my daughter who is 16 was told off by her mother tonight, my daughters anger resulted in her punching a light switch an smashing it, what would bethe right punishment?
2007-02-21 11:16:58 · 7 answers · asked by ~~eddie m~~~ 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
No punishment really.
She just needs to know that lashing out like that is unacceptable. Maybe deduct the cost of the switch from her allowance to teach responsibility.
Take her out for a drive. Daddy / daughter time. She's obviously upset that she doesn't "connect" with her mom. To a teen, this can be devastating.
Help her thru the problem, don't add to it with punishement.
2007-02-21 11:26:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from a 22yr old woman who threw a few things, slammed a few doors, and punched a wall and made a hole (only once) I have good insight for you.
1. You may be getting a late start but, as a parent, one of your responsabilities is teaching your child how to deal with anger. My parents never did this for me and I really wish they had! It would have saved me money and heartache. I would wait a few days before you sit down and have a conversation. Don't give one of those "you should always talk about your feelings, not act out" sort of speeches, but something more along the lines of "what kind of woman do you want to be? one who punches and throws things- or one who can be strong and articulate the way they feel." Since most girls at that age can't think for themselves when it comes to these kinds of issues- you have to help them a bit. And even if she says she WANTS to be the violent type, you will plant a seed in her head and I'm sure she'll think about it.
2. She's already got baggage. I can almost guarantee you that she has pent up anger at her mom that she needs to deal with. If the cause and effect of a situation don't add up, you need to re-examine the cause. Punching something because a person told you off doesn't add up. Punching something because a person made you mad for the tenth time does. If she doesn't talk to her mom about what's really bothering her (ie: her mom always nags her, is too negative, doesn't give her credit for the good she does) this will happen again. Your daughter might not even realize that she has undealt with issues with her mom. The best thing to do is confront her on the issue and help her find the real root of her problem, then suggest ways to deal with it- maybe a family meeting or have her write a letter to mom.
3. The best thing you can do for her right now is show her THROUGH YOUR BEHAVIOR that you are always there for her and love her. I would suggest taking her to the hardware store- getting a new light switch. Stop for ice cream or a treat on the way home and make fixing the light switch not so crappy. I think it's wrong to punish her if you haven't taught her how to deal with her anger appropriately but she still needs to be a helpful member of the family and fix what she broke.
I'm sure she knows what she did was wrong and will probably just get irritated if you have a long talk about how it was wrong. Like I said- help her, don't punish her after her first offense. Showing love, support, and helping her will go further than making her pay and punishing her. Trust me. My dad was always very kind and forgiving to me and no punishment would have come close to the benefits I recieved from him showing me that he loves and supports me.
2007-02-21 14:29:14 · answer #2 · answered by Erin H 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She needs to have to buy the new lightswitch, and assist in the installation of it. Anger's okay, it's just an emotion, but it's good to learn when you're 16 or younger that how you ACT OUT on your anger has consequences. The consequences need to be related to the damage that was done by her outburst, which is why I recommend she have to replace it. She'll have the experience of the expenditure but also the time that it takes to repair the damage.
My daughter got mad at her sister one day and threw something and broke a window pane. She had to measure the window pane area, write it down, go to the store and help me order the new window pane cut, bring it home and help me fix the window. I don't think anything like that will happen anytime soon.
2007-02-21 12:21:45 · answer #3 · answered by darligraphy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if she gets allowance make her buy a new light switch. At 16 grounding really wont do much good but making her spend her own money on something like that might help.
2007-02-21 11:21:15 · answer #4 · answered by themom95 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree you should have her not only pay for it to be replaced, but also have her help you replace it. Talk to her about other ways she could have expressed her anger. You may also want to consider getting her counseling. She's at a real volatile age and a counselor may be able to help her redirect her anger and give her a channel to talk about her frustrations. Good luck!
2007-02-21 11:29:40 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK. She is obviously stressed. Make her sit down and talk to her about reasons she might be stressed. If she feels guilty make her pay for it, if not.....???
2007-02-21 11:20:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why is this question under 'Toddler & Preschooler".........
2007-02-21 14:35:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋