Jokes about Creationists now.
There has been a considerable call for a Creationist FAQ, which doesn't seem to be forthcoming in any great hurry. In the interests of facilitating matters I have decided to jump the gun and provide a provisional Creationist FAQ. Regard this as a provisional effort; I am not an expert in these matters and may have erred in a few small details. Criticisms and suggestions for improvement are welcome. Speculations on my private life will be met with dignified silence.
Q: What is the principle evidence for Creationism?
A: The Holy Bible, of course. After all, is it likely that the author of the Universe would be mistaken about its age?
Q: But isn't the Bible religion and not science?
A: Truth is truth. It's a poor sort of science that ignores truth.
Q: But isn't there a lot of evidence for evolution?
A: Not really, most of it is from university professors writing papers for each other. If they didn't write papers they wouldn't have jobs.
2007-02-21 16:01:43 · 15 answers · asked by Adia Azrael 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Q: How big was Noah's ark?
A: Big enough.
Q: But what about radioactive dating?
A: Hey, everybody knows that stuff is bad for you. Stick with good Christian girls.
Q: What about the fossil evidence?
A: The real fossils are university professors writing papers for each other.
Q: Is there any other evidence for Creationism besides the Bible?
A: Yes.
Q: Can you give us some?
A: Yes.
Q: Could you give us a specific example?
A: Yes.
Q: What be a specific example of evidence for Creationism?
A: I've already answered that question.
Q: What about the Antarctic ice core data?
A: Now I put it to you. Coop up a bunch of men in a Quonset hut in the worst weather in the world, with nothing to do but gather data and drink, and what do you expect?
Q: Did the dinosaurs coexist with man?
A: Look, the liberals were preaching coexistence with the Communists, and you saw what happened to them.
2007-02-21 16:02:10 · update #1
Q: Should Creationism be taught along with Evolution in the schools?
A: Creationism should be taught instead of Evolution in the schools.
Q: Doesn't the Geologic Column prove that the Earth is very old?
A: The geologic column proves that some things are on top of other things and some things are underneath other things. But we already knew that, didn't we.
Q: Hasn't Evolution been demonstrated in the laboratory?
A: Students are demonstrating everywhere these days. To their shame, many professors are demonstrating also.
Q: Aren't Hawiian wallabies an example of Evolution in action?
A: No.
Q: Why not?
A: Because they aren't.
Q: What is a kind?
A: A kind is cards of the same rank. Thus 4 aces and a king are four of a kind, but four spades and a heart are not.
2007-02-21 16:02:37 · update #2
Q: Doesn't genetic variation indicate that life has been going on a long time?
A: Let's be up front about this. That's deviation, not variation, and yes, there is a lot of deviancy out there. That just shows that there has been a lot of Sin since the garden of Eden.
Q: What about Neanderthal Man?
A: Hey, you take one of those geezers and put him in tweeds and give him a pipe and he could be a professor anywhere.
Q: Some scientists state that the earth's continents are drifting around on top of a molten interior which has shaped life as we see it now. Are they right?
A: As you well know the Bible says that beneath the surface of the earth is Hell where there is eternal fires and brimstone. If the continents appear to be moving around that is Satan's doing.
Q: Why do almost all of the scientists believe in Evolution?
A: The real scientists don't. As for the rest of them, that's a very good question, isn't it?
2007-02-21 16:03:03 · update #3
Q: Are you talking about a Satanic conspiracy?
A: Did I say anything about a conspiracy? You might want to think about the shape the world is in since the Evolutionists and the Liberal Humanists captured academia and Evolution is hand in hand with Godless Communism and crime in the streets but I certainly wouldn't want to say anything about a Satanic conspiracy. I just want you to think about it with an open mind.
2007-02-21 16:03:17 · update #4
Currently I'm cracking up jokes....if you had read my previous questions you can see what I'm doing.
2007-02-21 16:09:19 · update #5
That is a amazing piece of work, you must have spent a great deal of time creating it
2007-02-21 16:08:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, at least you're on the right track. By that I mean that since you have nothing but nonsensical rebuttals for creationism, maybe that in itself will lead you to the logical conclusion that you don't know either way. Hopefully that will lead to some real investigation on your part. But here's a clue for you: You'll never get God under your microscope. Look up the word omnipotent. If God is omnipotent, He can easily derail your attempts to get Him in a test tube. But, if there is a spiritual dimension to reality that isn't measurable by scientific methods, why not put your litmus paper down and just wonder about it? Think about it long enough and you'll realize that much more intelligent people than you, many of them scientists themselves, believe in Jesus Christ, and for you to totally dismiss their testimonies just because you've placed untenable and arbitrary limitations on the discovery of knowledge doesn't win your case.
2007-02-22 00:14:58 · answer #2 · answered by celebduath 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Islamic Q’uran is NON-Contextual and relies on the Bukhari to paint its backdrops. (Top 2 most ‘holy’ Islamic books). These teachings are prevalent throughout the book.
Judge the following for yourself.
Qur’an 8:60 “Infidels should not think that they can get away from us. Prepare against them whatever arms and weaponry you can muster so that you may terrorize them.”
Bukhari:V4B52N260 “The Prophet said, ‘If a Muslim discards his religion, kill him!’”
Qur’an 5:51 “Believers, take not Jews and Christians for your friends.”
Bukhari [4:52:177]: Allah's Apostle said, "The Hour will not be established until you fight with the Jews, and the stone behind which a Jew will be hiding will say. "O Muslim! There is a Jew hiding behind me, so kill him!"
THOUGH THE ISLAMIC ALLAH WANTS MUSLIMS TO KILL ALL NON-MUSLIMS, MANY MUSLIMS ARE NOT DOING SO AT THIS MOMENT (WITH DISAPPOINTMENT FROM THE FUNDAMENTALIST ISLAMISTS) BECAUSE THEY ARE NOW ENJOYING THEMSELVES, SOME AFRAID OF REPRISALS. DON'T THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT MUSLIMS ARE PEACEFUL. IF THEY SEEM TO BE, THEY ARE ACTUALLY NON-PRACTICING MUSLIMS.
Perhaps you think this is bullshit. But wait. Take a quick glance below of islam’s founder’s behaviour recorded in one of the most authentic Islamic texts ever recorded below and you will not think so again. Remember this, Muhammad personified the teachings of the Q’uran.
MUHAMMED HAS NO MERCY; Sahih Bukhary; and Hanbel.
Bukhary, Volume 1, Book 4, Number 234:
Bukhari, V1B4N234: "A group of people from the Oreyneh and Oqayelh tribes came to the prophet to embrace Islam, the prophet advised them to drink the urine of the camels. Later on when they killed the prophet's shepherd, the prophet seized them, gouged out their eyes, cut their hands and legs, and left them thirsty in the desert to die."
IF MUHAMMAD WAS A MURDERER, A RAPIST, A PEODPHILE, A LIAR, WHAT LESS CAN YOU EXPECT OF HIS FOLLOWERS? MUSLIMS BECOME TERRORISTS BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY ARE MEANT TO BECOME. BECAUSE THAT IS TRUE ISLAM. WHAT IS TRUE, IS WHAT HAS BEEN WRITTEN, NOT WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU AND WANT YOU TO BELIEVE.
2007-02-22 00:14:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Where do you get this stuff, it's hilarious.
A very similar answer was actually in a Christian science book, Beka books that is.
"Q: What about Neanderthal Man?
A: Hey, you take one of those geezers and put him in tweeds and give him a pipe and he could be a professor anywhere."
2007-02-22 00:09:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does creationism ever need FAQ's?
"God did it" is the best answer for all the questions
E.g:
Q: How big was Noah's ark?
A: Big enough. (God made it big enough)
Q: But what about radioactive dating?
A: Hey, everybody knows that stuff is bad for you. Stick with good Christian girls. (You made everything up didn't you?)
2007-02-22 00:05:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's GREAT Much funnier than the attempts by previous Answerers.
Don't try this at home, folks! This man is a professional!
2007-02-22 00:18:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: But what about radioactive dating?
A: Hey, everybody knows that stuff is bad for you. Stick with good Christian girls.
Ahahahaha! I really did laugh at that one.
2007-02-22 00:08:00 · answer #7 · answered by WithUnveiledFaces 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While it's not difficult to spot the sarcasm in it all, I am impressed by the number of truly accurate answers to several of these questions.
2007-02-22 00:30:04 · answer #8 · answered by Rob D 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I, too, hope that that was sarcasm. Evolution is now a proven fact; the debate is over.
2007-02-22 00:07:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
evolution has more facts backing it up than the bible.
2007-02-22 00:21:01 · answer #10 · answered by Jason Bourne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋