Marriage problems?

Question

I have a huge problem and I know I should see a shrink, but I kind of wanted outside advise first. My husband and I have been together for a couple of years and he is a great guy. Lately we have not been getting along all that great. Here is the thing. I have a little crush on a guy that I work with. He's not even my type at all. I can't even say why I have a crush on him, but I would like to know why. I always do this, I always have these little crushes and I don't know why, but I can't get this other guy of my mind. Everytime I am monogomous, I start crushing on someone else out of the blue. Can anyone explain this?

Answer 1

The excitement of the chase is often better than the actual catch. We often want what we can't have, and it's a challenge to see if we can get it.
Do some role playing in your mind. Think about what would happen if you follow through with your crush on that man, what would happen with your husband, your family, etc..
Then think about what might be missing in your relationship and about how you might get it back.
There's nothing wrong with fantasy, and although you're married, you're not dead. You will still be attracted to other guys. Just that you can't, or shouldn't, act on it. If you feel you need to, be fair to your husband and let him go so he can find someone who wants to be with him and someone who deserves him.

Answer 2

I can answer this. :-)

There is some need you have in your life that is not being fulfilled, and you are therefore looking to find fulfillment in outside relationships. This need may or may not be a need one would expect a spouse to fulfill.

I'll give you a small example: Let's say you long to be told how pretty you look. And let's say that in spite of how great, faithful, kind, generous and well-providing your husband is, you long to hear these words from a man - specifically from him! However, let's also presume that your man is not emotionally, verbally or sexually expressive in this way, yet he is still a darn good man. After a number of years, you begin to feel frustrated and empty in this respect and so whatever man out there tells you that you are pretty, you begin to develop and feel an attraction toward him, because he seems to provide for this need you have.

The thing is, the other men may be totally wrong for you, but since you are fixated on getting this one point of stimulation or validations, you are blinded by fulfilling the need.

You may want to explore with a counselor whatever it is you feel you are missing in your marriage ... and whether or not you can find a way to either ask for it or provide it for yourself through other less relationship-damaging venues.

In your last sentence you say "Everytime I am monogamous, I start crushing on someone else out of the blue. Can anyone explain this?" Do you mean that you routinely cheat on your husband? If so, this is quite serious.

I don't know that you need to see a "shrink", a marriage/family counselor may be enough. However, I would definitely talk to somebody before you say or do something you seriously regret in your marriage.

I give you credit for recognizing this problem and wanting to address it. A lot of folks don't like to bother to examine their own behaviors (instead, they'd rather blame everybody else for how they feel and what they do) and continue down a reckless lifelong course. Good luck to you and I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

Answer 3

Having a crushes doesn't mean you have to go deeper into it rite. You have a crush on this guy so just act normal. When you see some opposite sex, someone who has something special u will tend to have crush. But it may not be the way he looks ...may be the way he talk. All i have to say is as u have got a GREAT husband you better stick to it. Dont let the things go wrong. Course at the end you will loose both coz one side u said he is not your type at all...so if you go with him also u will not be satisfying ur self coz u had a great husband

Answer 4

maybe it is because you and ur husband arnt getting along that great and u need that little something that will keep you whole...like a crush on someone else that could fill in the pieces that your husband hasent been able to fulfil. Try to work things out with your husband and hopefully your crush will soon fade back to just coworkers. With things going good with your huppy you wont need a crush to make things perfect

Answer 5

Maybe its the thrill of someone new. Maybe there is something that you are missing in your relationship with your husband. I would try and make some fireworks with your husband and see if something in the bedroom can help you turn your crush from someone Else to him

Answer 6

its probably just infatuation. Give it a couple of days or weeks and if the feelings for that guy are still there, then be truthful to your husband and tell him about it! This is for you to decide. Ask yourself if all those other guys are better than your husband and if they can make you happier than he can, you should be able to find your answer by asking yourself that

Answer 7

How are things with your husband? not good? get marriage councelling. If everything at home is OK than it could just be one of those things.

Fantasising is one thing but if you take it to the next step then that is a completely different issue

Answer 8

Don't think of it as a crush. It's just a little private amusement. Admire the guy--but from a distance. Smile to yourself when you see him--but only to yourself.

Answer 9

Hmmm you cannot get that satisfaction from your husband... Your trying to seek some more intimacy from others cause he doesn't satisfy you... he is great but there is something missing admit it... Lack of communication is one of the reasong things like this in relationship happens...

Answer 10

It's called infatuation.
Every one wants what they can't have (Remember Adam and Eve and the apple).
Having a crush on someone and acting upon it are two very different things.
As long as you don't act upon it your normal.