then have a child that you both will adore with your very beings?

Don't you think the child deserves two parents who will be equally in love with him/her? Equally devoted? Equally thrilled about his/her existence?

Think about what you'd be giving your child if you wait for his father to be really ready... and then decide.

Good Luck

Answer 2

If you have financial security enough for the both of you until he’s getting college done, why wait? There’s too many variables to answer you question, such as are you financially prepared to be out of work while having a baby, or did you inherit $ where you could have no problems staying home for a while with child? I’d ask the bf what his concern is with family starting now, and consider weighing the health risks into the decision. There could be other alternative options for bf as well – have a job and do college on-line after work. It’s not too easy, but it is possible, speaking from experience. Have the both of you thought about how old you both want to be when completing child rearing? Right now you would be 50 years old (when child turns age 18, and that doesn’t mean they instantly are adult enough for operating in the world totally on their own; mental and chronological ages are two different things). Speaking from my own experience, after raising 3 kids, my youngest is almost 17 and he is the rebel out of the three. I’m feeling pretty weary now keeping him out of trouble at my age of 43 (Glad the other two weren’t as difficult…). Also, other unforeseen things can come into play, such as your and his parents… ‘elder care’? That can add to the load down the road. Maybe if you’re planning to have only one child, waiting isn’t too bad, but if you are thinking two or more, then I’d really have a heart-to-heart with the bf and discuss all the variables. Good luck!

Answer 3

Just want to share my experience. We had our first baby when my wife was 31 years old. He is now a six year old healthy and very inteligent boy.

And my wife, at the age of 37, will deliver our second baby next week. Our obgyn said the baby is healthy. We'll really see in a week. But seeing her active movement inside my wife's tummy, (oh yeah, we asked on every scan, it's definitely a girl) I'd say she is very healthy indeed.

However, my wife is very healthy. She likes to do sport and she doesn't smoke. She eats whatever she likes, but never goes overboard with any food.

The questions is, are you? If you are, then your clock is definitely NOT ticking. It's okay to have a baby at a later age as long as you're healthy. Madonna had one when she was 40. But we know how healthy she is, what with the sport and diet she's having.

Raising a baby is waaay better when both parents are ready on all aspects. Why don't you have a serious discussion with your husband to be and find out his real reasons behind the two years delay, aside from him still being in school. If he can asure you that he will definitely be ready in two years and really want a baby, then I'd say you go with his plan.

Answer 4

It seems like your question is what to do about your situation.

Well, if you ARE pregnant, then there is no question.

Your man says you'll both be fine if you're pregnant. That's great news. That means your man is not afraid of children or of being a father.

It sounds like your man really wants to have his "life in order", so to speak, before he has children. Maybe he feels it's the man's duty to provide for his family (a little old-fashioned, yes) or maybe he just wants to be sure he's out of college so he can dedicate time to his family.

Whatever the case, your feelings and desires are just as valid as his and you need to discuss that with him. Let him know that you want his baby. You could bring up the health implications of having children at older ages, backed up by some information from your doctor.

All the two of you really need to do is be on the same page about this. You need to talk this over and both be OK with whatever you decide, or else it will be a constant source of friction in your marriage.

If you are very concerned about waiting, talk to your doctor about it. Many women continue to have children into their thirties and even their forties. My mom was 36 when she had my brother, and he's normal (aside from being a monster, as most brothers are =P).

Best wishes!

Answer 5

1st question: how old is he? It is true that it is tough to go college and have a child at the same time. Though you can take care of the child alone. Being a responsible guy, he might be thinking about how to keep you happy, the child healthy. He would need to spend time with the child for his well-being. In fact, lots of time. As such he may not be able to concentrate on his college work.

May I suggest to talk to him, if the college can be completed in 2 to 3 years, it is probably OK for you to delay for that period. However if he could discipline himself to spend solid hours on his study everyday, that is fine for both of you to start having a complete family.

Cheers.

Answer 6

Maybe you bf is looking at the long term like spending time with the baby once you are both established instead of having to concentrate on school and than later a job.Let him at least finish his college too.What he is saying if you are pregnant well thats fine but he would prefer to wait.God Bless .

Answer 7

your biological clock is running out..the longer you wait the more problems you will have if this is your first born? You could be pushing the gate right now for having a healthy child without complications.

Answer 8

You are 32 and there is no problem in having a child ... then go and enjoy your motherhood!

Answer 9

have the baby because u dont have much time left if ur already 32 - well that is if u want multiple kids

Answer 10

1. u r out of school and u r 32 yrs old, how is it possible.