My future sister-in-law won't let us have our wedding at this one place we like because she wants to have her wedding there. She claims to have "saved" this location first and that we are copying her. Right after we got engaged, we weren't able to find anything else that fit our criteria. We asked her about it and she said it was fine for us to have it there. After we booked it and put a deposit down, she changed her mind and says she won't forgive us if we have it there. A few points to note 1) it's only a ceremony location, we are having the reception elsewhere 2) she's not engaged 3) she didn't offer any other solutions and insists this is all our fault. All this drama is causing everyone in the family a lot of stress. I'm not sure what to do. Am I wrong to think "You can't call shotgun until you see the car"?
2007-02-21 10:53:54 · 30 answers · asked by lynnieda 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
She is trying to throw a wrench into your happiness. Do not let her do it. If she were also engaged and soon to wed and she had put down money on the place, I would say that perhaps you should move but none of that is the case here. She is not about to marry anytime soon so who is to say she ever will. The idea is ridiculous. She is not gonna be fun as a sister-in-law but you shouldn't let her intimidate you or she will do it throughout the relationship.
Tell her what you told us. You like the place you already put down money and you are not going to change it now. You should also tell her that she is ruining things for her brother and since she is not getting married anytime this year there is not sane reason that you cannot use the place. For all we know the place could have burned to the ground before she gets married. That last was a bit nasty but you should show her that you have some teeth and a fully formed spine and you are not gonna knuckle under to her threats.
Frankly she should be ashamed of herself for trying to put a cloud on your day. That is what she is trying to do. Can't you just smell the jealosuy? Forget her and go on with your plans.
2007-02-21 11:05:12 · answer #1 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she's not even engaged how can she have "saved" this location in the first place. If you've already put a deposit down then don't worry about it at all.
Just a personal note...My sister, my brother and I all had our weddings in the same place (the church we grew up in) and because it's a small town the receptions were in the same place as well. All the weddings and receptions however were very different from one another and I don't think anyone compared one to another. Our guests just enjoyed them. I'm sure that when your futurre sister-in-law is in a position to be planning her wedding she will be able to turn it into a unique experience for everyone even if the venu is the same as yours.
Good luck
2007-02-21 11:12:51 · answer #2 · answered by cookie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I definitely understand the "shotgun" rule, but first let me ask you a few questions. Is your fiance younger than his sister? If so, she may be feeling like she should have been the one getting married first and she probably is feeling jealous of the two of you. Also, do you have a good relationship with her? If not, she may not like that you're marrying her brother and since she isn't happy about it, she's going to do what she can to sabotage the wedding. Is she close with her brother? If so, she may feel like she's going to lose him to you.
Now, onto the issue at hand--the reality is she WILL forgive you and she WILL get over it if you have your wedding there. It is ridiculous that she won't let you have the place because she "claimed" it years ago. Is she even dating anyone? Plus, you put down a deposit. I know from planning my own wedding that these deposits are not refundable and you will likely be out a lot of money, have to find a new place meaning a new wedding date, and a lot of headache and hassle.
You may want to consider giving her an important job--such as helping to choose flowers for the reception site, choosing the bridesmaid dresses, helping to pick out invitations or favors, or anything else like that. Maybe if she feels more involved, she won't be as upset that you "took" her place.
Have you talked to your fiance's parents about this? Maybe they can sit down with her and help her be rational about the situation. You could also try talking to her and getting at the root of the issue, which might also help her to be more rational.
The reality is that you will only get married once, so you should enjoy your wedding. If she's being cranky or a pain and is unwilling to budge (after you've tried to make it better), stop talking to her about the wedding, do what will make you happy, enjoy your wedding, and have a great time at your wedding!
Congratulations!
2007-02-21 11:08:32 · answer #3 · answered by ms. teacher ft 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is absolutely ridiculous. She is obviously immature and a drama queen. It's not up to her to "let" you have your wedding; you can have it anywhere you want. As you have put down a deposit, the place is yours.
Let her know, nicely, that you did ask in advance of putting down a deposit and she said it was fine. The decision has been made and that is where the ceremony will be held. You very much hope that she can be happy for you and her brother and want her to be at/a part of the wedding, however, you completely understand if she opts not to attend.
Once someone (nicely) stops putting up with her idiotic behavior and she sees that the show will go on without her, I have a feeling she'll change her tune pretty quickly. And if she doesn't, she has no one to blame but herself as she was the one who said it was OK in the first place. I think you were very nice to have even asked her in the first place. Good luck and Best Wishes.
2007-02-21 15:04:16 · answer #4 · answered by stseukn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate the fact that this is causing such drama, but the sister is WRONG in taking this attitude with the bride to be....... It could be yrs or so before she even gets to use the place, and that is just what it is A PLACE !!! To save it is to OWN it or put it in lay-a-way !!! How old is this sister ?? 12 ?? 16 ?? I know she has dreams of that special day, but it could be a nice dream to share with others, such as the happy couple ?? Maybe it would help to give her more to do or be in the wedding to come.. let her be the wedding coordinator ?? or brides maid gatherer ?? not a word a know, but the BRIDE could make up a special tittle for her ??? If this place is all there is for the happy couple then that is just the way it is, and she needs to be told to grow up and get on with life, and that her dream is a wonderful dream that can still come true, but now is the time for YOUR dream !!!!!! enough is enough as for as I can tell !!!!!!!!!! congrats and God bless
2007-02-21 11:17:21 · answer #5 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh boy! I am sure that this is not the first time that she has performed in such an ugly manner. My advice to you is to take a closer look at the man you are marrying. How does he respond to her when he is in her presence? How does he act around you in her presence? How does he act towards her in your presence? Does she seem to speak for him? Does he treat her as if she were his mother? Does he treat her with kid gloves on as if she were some Prema Donna? Does he support her financially even if it is minimal? Is she older? If she is she might feel that she should be the first to marry. Has she ever had a male friend who affectionately thought about her? She sounds jealous. Are you marrying this man with the hope of changing him later? Are you ignoring any warning signs that may later cause you grief? If you have truthfully answered all of these questions and you still want to marry this man then with your family's blessing and emotional support and that of his family, then I say stick to your plan and enjoy your wedding and reception where you want it, and if she can't get her act together then the both of you should politely let her know that she will not be welcome to participate in your joyous occassion. After all, she is not the one getting married. Next she's going to want to decorate your home and name the baby and make all of your family decisions. Nip it in the bud now or you will rue the day you married him.
2007-02-21 12:55:07 · answer #6 · answered by DARMADAKO 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I haven't heard this said yet....but I think I would help fuel the drama around this subject...yes you heard me right. The reason is simple---your sister in law likes drama and if you put out this fire, she will start another, maybe a bigger one. You've got your deposit. Leave that be. Continue your plans "all systems go". But whenever you see her or anyone in her circle of greed SPIN....that's right...have a grand time asking for info and suggestions for alternate locations....keep right on looking for a new venue...even let her go to a few for you (lol). If that sounds ridiculous, trust me, you are going to have to find something for her to to make into a three-ring circus.....on your wedding day HER mom, HER brother and YOUR attendants will keep a lid on her.....so until then.... let her spin.... Who knows, if you let her run her course she may even come to you and tell you you can have the place already. I don't agree with the suggestions about getting her involved....unless there are details that make no difference.... I am a parent and my best friend once told me to make a few rules I don't care about just for practice.....I would say that same principle applies here. So whether its the garters, the cake the aisle runner....whatever detail that won't mess with your BIG FIVE (every bride IMO needs a list of her 5 most imp priorities just to stay sane) act like you care....hell, actually start to care because you love your husband and you are about to marry into this family.... but keep her busy...she's a loaded cannon.... Keep YOUR hall and your date...she can find out that you didn't change your plans in the invitation...or as they get mailed, like everyone else..... Good Luck and God Bless....
PS...remember she is his sister...he can help you with this...and I dont mean any of the above suggestions in a mean spirit...I mean it to help you take off the pressure and use your sense of humor...people show us who they are and we expect them to act differently...her way of dealing with the changes is to stick her nose in and cause chaos (control)......
2007-02-21 12:55:13 · answer #7 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i am sorry she is being very silly about this if she is not getting married then how does she know for sure she will get married there first off i all ways thought i would get married in a big church and had all kinds of plans and guess what when i met mister right we ran off and did it in a office in our town on a Thursday stuff happens so for her to lay claim to a place is ridiculous that being said she can not go back on it once she said it was OK and you guys caring about her feelings asked her for the OK and she gave it and its very selfish of her now to go back after you paid the deposit! what needs to happen is her brother needs to tell her to grow up and stop trying to ruin your guys day and that he and you when its her turn do not plan on looking over every part of her wedding to see if any part of it would be a copy of something you guys did when her time comes you plan on sharing information with her to help make this time a happy one and would wish she would do the same for you guys and that many family's get married at the same place such as a church that's in the family or at the same place they hold their reception like if there parents are a member of a club so does she think people will talk when its her turn if she gets married at the same place? she is not being fair to you or her brother and is only thinking of her self and its sad!
2007-02-21 11:11:42 · answer #8 · answered by peterpansdate 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow - what a drama queen she is. Not to mention a total b*tch! She's not even engaged ffs. lol. How insane is this girly? Don't even pay her any attention. You can't call dibs on the friggen place, lol. Not her property. You're already made the deposit and everything, don't give up what you want!!! I may be a lil forgiving of her if she were engaged and had already booked there and you were doing the exact same thing, but that's not the case at all. Tell her off, and have an awesome day!!! :D:D:D:D
2007-02-21 11:00:58 · answer #9 · answered by Kass 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
How awful for you to have this sort of rubbish happening. I would ask your fiance to speak to the girl and tell her she is being a brat, I could understand if already had the place booked and paid for and you swooped in and got married the day before her, but she is not even engaged!!! It could be a year or more before she gets married, so it's not like everyone will be comparing things. As you said it's just your service taking place there, she is way over reacting, stupid selfish girl!!
2007-02-22 01:43:26 · answer #10 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋