I feel really bad, I haven't been to my mom's gravesite since her funeral. I don't think she is really there and haven't wanted to make the 90 minute trip. I feel like all I need to do is to talk to her from wherever I am. I will obviously go on her birthday and Mothers Day, but I'm wondering how others feel about how often I should go "spend time with her". I really don't think that she is laying there in that spot and not able to connect with me from wherever I am but I also don't want to "ignore" her grave site as far as flowers, etc, it's just that I live 90 minutes away and can't get there every weekend.
2007-02-21 17:22:12 · 17 answers · asked by Avon Lady 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Monthly. Set aside a weekend for it. Like the third Saturday of every month or something.
2007-02-21 19:26:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom died several over ten years ago. It's okay that you haven't been there since the funeral. I went to my mom's grave a month or so after the funeral and they hadn't even put the gravestone in yet. So, there is no rush. It's a good idea to go on the first anniversary of her death and bring some other relatives with you on that day. You shouldn't feel obligated to go to the grave a certain amount of times. I go when I need to feel comfort or when I feel the grave is being neglected and her name is being covered by overgrown grass. Then I will weed the grass myself. This is usually once or twice a year, maybe on mothers day or my mom's birthday or around Christmas time when I feel down. Some years are more, some are less. I suggest you buy some artificial flowers or a Christmas wreath in the fall this year and then you won't feel the need to visit as often, knowing the grave looks good.
2007-02-22 03:20:35 · answer #2 · answered by Rockford 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are no hard and fast rules for visiting gravesites ... while one person will go once a week, another person will go once per year. Just go when you need to go (and only you will know when and how often this is).
Of course it is important to spend time with your mother, but it is also important to not dwell on the past ... you will carry on with your own life. Consider yourself lucky to have your mother so close to you ... my mother's (and father's) ashes are scattered about four hours from here and, trust me, I can't get out there every weekend, even if I wanted to.
2007-02-22 01:39:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's with you every day. You can't physically see her, although she may leave little signs that she's there. If she were alive, what would she tell you about visiting her grave after her death? That might help you know the answer to your question. You don't have to feel guilty I suspect she wouldn't want that either. Just live your life in a manner that would have made her proud and know she's with you every day. Your guardian angel now. Best wishes to you.
2007-02-22 01:29:25 · answer #4 · answered by Night Wind 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel really bad . Go to visit the grave of a close friend when you feel you are being urged to do so . When you visit realize it is for your learning. Try to see what you are to learn or someone to meet. Be this way with the other side of life and you will feel more in tune and not be grieving as much. I try to ask my grandfathers to tell me yes or no to all my questions. It is makes my life more successful.
2007-02-22 02:12:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Annually. I am a Japanese kid living in America, but I visit my grandparents' graves annually at Japan (kinda keep the grave a little neat and clean each time I go there as to show some respect towards them). And to let you know, your mother is not bored; All people who have passed away have many things to do in their afterlives. Don't worry about leaving your mother alone. Maybe she needs some privacy. : )
2007-02-22 01:29:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i completely understand how you feel. but my dads grave is right down the road... i just cant bring myself to go there. i also believe that she can hear you from where ever you are. i would not feel bad for not going all the time, she knows you love her. i know my dad loves me and wouldnt want me to spend my time worrying about a patch of grass and whether or not it has flowers on it. dont feel bad if you dont make it there as much as u think u should, she knows if you are thinking about her. you dont have to be there for her to know that.
2007-02-22 01:28:14 · answer #7 · answered by txchevygirl44 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to do what feels right for you. No one person can tell you what is right and what isn't and no person can tell you your a bad person for not going. You are exactally right in saying you conect with her in other places. You know you moms in heaven and you don't have to go to her grave to talk to her. A grave site is simply just a symbol.
2007-02-22 01:32:06 · answer #8 · answered by Alicia H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hullo
well,that depends on your way of understanding death,there is no general rule on that from mental health point of view,you can visit your mothers grave as much as you can and when ever you feels that,there is no obligation on that .
you do not have to feel guilty about that,you are doing well.
Dr solo
2007-02-22 01:36:40 · answer #9 · answered by baghdadcatcash 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a healthy feeling about death. What you are struggling with is what you look like to others. Trust your gut feelings and visit when you feel it is right to you. Sometimes it is best to rely on the happy memories that linger in our minds
2007-02-22 01:31:42 · answer #10 · answered by Don R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋