So, please some advice. I am distressed right now b/c my boyfriend and I are splitting up. This may be a good thing. We have been together for a while and I have delt with his cheating once, and 2 relapses. Then with him thinking there is nothing wrong with making small chit chat with the one he cheated on me with. Problem is he has a good heart, I know sounds cliche, but he is and I think he was truly sorry about what happened which played a part in his relapse. So to the point, I love him very much and have spent most of my time and nights with him. I am broken hearted and don't know what to do. I am soo hurt and I want to be with him, but know he is not healthy enough to be in relationship. I want to be able to get over this, but the heart wants what the heart wants. While this is not necessarily a question and more of a spilling my guts type thing. I would appreciate any advice!!!!
2007-02-21 11:13:32 · 12 answers · asked by pink 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thank you everyone!!!! The relapse was an AA relapse, not a cheating one. Sorry.
2007-02-21 12:29:50 · update #1
Understandably a tough situation which I do not envy you a bit for being in. Obviously it sounds like he's not ready in life to stay settled down with one woman, but given time he may tire out his "sowing his oats" phase in his life and be ready to return to his "true love". Personally, I struggled through 5 years of a destructive relationship (neither of us cheated on the other, but we had other issues). Point being that to prolong a bad situation is a waste of time because life is too short. In my situation, we eventually permanently called it quits to sort out our problems apart. Years later we realized that the damage was done and that there would be no trying again as our emotional scars would always be there to haunt us. Now, almost 4 years after breaking up I still feel pain occasionally from what we went through, and from losing someone I really cared about, a very confusing feeling. Kind of a love/hate thing.
I wish you luck and health. A very trying time I'm sure.
2007-02-21 11:25:30 · answer #1 · answered by carpentryman05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like you know that you shouldn't be with this person even if your heart wants that. If he cheated 3 times then I am sure that he will do it again. You deserve so much better. You aren't able to fully realize that right now though because you are right in the middle of everything. I think that if you do break up with him you will eventually realize that even if he's a "nice" guy that you were only still with him so you wouldn't be lonely. I had an almost 2 year relationship end about 4 months ago and I'm not really over it. I know that it was a good thing but there are still times that I miss him, but then I remember all of the crappy things he did to me. Being alone sucks. But I'm sure that you have had relationships end before and have been devastated, this is very normal. But you also have to remember that you did eventually meet someone new. So, my advice is to ditch this jerk, be alone and broken hearted for a little while, pick up the pieces, work on you and good things will just happen for you.
Good luck :-)
2007-02-21 11:22:33 · answer #2 · answered by sleep2dream65 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first time can may be a slip up the second is a stupid and the third is a me and my stuff is leaving your dumb but. No he does not want you like you want him because if he did he would not have cheated so many times, or even the one. He may be this great guy and all but he just messed up. remember there are things out there that you can't just take a pill for and get over it. he is messing with your life when he does things like that. the heart will heal in time and your mind needs to tell your heart that you are making the right choice.
2007-02-21 11:24:05 · answer #3 · answered by Charlie H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say for you two to find out what you truly want away from each other would be the best. For him to figure out that he loves you and does not want to cheat on you, he needs to be away from you and be able to miss you. If you keep taking him back after his cheating, he will always think all he has to do is say sorry and try to lay some of the blame on you, then you will take him back. It is NOT your fault he cheated and maybe some time apart will help you see that too. Also, maybe you will find someone better than him and when he decides he DOES love you, you may have moved on and he will have to suffer, knowing it was his cheating that drove you away...
2007-02-21 11:21:06 · answer #4 · answered by Just another opinion 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, I'm black and west african too! Because of today's society it may seem alarming, but there are still quite a lot of people who are still virgins. Just because the boys you liked didn't like you back this doesn't mean you're ugly, maybe they thought you were a nice girl but just not their type. Like you said, some men have come up to you but maybe they're not the right ones for you. Don't feel the need to lose your virginity to just anyone, maybe see someone to help you with your problem to help with your self esteem or have some therapy. I'm sure you will meet the right man and feel happy when you lose it with him. Btw, I'm 17 and if I'm still a virgin when I'm 24, I'd be really proud of myself! Good luck :) xx
2016-05-24 04:44:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel, I dont really understand the question but Im guessing you want him to know that you still have feelings for him. About the cheating, coming from a guy who has dealt with cheating (my girlfriend just gave birth to a baby boy that I am doubting is mine because she says that she also had sex with my best friend) Just decide if you love the person enough to forgive them. I am now awaiting the results of the paternity tests.
2007-02-21 11:18:18 · answer #6 · answered by Chris 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He really is not very good for you or your self esteem. If he keeps cheating on you say bye bye and I know it hurts my ex did it with me many times even after marriage my suggestion is move on even if you believe you love him. There is a much better guy around the corner for you one who loves you for who you are and won't cheat on you.
2007-02-21 11:21:55 · answer #7 · answered by ang_23el 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Separate yourself from him and give yourself time to think about the things that have happened so then you will have a clear head about what is going on and if you still need and want to be with him.
2007-02-21 11:20:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
is he prepared to change -- i mean not just mouth the words --- truly change the way he acts --- if he is prepared --- if he cares for you enough to want to change --- he can change --- i know this for a fact --- i cheated on my ex wife (no thats not why she is my ex) and i met my lady and i could not cheat on her ever --- no other lady interests me at all ---- if he is not prepared to change if being with you is not what he wants then you (for all the hurt now) would be best to leave him --- im sorry hugsss and best wishes
2007-02-21 11:20:39 · answer #9 · answered by trader1867 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give it time, i have a had time sleeping at night because of my heart ache for a girl i can't be with. eventually you'll just get over it, just embrace the feelings you have, but try to let it fade as time passes.
2007-02-21 11:20:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋