Not-So-Secret Male Handbook?

Question

1. Practice grunting 5 times per day. While some may find it acceptable to grunt only before the morning coffee, the true male will only answer in monosyllabic form, except for emergencies, (i.e. when some portion of your body is on fire.)

2. Never ask for directions. Ever. Even if you find yourself crossing the state line when all you wanted was to go buy some milk.

3. Never ever show emotion. No exceptions. Including the emergency listed in Rule 1.

4. Refuse to talk about the relationship. Get uptight whenever she mentions "love" or "commitment."

5. Leave your boxers on the dining room table. Several pairs. Pretend they aren't there for as long as you can.

6. Never talk to a female, no matter how long you've known her, when you're with your friends.

7. Watch WWF Wrestling and believe it's real. Attempt to get tickets to the matches.

8. Scratch yourself in front of them. Watch them squirm.

9. Realize that your phone bill is way too high, and you couldn't possibly call any of your female friends, even if it's local.

10. Never compliment a girl, unless it's behind her back about the size of her, um...

11. Be early for everything (before the girl is even out of the shower) or don't show up at all.

12. Tell your girlfriend she doesn't kiss as well as your ex.

13. Plan for months ahead to finally go to that wrestling match with all your friends, on your anniversary of course, but neglect to tell your significant other until the day before. When she starts crying, offer to take her along. When she kicks you out of the house, move in with your friends and watch wrestling. Tell her (and them) she just has PMS.

14. Tell your girlfriend every dirty joke you can think of -- you know how she loves them!

15. When she gets a cold, to cheer her up, tell her exactly how red her nose is and how bleary her eyes are. Expect her to be grateful that you're staying with her.

16. Invite your girlfriend to a Pantera concert. When she gets injured in the mosh pit, get your friend to take her to the emergency room so you don't miss the show.

17. Tell her, in detail, about all the girls that hit on you.

18. When she finally convinces you to take her to Prom, refuse to dance. Besides, you're just there to stand around and look cool, right?

19. Automatically assume that she doesn't know a thing about cars or electrical equipment. When she finally gives in and lets you fix something, try your best to completely ruin it.

20. Blame everything on PMS.

Answer 1

Seriously; what`s a girl to do!! You`re wife is a strong woman!!! ; )

Gonna dig mine out now!!

Loved them, you are back on form buddy.

10/10 an` a *

Tink xx

Answer 2

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these
are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends give you.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. Infact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping!

LOL I'm a woman and even I find these rules funny!!

Answer 3

I am a little older than you and have read the whole book. Here are some chapters you have not gotten to yet.

101. Never let her drive you anywhere. Realize that if you are in a vehicle you MUST be in physical control of the vehicle or you will be thought of as gay by everyone who sees you.

102. Dominate the tv. Always keep control of the remote and remember to constantly flip through the channels everytime a commercial comes on. It is a good idea to get interested in several shows at once and try to keep up with them all by creatively using the remote.

103. Snore as loud as humanly possible. When you wake up your adnoids should be in pain if you are doing it right. By the way, if she so much as moves her head on her pillow while you are trying to sleep, you should tell her how tired you are and that you have a big day at work tomorrow so you would appreciate it if she would let you get some rest.

104. ANYTHING you want to buy should be seen as a necessity. This is to include all sporting goods, tickets to sporting events, and anything related to any hobby you are now, or may in the future have even a slight interest in. If money is tight yell at her for doing stupid things like attempting to pay the bills on time. Tools should be seen as the very best investment you can make and therefore any expenditures for tools is above reproach.

105. If she has a television program she enjoys, be sure to ridicule her for it, even if you secretly also like it.

106. ALWAYS look at other women. ALWAYS. Look might be too weak of a word. Perhaps stare is a better term. Did I mention ALWAYS.

107. If you EVER catch her looking at another man accuse her of sleeping with him. In fact if she tells you a story about a man at her work accuse her of sleeping with him. If it is impossible that she would have the opportunity to sleep with anyone, don't feel bad, you can always accuse her of WANTING to sleep with him.

108. No matter how good of a meal she prepares point out that "MOM" was a GREAT cook. Always leave your dirty plate on the table and make sure some of your food falls on the floor.

109. Always remember a snuggle should result in sex.

There are many more chapters, and I haven't finished all of them yet myself, but if I can be of any help in the future, just let me know. It is a real pleasure knowing that there is a next generation of real men coming along to keep the lady folk satisfied. Good luck and I'll see you down the road, and don't you dare be a passenger!

Answer 4

10/10

Answer 5

i like the number 20. okay 10/10.

Answer 6

So are you planing to stay single for the rest of your natural life.

Answer 7

PMS is to blame for everyting isn't it?

Answer 8

ha ha ha ha

Answer 9

another good laugh chris

Answer 10

thanks for all that info chriss comes in handy now an then 10/10