Ever heard this joke about Christianity?

Question

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

He said "Why shouldn't I?".

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?"

He said, "Religious."

I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

He said, "Christian."

I said, "Me too! Are you catholic or Protestant?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

He said, "Baptist!"

I said, "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist church of god or Baptist church of the lord?"

He said, "Baptist church of god!"

I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist church of god, or are you reformed Baptist church of god?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist church of god!"

I said, "Me too! Are you reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!"

I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

Answer 1

I agree, it's a classic. Notice that Christians here are able to see the humor?

Answer 2

Okaaaaaaayyyyy........

I am a Conservative Baptist turned Southern Baptist, turned Nazarene, turned Non-denominational, turned Southern Baptist, turned Assembly of God and now Non-denominational again. I guess I would have been pushed off a long time ago. Good thing God sees my heart and knows I follow Christ - all else doesn't matter.

Answer 3

The Islamic Q’uran is NON-Contextual and relies on the Bukhari to paint its backdrops. (Top 2 most ‘holy’ Islamic books). These teachings are prevalent throughout the book.

Judge the following for yourself.

Qur’an 8:60 “Infidels should not think that they can get away from us. Prepare against them whatever arms and weaponry you can muster so that you may terrorize them.”
Bukhari:V4B52N260 “The Prophet said, ‘If a Muslim discards his religion, kill him!’”
Qur’an 5:51 “Believers, take not Jews and Christians for your friends.”
Bukhari [4:52:177]: Allah's Apostle said, "The Hour will not be established until you fight with the Jews, and the stone behind which a Jew will be hiding will say. "O Muslim! There is a Jew hiding behind me, so kill him!"

THOUGH THE ISLAMIC ALLAH WANTS MUSLIMS TO KILL ALL NON-MUSLIMS, MANY MUSLIMS ARE NOT DOING SO AT THIS MOMENT (WITH DISAPPOINTMENT FROM THE FUNDAMENTALIST ISLAMISTS) BECAUSE THEY ARE NOW ENJOYING THEMSELVES, SOME AFRAID OF REPRISALS. DON'T THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT MUSLIMS ARE PEACEFUL. IF THEY SEEM TO BE, THEY ARE ACTUALLY NON-PRACTICING MUSLIMS.

Perhaps you think this is bullshit. But wait. Take a quick glance below of islam’s founder’s behaviour recorded in one of the most authentic Islamic texts ever recorded below and you will not think so again. Remember this, Muhammad personified the teachings of the Q’uran.

MUHAMMED HAS NO MERCY; Sahih Bukhary; and Hanbel.
Bukhary, Volume 1, Book 4, Number 234:

Bukhari, V1B4N234: "A group of people from the Oreyneh and Oqayelh tribes came to the prophet to embrace Islam, the prophet advised them to drink the urine of the camels. Later on when they killed the prophet's shepherd, the prophet seized them, gouged out their eyes, cut their hands and legs, and left them thirsty in the desert to die."

IF MUHAMMAD WAS A MURDERER, A RAPIST, A PEODPHILE, A LIAR, WHAT LESS CAN YOU EXPECT OF HIS FOLLOWERS? MUSLIMS BECOME TERRORISTS BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY ARE MEANT TO BECOME. BECAUSE THAT IS TRUE ISLAM. WHAT IS TRUE, IS WHAT HAS BEEN WRITTEN, NOT WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU AND WANT YOU TO BELIEVE.

http://www.bibleprobe.com/muhammad.htm
http://www.prophetofdoom.net

Answer 4

Ohh, that's baaaad. I love it!

Reminds me of the joke about two guys sitting in Murphy's pub one evening, having a few pints. One looks at the other one and says in a rich Irish brogue, "Sure, and ye look familar, lad. By any chance, are you Catholic?"

The other man says, "That I am! And I was thinkin you looked familiar, meself. Did you go to St. Mary's High School?"

"Faith, what a coincidence! That I did," the first man nods. "Were you in Sister Mary Ambrose's class?"

The second man looks stunned. "Now there's the wonder of the world -- surely, I was in her class! 1983, it was!"

"Saints help us -- so was I!"

About that time, another regular walks into the bar and starts to sit down near the two men. Murphy shakes his head and gestures for the newcomer to take another chair.

"You don't want to sit there," he says. "The Finnegan twins are drunk again."

Answer 5

I’ve heard variations of that before and if you have ever heard a Baptist explain the different types of Baptist, you know it’s on the mark.

Answer 6

Wow! That story reminds me of the Christians who insist that although I am a Christian, I will not go to Heaven unless I believe that Jesus wasn't really the son of God, but that Jesus was God himself.

Personally, I care more about what Jesus said and did; which witnesses to me that If I follow his instructions, I will go to Heaven.

Answer 7

Hey, is that like the Shiites and Sunnis slaughtering each other by the thousands?

Answer 8

I am baptist that is funny stuff

Answer 9

heey that's great! im religious--this joke just goes to show how denominations etc. are not needed in this world

Answer 10

lol
rather funny, but i wasnt really laughing out loud