My fiance already has 2 boys with his ex and we just recently had a baby girl. I thought I didn't want anymore and he has decided that he really doesn't. He says he has enough! haha! But the more I think about it I wouldn't mind another little tike possibly down the road. I'm not positive yet though. I just don't know how to bring it up to him when he is so set on no more. I just want him to consider it maybe. How do I bring it up to him?
2007-02-21 16:43:14 · 11 answers · asked by californiacaiti 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Just say, "hon, I know you have your mind set that you don't want any more kids, and I only wanted one too, but since having our daughter, I've been thinking I might want another one some time down the road. I'm not sure yet, but I just wanted to see how you feel about it."
When my husband and I got together, he already had a 3 yr old son. We decided to have one of our own and that was originally going to be it, but after I had our daughter, I decided I wanted another child so they could grow up together. Yes, she would have her older brother, but he didn't live with us. When she was 14 months old I brought it up to my husband and he said he had been thinking the same thing. So maybe down the road he may feel the same as you.
2007-02-22 00:29:28 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Whatever you do, be sure to bring it up to him. There is nothing worse than being dishonest with the person you intend to marry. The advice to go behind his back and try to make such a huge decision that affects both of you is just terrible. It's a breach of trust on the worst level. Anyone who tells you to do that doesn't have the slightest grasp of how to have a successful relationship. I hate to think how defective a marriage would be based on those kinds of principles.
Unless he is the fly-off-the-handle type, there should be nothing wrong with having a conversation about whether the two of you would ever want any more kids, and why. If you try to think about it in terms of wanting to understand his position more fully, and wanting to get a more complete idea of his opinions about the long-term future, he shouldn't get upset. You can use the results of that conversation to move forward from there.
2007-02-21 16:52:06 · answer #2 · answered by Rex M 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Rex M. You must talk to your fiancee and tell him what you're feeling. Be honest with him and think about your futures. He may have a reason for what he said.
However, what I would do, because I do like sex, is tell him, when he's in the mood and you are not feeling up to it, yet, "Sweety, you know we have enough children. If we do this, the rubber might leak or something. What if the pill/patch don't work this time? Would you be okay with that?" And then walk away flirting at him or roll over with a sexy moan and don't forget to stick your butt out on him.
2007-02-21 17:21:32 · answer #3 · answered by Rita 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
depending on the age of you and your guy there is no need to make a rush decision right now maybe because everyone is so little he feels a little over whelmed and so after a few years you guys can revisit the topic and see where you both are at and make a decision from there so as long as no one is going to visit DR. Snippy then you have time and need to give him a little bit of time also
2007-02-21 17:30:07 · answer #4 · answered by peterpansdate 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Freak the guy out with shock-therapy stats. Truth is, he's already scared. Scared of 3 A.M. vomiting, losing his already-irregular golf games, and taking a backseat more often than high school sweethearts. He has to buck up and respect what you want, but tell him this: Yes, it'll be hard. Yes, your relationship will change. But no, starting a new life doesn't mean the end of his.
2007-02-22 00:04:05 · answer #5 · answered by uncle buck 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
you say "wouldn't mind" and "possibly" . . .why don't you just get down the road and make sure this is what you want and then discuss it when it's appropriate? By this time, he may share your desire as well. You don't have to figure it out today.
2007-02-21 17:32:40 · answer #6 · answered by Who Knew! 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You really have to sit down and talk, I know its hard but if you don't you may REALLY regret it. You cant spend the rest of your life thinking If only... otherwise you may grow bitter towards your fiancee.
And if it comes to it, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to go without a bigger family to stay with your fiancee.
Good luck
2007-02-21 19:04:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think this is something that you have to discuss openly and honestly. If the marriage is soon, then talk to him before it happens; you dont' want to be stuck with someone who doesn't want substantially the same thing that you do in the way of children.
2007-02-21 16:52:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just tell him, thats what I had to do that with my fiance. Everything else didn't really work so I decided to just be frank with him.
2007-02-21 18:18:47 · answer #9 · answered by Wendy G 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you're bound to be married and already have one. Just be sneaky and say oops. If its meant to be and you feel someones missing from your family then do what you gotta do.
2007-02-21 16:48:59 · answer #10 · answered by bianca_ca777 2 · 1⤊ 5⤋