My girlfriend, whom I've known since early childhood, has been staying with me for a couple of weeks now. She's been having night terrors lately so I end up sleeping in the guest room with her, comforting her whenever she has a night terror. She's 23 and I'm 27. We started making out and that developed into more. When I entered her I was extremely shocked, to find out she was a virgin. I mean she is soooo dam gorgeous! So, since I thought she was experience I didn't take my time... I drove home fast, all the way, and I'm NOT a small guy. When I heard her cry, I immediately stopped. There was a lot of blood and she was sobbing in pain, asking me,
"W-hy are you hurt-ing m-e?" She was extremely tight. I was shocked but I think she was even more shocked. Now every time I touch her she jerks as if I’m going to hurt her. Later I asked her why she didn't tell me she was a virgin, and she just shrugged her shoulder and said in a low voice, she doesn't want to talk about it. I'm confused… Why didn't she tell me she was a virgin? How can I get her to trust me again?
2007-02-21 17:07:14 · 14 answers · asked by amesB 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I more then like her... I love her.
2007-02-21 17:13:18 · update #1
Ok. I personally am a virgin myself, but every woman is different. I do not tell uys off the bat, because some will try their hardest to get you into bed, and i want to see how they act before they know I am a virgin. But that was just for general knowledge it has nothing to do with your question. sorry. With her, first tell her how you feel. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Most people do not communicate and that could solve and/ or prevent most problems.
Anywho, I would first put blame on her because she did not tell you. I would hope that if she told you that you wouldnt have entered her so rougly. Secondly,I put blame on you because you cant assume that someone is nto a vrigin by their appearance. Many people make that false accusation about others and its not right.
Remember, like you stated things just took off from you making out, and NO one can make you do anything that you do not want to do. So i believe that she wanted to lose her virginity to you. She could just be afraid right now because she has never experienced sex before. Also, just because a female is tight doesnt mean she is a virgin. It is very possible that she could have had sex with someone who wasnt as large as you(and it didnt have an effect), and its also possible that she could have only had sex a few times which has left her tight. From your statement it doesnt seem like she flat out told you that she was a virgin you just assumed that because she was tight.
She probably asked why you were hurting her becaus ein her mind her *first* time wwasnt supposed to go like that. He was supposed to be gentle with her. If you are going to walk into a dark cave would you run? No. you would walk and check out your surroundings. Same with entering a female who is tight. You dont just ram it in you go in gentle. But you didnt know because she didnt say anything to you.
You can not make her talk, but she does need to talk to you, and you can ask her about some of the things I mentioned above.
1. Apologize for assuming she was a virgin, and assure her that you didnt mean to her and you never would do that.
2. Tell her how you you really feel and tell her you want to make this right. If you really love her tell her and if you really love her youll do everything possible to make this right.
2007-02-21 17:53:24 · answer #1 · answered by Nikki 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's a bit sad, I'm sorry for you. She sound very naive, maybe she thought you knew already and expected you to take care of her since you have been friends for such a long time. There also could be something she isn't telling you,
Be understanding and ask her about it, dont pound her with questions...just let her open up to you.
Id say she feels a bit hurt, try to make her feel comfortable around you again...
good luck
PS. You de flowered her at the age of 23 she must really like and trust you so dont feel bad..she feels the same way
2007-02-21 17:21:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're not going to hurt her, then maybe you need to be more verbal with your partner. I mean you need ask her to describe what she likes, and maybe even use a hand gesture demonstration, or even guide you through it slowly then ask her whether she wants it faster, harder, slower, whatever. If you just go for what makes you happy without asking your partner then that's just greedy, and you'll probably loose her fast. As a guy my gf was trying to give me a hand job not skin to skin, but skin to clothing, she did a short skin to skin one then quickly went back to our usual routine. Anyways I told her to just go for it, as well as I l8er explained to her how to do it after we were done. So basically now I'm not going to be pissed off, or in pain every time she does it.
2014-11-01 17:23:53 · answer #3 · answered by Tooth4075 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, u r an idiot! why would u even assume that the girl is experienced?! u ought to be very sorry for what you did. did u even apologise to her?
second, i think she is a shy person. she must have liked u so much that she wants to give you the precious first time. she didnt tell u cos she didnt know how to tell u. and u just assume!
third, she's terrified by the experience. the only difference between u and a rapist is that she gives it willingly to you. the similarity? you didnt bother about how she felt that night while having sex and thats why u drove all the way fast.
fourth, to get her to trust that u wont hurt her again... u gotta talk to her about what u thought then. apologise and tell her you dun mean to hurt her and u wan to make it up to her. be sweet and nice to her. and... is she your girlfriend - as in the special someone? if she isnt, do you want her to be? if u just wan her to trust u again in order to have sex, then get lost. if u really like her, then get her to be your girlfriend.
if you love her, lavish her with gifts, write love letters, show care and concern to her... just do all the things that you think will make her happy and touched and feel loved. most importantly, talk to her... nothing is better than a heart to heart conversation... who knows, everything may end up in a sweet sweet kiss.
2007-02-21 17:23:32 · answer #4 · answered by Ashley 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
She was probably embarressed of being a virgin at age 23..since there are alot of people loosing their virginity young.
She might of thought you wanted to be with someone who was "experienced".. so she kept her mouth shut.
It isnt all your fault that you hurt her..since you didnt know she was a virgin..so you've got to explain that to her.
Tell her to give you an other chance.. tell her that this time you will be gentle.
It might be abit awkard at first ..but once you get going and she see's that you are not hurting her..her fear will go away..
If she lets you do it with her again..you've got to make it all about her .
2007-02-21 17:19:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok for one, you never assume about a girl not being a virgin. She is only jerking away from her because you hurt her once and a girl's mind is unique. She is not sure if you will hurt her again...its kind of an emotional thing with her, i wuld belive.
2007-02-21 17:12:13 · answer #6 · answered by mcpark2004 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since when was it against the law to be a virgin?? Maybe she didn't think it was top priority to go around shouting out she was a virgin.
2007-02-21 23:48:09 · answer #7 · answered by Mari76 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that a good question. she should have told you this it was very
important, but both of you need to talk about what really going
on, as for you, you dont need to feel bad about this, she should
have been honest with you. that what a relationship is about
is honestly, communication.
2007-02-21 17:13:37 · answer #8 · answered by luckystar 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be gentle don't push her just be there for her that is all you can do make it up to her any way she will let you
2007-02-21 17:11:18 · answer #9 · answered by punk_gurl4190 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my guess would be for you to get her to relax or have her be on top and let her pick the speed to drive it home
2007-02-21 17:12:56 · answer #10 · answered by Redmac1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋