I guess its been a long time coming, but my wee dad is dead. I feel sad. How do you keep that pain at bay?

Question

Thanks all for your comments Im just a bit to upset to take it all in. My dad was the most kind,st person I have ever known.

I dont know how to thank you all for taking the time to answer.

Answer 1

Let it out, don't hold it in, it is part of the grieving process. Read the below about the Kübler-Ross grief cycle. Sorry for your loss, hang in there.

Answer 2

You can't keep the pain at bay, sorry, you must mourn for your loss but that maybe anytime in the next few years, just try to occupy your time, think only of the good times and try not to dwell to much in the past, Do something that you know would have made your dad proud that way you are doing it for the pair of you and good will come out of a dark situation, There is light at the end of the tunnel sweetheart, so don't despair Good Luck I hope thatb this helps although to be honest nothing can really replace your loss except happiness and that will come gradually one day you will suddenly realise that you are happy again and will know you have overcome it all.

Answer 3

So sorry to hear your news, as already said there is no easy answer, it is necessary to feel the pain in order for you to feel batter and accept what has happened. Once you feel up to it perhaps you could start building a "memorial" of your own for your dad. Perhaps a collage of pictures of him/family/pastimes etc or a book or something significant that will remind you of the happy times he gave you and you shared, although it hurts now it will be a comfort to remember the good times and I am sure there are many memories that will bring a smile or make you laugh. That is how your Dad would want it to be. I hope you find comfort in whichever way you can, and talk about him as much as you need to. Please do not bottle your feelings though as this could cause you much sadness. Take Great Care xx

Answer 4

Mornin'

You are SO lucky to have had a Dad like that.

You say it's been a long time coming, so I assume he was sick for quite a time.

Just think that he is in a better place now, and (perhaps) pain free.

Just remember how much you loved him and how much he loved you back.

Don't even attempt to keep your pain at bay. It's a testament to your deep, deep love for him. Allow it to overwhelm you at times, and if you feel like crying - just let the tears come.

Your pain will ease in time, and you'll be able to remember him without bursting into tears, but in the meantime, don't stress about your grief or how you are grieving.

I'll be thinking of you today, and will send you my kindest thoughts.

Take care.

Answer 5

Sorry for your loss.
I agree with the others. Cry when you want to cry,Be happy when you want to be happy. You'll be going through an emotional rollercoaster and there is no right or wrong time to feel the way you feel. I experienced lots of things when my dad died. The first was doing double takes on people,who i thought looked like my dad. Apparently this is normal. Good luck and the pain will get less and less.

Answer 6

aawww sues so sorry my love pain is a necessary process in healing.hang in there try to remember all the things he did that made you smile,and all the things you did that placed one on his face.that will take you back to happy times and soothe your pain a wee while at least.Was he old or was he ill for long think off all the things he suffered think of this awful weather the cold and damp and know hes away from it all now.That may help you with answering why,coz your dad is out of pains way and suffering no more and if you have ever looked at him and wished to take his pain for him then that hun is what you re doing now so be strong for you daddy and know the hurt is right for the now and hurting for him has got to make it more bearable until it passes in time and is replaced by soothing memories.Take care my love

Answer 7

Oh sweetie you don't. Grieving is a process you have to go through. Losing your Dad is so very painful I know. You will feel pain and cry for your loss for quite a while. After some time goes by you'll remember the warm, happy, and funny times with him and smile. It will just take some time. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Answer 8

When you feel like it, start writing down all of his favorite sayings, beliefs and just what was it that made him so special. Write it in a leather journal for you to re read anytime you feel lonely for him.
The more you think & remember the more you will realize how much information he left for you to use as a guide for you life after he was gone. It doesn't matter how much warning you had-
it still hurts in waves, doesn't it? Think back-did he give you advise after another death to help you? That happens a lot. Sort of how he worked through it before. One more thing that helped me: the only way for you to have avoided this awful grief would have been to die first and that would have devasted him. You are his proud legacy.

Answer 9

Don't be hard on yourself. This takes a long time. You will get through this,I know that my words can't change what's happened...but when I read your story it touched my heart,I can see that you are still struggling, I pray for you to be uplifted and your joy restored.Grieving is such a hard process, sometimes it must feel like 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. Be kind to yourself, take little steps and give yourself permission to feel bad without doubting whether you have the right to feel that way.Everyone reacts to loss differently and while we may share some feelings and thoughts, there is no right or wrong way to experience this. Grieving is a process, one with no set time frame for "progress" or "success". think of it as a journey that is long and difficult, with bumpy spots and smooth ones, hills and valleys. Sometimes we need to travel alone, other times we need friends and family to help us through. But I don't think the journey ends. Rather there may be points where we stop to rest, to recoup and gather our thoughts, but I don't think we ever come to a complete stop.Sometimes we want to confront God and demand an explanation, an apology, ask Him why He took someone who meant so very much to our heart's.I lost my step father when I was a young child,I still cry years later because I hurt so bad from missing him.I have heard people say that time heals all wound's,I beg to differ....I know this is harder on you and your family then it is on any of us, and for that I am so very sorry.Pat yourself on the back for caring so much about him...my personal belief that the dead have down time. Call it 'the big sleep', call it 'asleep in Jesus', call it what you will. But I believe that upon death, the spirit removes to some other place. Perhaps it spends time recovering from the world's grievances, perhaps it is not at all aware of the former life, death, loved ones, etc., perhaps it isn't aware of anything. But I believe that when Jesus returns to our world, and yes, I do believe He will, the dead in Christ will rise first to be with Him, then the living in Christ shall be with Him. It's my opinion that at that point in time,You will finally see your father again.don't give up in yourself or in God.Go ahead and cry. It's okay Don't fight your feelings. Guilt can be a normal part of grief.Each day may seem like a burden, sometimes it will be hard to face.I offer you my sincerest condolences on the loss of your father.although there are no words to ease your grief at this difficult time I do hope that my words will offer you some kind of comfort.Understanding the nature of grief can help us better cope with loss. Grief is a natural, healthy process that enables us to recover from terrible emotional wounds.If you need someone to talk to you can email me...Im up to listen and offer any advice that I can...Good Luck

Answer 10

i know what u are going through, my dad passed away when i was nine, and just recently my bf's dad passed away, there isn't really much i can tell u on how to deal with it, cos everyone deals with it differently, u just find the best way for u. but my advice to u is to remember that god has a plan for everyone, pehaps your dad was too good for this earth, think about how all his pain and sufferening is no longer affecting him. you just have to take the place of an incredible man. and each time u think of him, dnt cry, smile, cos thats what he will be doing when he is looking down on you. my condolences to u and your family

Answer 11

The most healthy thing for you to do is to be sad if you feel sad. Mourn, cry, gnash your teeth, whatever it takes to express your feelings and set them free. After you let out the anguish then talk with others who loved him, share your memories of him, etc. The pain will always be there, that's how we remember we loved him (cause it hurts that he's gone), but you will be better able to deal with it after you express it. Hugs!