I think about her cheating on me way too often, yet I have no real reason to worry. We've been together for two years and its been great, but lately at work, all I think about is her cheating. She came from split parents b/c her dad cheated, and I know its one of her worst fears of happening to her, but here it is - still on my mind. We have talked about it, and that always helps, but these intrusive thoughts keep popping into my head. All I can think of is my job is not mentally stimulating, and therefore my mind wanders - unfortunately to this. Like I said, we are good together and plan to marry, but I need to get this crap out of my head. HELP!!!
2007-02-21 12:33:14 · 10 answers · asked by brian f 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Next time thoughts of her cheating enter your mind, you need to be a little introspective and think about WHY you are worried about her cheating.
You say she came from split parents, and that her dad cheated, which is a start, but at the same time you say that being cheated on is one of her worst fears. That would suggest she isn't likely to cheat on you. So maybe there is some other reason as to why you think about this so much.
Have any of your friends been cheated on? Have your friends commented on how attractive your girlfriend is? Has anyone you know said anything negative about your girlfriend that might plant these seeds of worry in your mind?
If you can't discover anything, maybe you should take a look at your own emotional state of being. Is it possible you are having a fear of commitment, and are therefore fabricating any issue, no matter how ridiculous, as an effort to subconsciously distance yourself from her? If you think this might be possible, you'll want to spend some time researching fears of commitment, and maybe even speak to a licensed family therapist. Or, if you are religious, speak to a priest or member of your church's clergy.
Now, that being said, maybe you are just lacking in stimulus and so your mind wanders to the worst possible scenario. This isn't necessarily abnormal, but it's not necessarily normal either.
I have been cheated on in the worst possible way, and at first I felt I would never recover, but now I have been dating a girl for well over a year and have absolutely no fear of her cheating on me. Why? Because being cheated on is a huge fear of hers, and she is very naturally reassuring about her feelings and faithfulness to me.
So you might want to examine your relationship with your girlfriend and see if somehow she is not reassuring you enough about her commitment to you. Does her happiness with you seem obvious? Does she tell you she loves you? Can you make her smile easily? Does she seem very close to you, or can you spot any kind of distance?
If your relationship checks out, then I'd say you're in great shape. You just need to find a way to stop worrying. You could ask your boss for more responsibility or extra projects (also a good way to get promoted while you're at it). Next time you start thinking about her cheating, shift your thinking to how you could bring a smile to her face later that day. Spend some time searching for ideas on how to please your mate, like lovingyou.com, and plan to do something for her. Then, when you do and it pays off in her obvious satisfaction, you will feel great!
Best of luck bud.
2007-02-21 12:49:11 · answer #1 · answered by wa-webguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see exactly where your coming from - I went through something kind of similiar (Im 23) and i constantly worried that my boyfriend was cheating on me and it turns out that he was. I just figured the worry that i was feeling was my heart trying to tell me something....
If your worrying about her cheating on you it doesnt nessecarily mean that you DONT trust her - it may just mean that your afraid of getting hurt and trust me - they are two completley different things.
How long have u felt like this? If its not long then it may just be a phase, but if its been awhile then maybe its time to question things a little more seriously regarding your relationship.
2007-02-21 12:39:17 · answer #2 · answered by Tanya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may not be an adult, but if you mean mature responses, then well... If you're worried, maybe call her in the middle of the day and make casual conversations like, hey how are you? what you doing? i love you? can't wait to see you again. or something like that. Just checking but try to limit it a little, start with like twice a week to 3 times, then 5 times occassionally. Maybe it'll help just talking.
2007-02-21 12:40:18 · answer #3 · answered by Gainy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a self esteem/confidence issue. Don't think the worse always think the best. If you voice to her your insecurities and you have no real reason it can be a very big "turn off" for her. Women like strong confident men. Take up a hobby and try counseling to help you through this.
2007-02-21 12:39:19 · answer #4 · answered by QuEEn B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, the reason most people worry, is from lack of self esteem. She loves you. IF she was cheating, she would be more loving, caring and giving then usual. I know this because I used to be a cheater.....I would be a better gf then I ever was when I was faithful......
2007-02-21 12:40:52 · answer #5 · answered by ntouchspa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my husband at one time thought i was cheating on him when i had done nothing wrong and i think when a man does that its annoying and its because they lack self esteem or something , don't do her that way , if she has gave you no reason to not trust her than don't act like she has because you might push her away eventually
2007-02-21 12:43:18 · answer #6 · answered by mom of 4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if her parents are divorced or whatever that does not mean that she is a photo-copy ... get away these illusions. Start a solid loving life and trust her and you will find a trust back to you.
Happy life.
2007-02-21 12:39:31 · answer #7 · answered by Sara007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her point-blank "Are you seeing someone else?" Then you can judge her reaction and answer.
If my hubby asked me that, I'd probably start crying, and say "OMG why would you think that?? No way I'd EVER do anything so stupid" and it would be the truth! But my hubby already knows that, thank goodness!
2007-02-21 12:44:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you have the same thought keeps going thru your head, usually some reason for it.
2007-02-21 12:37:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know her well enough you would know if she was cheating on you or if she would never cheat on you.
2007-02-21 12:38:12 · answer #10 · answered by E.B. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋