My bf & I have been together for 5 years. Even though we are not financially ready for marriage i cannot help but think about getting engaged all the time. I keep wondering what is taking him so long to propose since we are practically married anyways (i feel ready for that next step). I would be content on getting engaged now and waiting 2 years or so until i am done school for the whole wedding thing.
(we already live together and we are still quite young [almost 21 & 22)
Are there others that feel the same way as i do?
2007-02-21 12:02:44 · 19 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Becareful!!! You may get what you asked for when you really dont want it.
2007-02-21 12:06:22 · answer #1 · answered by SARAH D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing. I actually confronted him about it (we were together for 4 years before he finally proposed and we got married). He said that he wanted to have a stable income before making that type of decision (since most women start planning immediately after getting engaged). He wasn't financially ready - he wanted to be able to buy a house and have a decent wedding rather than being engaged and unable to afford a wedding or home for us. I suggest that you ask your boyfriend why he hasn't asked you. Be open to hearing something you may not like - because he can either be:
contemplating marriage but cannot afford it
isn't ready just yet to be married
feel comfortable in the position where the relationship is right now
wants to get married, but is scared
be supportive. And no it isn't weird to think about getting engaged - face it you've been with him so long it's expected !!
Just don't obsess over it.
2007-02-21 20:17:18 · answer #2 · answered by Sasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend and I just got engaged in December and have been together for 5 and lived together for a year out of the 5. I know how you are feeling. I'm 23 will be 24 when we marry and he is 28. I'm thinking either he just thinks you guys are too young or like my guy what took him so long is the cost of rings. What I did was I kept bringing up that I wanted to get married soon and I just went down to the mall and went shopping with a friend. Then I went back to him and told him I found a ring that I liked and they have payment plans with no money down and no interest. Then he was like oh okay I can afford this. So the next day we went down together got our rings. Maybe if you do that see how he reacts to it. Then you will know how he feels about it right now. OR Just ask him! =) Good luck.
2007-02-21 20:15:51 · answer #3 · answered by BlahBlahBlah 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is definitely okay to think about it, but the idea of getting engaged is that you are actually ready to get married, not that you are making a statement and then waiting another several years before getting married.
Does your boyfriend know how you feel?
You really are very young. It's great that you guys have been together for 5 years, but I'm assuming you're both still in college (or have just graduated), and haven't experienced much of life. Experience life first--then get married.
I used to obsess about finding "The one" and getting married, and I was upset that I was edging ever closer to 30 and still single. I finally found the one and am getting married, but I am SO glad that I experienced life first!
If he really is the one for you and you for him, you will get married in due time. Enjoy being young! Enjoy hanging out with your friends and bar hopping!
Wait until you are BOTH ready to get married and then you can obsessively anticipate the ring!
2007-02-21 20:15:37 · answer #4 · answered by ms. teacher ft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is so special about being "engaged"? You've already taken the glow off of it, and moved into a "common law" marriage. What makes you think you're not financially ready? You're doing it.
As to the intelligence of it, I believe a woman who moves in with a guy is cheating herself; why should he commit himself when he already has what he's comfortable with?
There are other things to consider:
If he was critically injured and in the hospital, say ICU, you're not his wife, so could not see him, and would have no say in what he'd want or medical care.
If you have little ones, and decide later to split, how hard would it be to force child support?
If either of you has insurance, it would cover a spouse, but not if you're not married. Life insurance would not go to you, either.
Whose name is the car, etc. in? Do you have any legal claim to any of it if anything happened?
A marriage certificate is just a piece of paper, but it does represent a legal committment that gives each of you some rights that you don't otherwise have. If you're not sure you want to commit, why wouldn't you wait until you are sure??
2007-02-21 20:19:28 · answer #5 · answered by jelmar106 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. I am ready for my boyfriend to propose to me. I've already told all my girlfriends ideas of how he could propose to me in case he asks them. They will all have good ideas. He knows what kind of ring I would like and everything. His main thing is that he wants to pay off a lot of his student loans and credit cards first. I understand that, but I just want to be engaged. I guess its just a whole commitment thing. I know he's commited to me, but this is just one more step towards the ultimate commitment. I am okay with being engaged for a long time too. He will do it one of these days. When he's ready...
2007-02-22 12:29:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well. i don't think it's wrong to be thinking about it all the time...if you love the guy, of course it's natural that your excited about starting "the rest of your life" with him.
but, since you already live together, what's the big deal about getting engaged? plus, what do you mean that you are not financially ready for marriage?
do your parents pay for the two of your to live together?
im with those above who said engagement is for those who are ready to plan a wedding and get married...if youre not ready to get married, you shouldn't be getting engaged
2007-02-21 22:20:11 · answer #7 · answered by jennyvee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years but it feels like longer. We've talked about it a lot but we're not financially ready. Nonetheless, I still want to at least be engaged. I wouldn't care if it was a long one, either. I just feel like I'm ready to start my life with him already. Good luck with yours and just know that you're not the only one who feels like this.
Btw, me and my boyfriend are both 23 and said we'd like to get married at 25 so maybe it's not too far off...
2007-02-21 21:31:37 · answer #8 · answered by Wishing on a Dream 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it's not wrong to think about all the time! it would be the next logical step in your relationship. if your relationship is healthy and you said your not financially ready for marraige then maybe its worth waiting and saving up some money and being more secure before you take the next big step. i cant wait to get engaged, and i do think it about it a lot. you just cant pressure him, because it may push him away. but casually continue to bring it up! i hope everything works out for you! your still young, there's plenty of time to be engaged and married!
2007-02-21 20:25:39 · answer #9 · answered by Lo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting engaged means setting the path for marriage and planning for the big day. You need money for this and like you said, you guys are not financially ready yet.
My advice is not to pressure him or rush into it. Just let it happen naturally and when the time comes, you'll be totally surprised and happy. :-)
2007-02-21 20:09:26 · answer #10 · answered by lynnieda 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's not ready to marry you now, chances don't look good. Especially with you living with him. What you really need to do is move out on your own, gain some independence, pay your own rent and bills and continue to date him if you wish. You will grow and mature as a woman, and gain some experience in the real world.
2007-02-21 22:01:12 · answer #11 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋