My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship now for 2 years. During this time, I have found out that he likes to look at naked women and frequent the "go-go" bars. When he goes to these bars, he doesn't just sit at the bar, he sits at the runway and tips the girls! He says that it doesn't mean anything ... he's just being a "guy." Should I be upset? It hurts my feelings that he's so open about liking to look at other women ... it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him, even though he tells me all the time how awesome my body is., etc. I'm the kind of person that, once I fall in love with someone, I have no desire to be with, much less look at naked, any other men. I can't understand how he can say that he loves me but still openly expresses his attraction to the other women. Should I just accept it or forbid it? We eventually plan to get married. Help!!!
2007-02-21 12:43:47 · 15 answers · asked by anon2009 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just the fact that this bothers you enough to ask this question should be answer enough. Sure, some people will probably tell you that it shouldn't bother you or to just accept it, but that's them. I don't think that's going to work for you. If you plan on marrying this guy, you need to get this straightened out now. This is my thought on the matter: Let's say I was out walking with my boyfriend and a pretty girl passes by. He will probably notice. Even I might notice. But since I am not bisexual or even bicurious, I would soon look away. Now if his gaze lingers longer than mine, then there is a problem. Because then he is not just noticing, he is deliberately looking. You see, there is a distinction to be made. If you can't see it from that point of view, here is another. As a woman, I'm sure you've probably recognized the difference between being innocently acknowledged and being mentally undressed. Basically, what I'm saying is that my boyfriend better not have any woman in his sexual thoughts and fantasies other than me. So, hell no, I would not allow him to see other women naked because what else would he be thinking about?? Sex is supposed to be between two people. It's private, it's intimate. Kissing, touching, or LOOKING at another person in a sexual way falls under the heading of infidelity.
2007-02-21 13:06:30 · answer #1 · answered by claire5star 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if it bothers you he shouldn't be going! I also think a good and fun solution is put on a private show for him. Give him what he likes without having wandering eyes. You should dress up in some sexy lingerie and dance for him. It will be a lot of fun for both of you. My fiance have been together for almost 4 years and looks at other women too. It doesn't bother me because I know he loves me he is human. Just like I think other men are attractive, he thinks other women are attractive. I don't see anything wrong with looking. However, I would not be comfortable with my man spending money to see other naked women.
2007-02-21 20:50:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Once it's a habit, next moment it's the past, then no matter how hard that habit has gone, it's incredibly easy to get it back.
Your best bet is to make him SURE that you're WAY more sexier than those girls. Dance for him a little, moan alot more, let the baby get his much wanted candy.
When he's about to leave for those girls, slip on your sexiest outfit and show off a little. He'll stay. A very very long time. Guarrented.
Before you two are married, make sure to ask him to stop going to those places. If he truly desires you, then you're the only one who can be able to fufill his sexual needs. If he disagrees, he's not worth it.
I hope I helped. ;P
2007-02-21 20:58:47 · answer #3 · answered by Pristine 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to feel the way you do! I would feel insulted if my boyfriend of 2 years went out and did those things. Especially looking at other naked women...Have you told him how you feel about this? Tell him what you told us here. He may think that you don't mind it because you haven't said anything about it. Now is your chance to, and if he truly loves and respects you, he will stop his "single guy" behavior and focus on you and the relationship more. If he's not willing to compromise, you might want to consider how much he means to you and how much he cares about you. Good luck.
2007-02-21 20:51:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If i were you I would dump him like the junk he is. I mean a night out with the guys at a normal bar is ok but if it's like once a week and nude bars... I'm not so sure that's ok. If I were you I would go out there and find a guy that will treat you like Gold! Yes they are out there you just have to look really hard.
~Shoot for the Moon & if you fall you can catch a Star.~
2007-02-21 20:53:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he looks at them in admiration, you shouldn't be upset, but if he does it lustfully, that should ring some bells for you.
2 years with a guy, should be enough for you to know if he finds you attractive enough to stay by you.
Rememebr you might not be the most beautiful or only beautiful girl around, so accept it, and it will be easier for you to deal with it.
Guys don't like it when they feel their women are 'monitoring them'
If you do that, they might decide to do those things when you are not around and that is when all the 'troubles' begin.
If he didnt want to be with you, he wouldnt have been with you for 2 years.
Love him, respect his way and give him some breathing space, so that when you also start to look at other guys, he wont complain.
2007-02-21 20:50:27 · answer #6 · answered by ggoldiee23 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Thats a good but tough question. I think for the most part he is just being a guy. Blame nature. Guys just like to look and maybe fantasize. Plus you two may plan on getting married but you are not at this time. After you got married assuming that you do. I wouldnt allow it at that point but for now id let it go. Just my opinion. Good Luck.
2007-02-21 20:50:33 · answer #7 · answered by Smarty Pants™ 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If it really bothers you, then you shouldn't have to accept it. I am the same way... I hate my boyfriend looking at porn or other women in general. I told him so, and he stopped. Ask you boyfriend about it, let him know how it makes you feel, and see how he reacts. If he is sensitive to how you feel and puts in an effort to stop, then you've got a good one. If he accuses you of being crazy or possessive/controlling, that's not right. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the only one.
2007-02-21 20:48:45 · answer #8 · answered by sally gally 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I know EXACTLY how you feel. My boyfriend who I've been dating for over a year has been watching porn for the last 6 months of our relationship. He promised my that he didn't, and that he wasn't "that type of guy," and he doesn't know that I know what he's been doing. I know exactly how it makes you feel. I hate the fact that he watches other people have sex! That's disgusting! It's so disturbing! It's horrible to think that he imagines himself with those other girls. If I were in your position, I would FORBID it. It causes distrust and if he really loves you, he wouldn't do something you don't approve of.
2007-02-21 20:49:50 · answer #9 · answered by Confused 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
i know this kind of thing can be frustrating for women but hey, its in guy's nature to look at other women.
instead for forbidding it, just politely tell him that you feel uncomfortable of him liking to look at other women (so that he knows your feeling at least) but you're not gonna forbid it because you love and trust him*
i'm sure your bf is intelligent enough to know that he shouldn't be serious with those girls in the bar.
also, since you two are planning to get married eventually, let him enjoy his bachelorhood. once he's married, he's gotta have to shift his mind to you and family anyway.
good luck*** :-)
2007-02-21 21:03:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋