has anyone dated a girl (or a iguess the same could go for a guy) that you really like but really bother by theyre past? example theyre past guys, lifestyle, partying, etc... really love this girl but her past really just bothers me i dunno why cause i know shes not cheating on me or anything i cant think of why it was make me so easy and why i think about it so much
2007-02-21 13:17:35 · 10 answers · asked by cadavor9 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
if she's changed... then why are you worried...??? everyone has a crazy period in their life and it would be in your best interest if you FORGIVE her for it.. and let it go... that's not the person she is today.
2007-02-21 13:24:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm. I hear you. I have been pondering exactly that myself (for the guy route). I am also so confused as to why I think about it constantly.
I've been told that being with someone, in a healthy relationship anyway, is supposed to increase your self-esteem and self-worth (and vice versa), and not the opposite. If you are feeling insecurity with this person, maybe they did something or are doing something (not cheating, you said she wasn't) that is making you feel a little insecure? That, or, perhaps you have an insecurity problem yourself? I'm not saying that you do. But do you feel like this often or only with this girl?
With my situation, I think what happened (one of the things anyway) was that in the beginning, he kind of brought his past into 'our' present. He would consistently still talk to his ex, even while we were out. Which wasn't nice. And they were in a serious relationship when they were together (lived together, etc.). And that bothered me, and I mentioned it but he didn't seem to validate me on that.
He doesn't do that now (to my knowledge anyway), but it still bothers me up 'til this day. I try not to let it (and other things), but it does. And all of these thoughts about his past come into my head. And this is odd for me because I am not usually a jealous person..
And like you, I don't know why I do it, what is causing (or has caused) it, and how to stop.
Sorry I could not give you a clear answer (as I am in a similar situation), but I hope what I said has helped some.
I hope you find the clarity you're looking for.
2007-02-21 13:42:52 · answer #2 · answered by lostlittlegirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have this motto that keeps me and my hubby together..."don't ask, and I won't tell." The past is just that, in the past. When someone decides to build a life either alone, or with someone else, what they did to make them the person that you love doesn't matter. All that matters is that they are the person that you love and build from there. If you try to build with lumber from the past all your gonna get is a bunch of rotten boards.
2007-02-21 13:25:00 · answer #3 · answered by Ofie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When someone changes their lifestyle, it is important the people around them understand and accept their past, but also trust them to do the right thing.
Spending too much time worrying yourself about this will poison the relationship. Realise that you too have made mistakes in your life that you don't wish others to hold against you. Please offer this same forgiveness to the girl you love.
Healing comes from acceptance.
2007-02-21 13:24:18 · answer #4 · answered by yutu34 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a person with a haunting past, demons or bones in the closet is someone that is holding a can of worms that cant be closed by you.
if you can accept her and love her, then you need to accept what comes with her...the whole package.
dont accept a burden unless you have the responsibility to spare.
2007-02-21 13:26:33 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have issues with my exs past. He doesnt tell me about it. Which bothers me bcexpects me to tell him every detail about mine. just enjoy the time with her. Try to think about other things beside her past. I mean everyone has one. Just some of ours are more crazy than others...
2007-02-21 13:49:26 · answer #6 · answered by Simply Complicated 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cant get over her past,then you need to let her go! Wich ,more than likely you won't! so I suggest you avoid having any unrealistic expectations ,other wise you are just setting your self up for disapointments.REALLY!
2007-02-21 13:27:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't get over it, then you have to move on. I don't know how ftfull she would be, but you aound like you might be the very jealous type and this isn't conducive to good relationships.
2007-02-21 14:04:27 · answer #8 · answered by al b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her past is her past. Love her for what and who she is today.
2007-02-21 13:21:56 · answer #9 · answered by Vida 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.time will help with that when you feel more comfy with her.
2007-02-21 13:20:27 · answer #10 · answered by kat_luvr2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋