Babysitter....?

Question

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070214133354AAIYOOr&show=7
That has most of the story. But now there is more.

After the talk I had with her, things are going downhill.
Now she wakes me up in the morning while she is making him breakfast. She doesn't understand that he doesn't need to talk while he eats.
I'm also being woken up when she is getting him dressed, because she is insisting on him learning to dress himself. One day she just handed him his shirt and said "Can you put this on yourself honey?" and then let him struggle with it for 10 minutes before he got it on! Then (if I hadn't been laying awake this would have woken me) she started clapping and being obnoxious about it.
The same with his pants and socks. And she isn't even helping him- whenever he starts getting frusterated even just a little, she takes his hands and does it for him, with his hands. How will he learn ANYTHING that way? He won't.
(More in edits since this runs out of characters to use)

And now, right after he eats and is dressed for the day, she is out the door with him. I think she only stays out until she thinks I'm gone, this morning she left at 9 and at 1030 she was already back! Some fun for him!
And he is 2. So dumping his food and being a kid, is what he does. This morning he did it I guess and I hear her use his first and middle name (his 'bad boy' name) and then "Clean that up. I'm not cleaning it up." A few seconds later "Do you want time out? You don't do that, you will get time out then clean that up. We don't throw food on the floor." and etc. Lazy? Very.
And with the dressing himself, she lets him do it all, and go out like that! She took him out with his pants backwards, not matching his shirt, his jacket buttoned skipping a button, and an adult sized sunhat.
She should at least fix what he does when he gets dressed.

And since I told her more arts and crafts, she came to me whining. "He doesn't like crayons or markers, and you're out of paint. He won't color or anything."
SO I went out and bought finger paints for HER to use with him. I got home at 2 that day and when I got there, he was in only a diaper, paint all over himself, all over the paper he should have been painting on, all over her hair and clothes and she was laughing. What was funny? Of course she cleaned it up, knowing I wouldn't clean up HER mistake.
And yesterday it was VERY hot. When I woke up, I thought they were gone. Nope.
I went out the front door and there they were, him in socks and his oldest grundiest pants, coloring all over our driveway in chalk.
I asked her where it came from, she said "I bought it so we'd have more to do. He's bored with the park, so I wanted to mix it up a bit. He likes coloring whereever he wants to."

But my wife is falling more and more in love with her every day.
I feel completely hopeless.

And now she has him correcting me. Whenever I burp or something, I hear "No! Say Scuse me. Rude!" coming from him. She isn't letting him be a boy!

He peed in his toilet today, (which she calls "POTTY") and she and him colored a big poster thing saying 'yay i went in the potty'. Like he understands what it means. She had him rehearsed because when I got home he showed me it, and clapped saying 'Pee in potty! I big boy!"

It was a bit windy today also. So she cut their afternoon park visit short. We've known since she started working for us that she has some stupid fear of wind. In her words, "it completely just shakes me up. You know, childhood things carried through life."
I don't want her stupid idiotic fear interfering with his fun. I mentioned it and she shrugged and used the old excuse;
'i tried... but even silly phobias are hard to get over.'

I'm thinking of telling my wife I might just leave her if we can't get a good, mature sitter. (And an adult. Not some child.)

Also, I'm starting to feel pushed out. I'm sure its her doing.
When I get home, he doesnt run to see me. He doesnt hug me. And he wont take milk from me anymore (her and my wife call it 'beeba'. just cuddletime to drink some milk and calm down.) it is a very intimate thing for him, and he used to only let me and my wife do it. now he only allows her and my wife to do it. He screams if i try to cuddle down with him and some milk.

And he sits and reads all weekend. He gets in the big rocking chair and "reads" his books to himself. He will go through all his books as many tims as it takes for me to get tired of it and take him outside or something.
All i see is my son turning into a lazy little kid. He needs to learn sports and things, he wont be able to read until he is 4 anyway.

Putting on his own clothes wont hurt him, but it wont help him if she jumps in to correct him right when he starts getting frustrated.
And going out looking like a 2 year old dressed him (which, a 2 year old DID dress him) is not right. She can let him do it, then put on matching clothes. correctly.

She doesnt even let him brush his own teeth. She does it until she is satisfied, then lets him brush them. But he knows he isnt really brushing and probably feels crushed he cant do it for real.

Answer 1

I couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor little guy. Obviously as parents you want as little to do with the upbringing of your son as possible. Sad

Answer 2

after reading this and your other question, I'd have to agree with the majority, she sounds like she's doing a very good job, but you sound like you don't know the first thing about raising a child. She's right, he should be learning these things, if he's stressing about the potty, hold off for a while and try again later, an hour and a half out is a lot for a kid that age, and "fixing" his clothes when he is proud of having dressed himself is just going to breed a defeatist attitude, he should be able to proudly wear his pants on backwards if he did it by himself! A child that age should not be brushing his own teeth, didn't the dentist tell you that? And yes, he does know what pee in potty means and can easily begin learning to read before he is 4! and you are only paying her 150/week?! Rather than complaining, you should thank your lucky stars that your son has such a competent and loving caregiver, sounds like better than his own uneducated father! Maybe your ridiculous expectations are what's driving your son away and ruining your marriage, and frankly, if you don't educate yourself, they'd all be better off without you. Everything you say makes me pity her and your son, maybe you should read up on parenting so you can learn what a great job she's doing!

Answer 3

Ok, I'm a bit lost! Why aren't you the one getting up with your son? I am torn between what is right and what is wrong. I can't believe you have a 17 yr old raising your son. Then harp about the job she is doing. Maybe you should put him in daycare. You don't like the way she doesn't clean up after him and herself. At daycare they take them outside everyday. They will work with letters, colors, numbers, and arts and crafts. Even take them on Field trips. Plus they get to spend time with other children there own age. Your wife could take him in the morning before work, so you can sleep in.
I'm not trying to put you down or judge you. But, if you don't like what this girl is doing with your son, then get off your lazy bum and do it yourself. It upsets me that people have children, then pay for someone else to take care of them. I understand you have to work and need someone you can trust take care of your son. But why does she have to get him ready for the day and fix him breakfast, when your still at home?
The potty training thing is hard for kids. My twins ran all summer in just a pull up( which I feel didn't help none) or just underwear. Do you know how hard it is to change them when they pee them self's? Gross and to many outfits to go through. Sometimes its best to let them run free. Just as long as its in the house and not out. Are you and your wife helping with he potty training at night? You can't expect the sitter to do it all.
I say get rid of her and find a mature adult babysitter. Interview this time, run an ad in the paper. Or look into daycares, some at home daycares are nice too. Just make sure you go meet them at there house and make sure you ask lots or questions. I also think you should get up with him and start his day off right with spending some alone time with daddy.

Answer 4

You have NO idea what it takes to raise a child, do you? What exactly is she doing wrong, because by all of your descriptions, she is doing everything right. Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a two year old little boy occupied for more than ten minutes? Certain days are certain activities? Do you do anything with your son? Do YOU sit down and color with him? What exactly do you do for work, other than spy on your babysitter? It seems as if you are home quite a bit, why don't you stay home and watch your own kid? I think your wife is falling in love with her because she is doing a great job.

Answer 5

wow. thats quite a read. im going to tell you what im getting through the lines out of it though, and im going to be honest because thats what you need. 150/week is chump change, you get what you pay for. 17 is too young to have a child, therefore too young to parent yours. it sounds to me like you are angry that you are 'being bothered' with your child, like since shes there, you feel no need to be a parent. im going to guess that this is your first child. a tv wont hurt him, neither will a sugared drink, neither will having to put his own shirt on.. why are you sleeping while shes there? why do you push her to get her license? sounds like you acknowledge the fact that shes too young to be a caretaker, and have become a parental figure to her, you arent giving her much respect, she is still growing and learning too. i have four children, and ran businesses from home so that they wouldnt go to daycare. either you have to learn to look away and hope their careprovider doesnt traumatise them, or you will have to be home full time with your child. if either parent is making less than 2500/month, staying home would be a benefit. if you add up all the real expenses of working out of the house, they will leave you with very little profit. things like gas, mileage, food out at lunch, professional attire, daycare, taxes should all be in the equation. often you will find that you get more tax breaks and refunds with only one income. seriously look into it. its not her, its you, and youre never going to be happy, no matter who the caregiver is. you really need to start parenting and not passing it off to someone else for 150/wk. time really does fly by, and you will be sorry, the days you have to parent your child are very few.

Answer 6

If you don't like the way the sitter teaches him then you
should consider getting up and teaching him yourself
the way you think it should be. Have a talk with her. Maybe
she could do things your way if you tell her nicely what you
want.

Answer 7

Ok this is my opinion I read your other question as well. If you are only going to pay her $150 a week than you shouldn't expect that much from her. If she is your babysitter then it is not her responsibility to clean up after you and your wife. It is her responsibility to clean up after what they do all day. The whole thing with dressing him and leaving him in what he has on is fine. Who cares if he is wearing old pants to use chalk outside... Would you want his nice clothes to get messed up???? He also does need to learn no to throw food on the floor. He needs to learn how to clean up after himself. As you said he is two. You are paying someone to watch your child all day long all week long and yet you are expecting so much out of her. With what she is doing she is worth more than that. Also your son is your son. It is not her job to potty train him and if she is doing it than that is great. The best way to potty train is to let them run around in just a pull up. That way it is easier to get it off so he can go pee pee. Also learning to dress himself is a good thing because he needs to be a big boy. If you want to baby him you do it. The reasoning for leaving him how he did it is that he is proud of getting himself dressed so why make him feel like he did something wrong when he did something very very good even if it isn't up to your standards. There are ways to teach children and doing it for them is not teaching them. They need to learn on their own and showing him what he needs to do does just that. I think maybe you need to think about your "babysitter" as part of the family and not a nussance because she is going above and beyond what she should actually be doing. Call around to Preschools and see what they are charging for 8-5:30. Do not call day cares because they don't teach them a thing. He is going to get frustrated. I think maybe you just don't like her so you are picking every little thing you can to complain about. Again let me say your son is two!!!!! He is going to paint and get all messy. Even if you can't see that she is helping him she is.... She is making him more independant instead of making him rely on other people. It seems to me like you want her to be the parent and you are the one that is the baby sitter. If you want her to do a better job pay her more. If you can't afford to pay her more than do nice things for and apppreciate her. Invite her to dinner and don't expect her to cook it. Please remember you are only paying her to take care of your son... Not yourself and your wife. It seems to me like you want a zombie child that has everything done to him and only talks when spoken too. Children learn from being vocal and even though you don't wnt him to watch TV there are great educational shows that she could watch with him. Little Einsteins are great and so is JoJo's Circus. Playhouse disney has a lot of shows that teach about sharing and caring. Also Sesame Street is great. When a child does something good you have to notice it even if "YOU" think it is obnoxious. When my 20 month old goes pee pee in the potty we sing a song and dance around. You have to make them feel like they did something right. I honostly think that you need to take a parenting class because you obviously don't know how to do certain learning thngs with your son. I know this probably won't answer your question the way that you want but I am coming from a stay at home moms point of view. I am hear to teach my child not someone else. Potty and getting dressed are two great milestones and I want to encourage her to do it and not discourage her from it. We are on one income and i want to go back to work soon, but I can give up certain things that way I can teach my children what kind of love a parent can give because obviously you are not teaching your son that love the "babysitter" is. Just think about that please. If you are not happy with her than maybe you need to find another option for your son. Oh and another thing she is waking you up????? You should be the one to get your son up and get him breakfast and then she should get there as you and your wife are leaving for work. I want you to read your old question and your new one and read it as if it wasn't your question. What do you get from it???? Email me please and tell me.

Answer 8

You or your wife need to quit your job and stay home with your child and parent him. NOBODY is going to love him or treat him the way you his MOMMY and DADDY will. I think this is so sad!! Why did you have a child if you aren't going to raise him?

Get this horrible woman out of your house!!

Answer 9

tell your mom to fire her!