okay my husband recently found out he had a son and the mother has someone in her life and also has another child by this person. we have kinda been involved with the son a lil bit. the son is 5 years old and, and she is saying she doesnt want to tell the lil boy that my husband is the father till hes like 7 or so. i dont think this is a good idea and my husband isnt too happy about it either, he feels the longer the lil boy will think the other guys is his father. and she is trying to only let my husband see him 3 times a month, i dont think thats enough.
2007-02-21 10:52:37 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Forget that its up to your husband not that biotch of a mom. Tell him to tell his son when he feels like it and she can suck it.
2007-02-21 10:55:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The very important thing you are forgetting here is the CHILD. If the child is in a very solid homelife, let the child adjust to the two of you first. This can cause a child to have life long problems. This is not about your husband or her. Sorry to say... but this all about the child. Let the Mother and Father discuss this with you and the stepdad in the room. Don't create a traumatic and dramatic change simply becuase you think you have an edge in this case... this is about the CHILD. The mother is protecting the child... that's what mothers are for. Mother's instict is very powerful. If the mother feels that her child is not ready, respect that. All things will fall in it's rightful place at the right time...
2007-02-21 19:32:25 · answer #2 · answered by Dadsy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first priority is the childs feelings, state of mind, security and such forth..... Taking the time to get to know the child before telling him just who Dad is , is a GOOD thing... it gives the child time to adjust and get to know your husband, and lets the child be incontrol just a little..... I KNOW how you feel, but the bottom line is the child NOT the adults..... I suggest that you let it alone for a few months, then maybe increase the time together by asking Mom if the son can stay over night, once the little one learns to TRUST the 2 of you...... Why put a little boy in the middle of such a stressful and emotional thing if it can be avoided in some way...... I also suggest that the 4 adults sit down and plan out a strategy and time line and any mental solutions for this child..... God bless
2007-02-21 19:01:24 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since your husband never gave up parental rights and paternity was determined, the mother has no legal right to keep his son from him. End of story. Now, if it's going to be a custody thing, like, your husband wanting to see him for the weekends, then you'll have to go to court. You may support him in whatever way you want, but do not interfere. I know this is an instinct, but doing so may very well jeopardize your husband's chance of getting to see his son by causing an irreparable rift between him and the mother.
2007-02-21 19:13:12 · answer #4 · answered by Meredith 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you and your husband want to be a part of this child's life, don't let anyone adulterate the truth. Standing up for yourself is the same as standing up for the child. If necessary a paternity test is all that is needed to insure your husband gets his rights. He will have to pay child support, which is as it should be, but he would have the knowledge that his son is well taken care of, and knows he has a father who loves him, which is absolutely priceless!
2007-02-21 19:11:51 · answer #5 · answered by Jann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the mother and father of this boy need to sit down and discuss what is best for the boy and not best or easiest for them. In my opinion the boy deserves to know who his father is. If you don't tell him until later he will think that you all lied to him! I also believe that the father deserves to spend more time with his son. The most important thing though is that everyone does what is right for this precious child!
2007-02-21 19:23:30 · answer #6 · answered by princess45cassie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a reason that this woman is just now telling him that he is the father and you should take a DNA test if one has not already been done. No matter the age of the child he deserves to know who the biological father is. He should get the child every other weekend or anytime for that matter as long as it is his son and they both agree
2007-02-21 18:58:10 · answer #7 · answered by Charlie H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is your husband paying child support? If he is, then he has every right to have visitation rights. Now if he is not paying child support, not the mother can call the shots. One thing, any money, that he gives the mother, make sure that you give it to her, in a check, or money order! And if he buys, the child anything, keep the receipts. Now he should get a DNA test, to make sure that the child is his son, then, and only then he can call the shots!
2007-02-21 19:31:41 · answer #8 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I think that is not the best thing for your husband. But you have to think in what is best for the child. If he is thinking the stepfather is his real father, the mother might know the best way to let him know the truth, is a hard thing to do, don't make it harder pushing her to do something she is not ready to do.
This is not about who is wrong and who is right. If you see the problem through the mother's side you might understand why she wants to wait ask your husband to speak with her and let them get to and agreement that the both of them will respect.
2007-02-21 19:21:21 · answer #9 · answered by analee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not enough. How dare her deprive her son from the father that wants an active part in his life. He must know right now, this is the time in his life where close bonds form.
If she keeps him from his father, it's time to go to court. Get an attorney involved. His son needs him and it's all worth the fight!
Tell the Mom that his son is obviously going to form a bond with the stepfather. There's nothing wrong with that. Reasure her that it's not your goal to steal away all his love from her and her current significant other.
2007-02-21 19:04:09 · answer #10 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would have your husband go to court and file a motion for visitation rights. In our state it's only about $25 to file a motion. It can be heard in front of a judge without a lawyer. She is wrong not to tell him the truth. He is old enough to know in simple terms that your husband is his real father. The older he gets the more resentful he will be when he is told the truth...and most likely since he lives with his mom, his resentment will be towards her. Hope everything works out good....
2007-02-21 18:58:35 · answer #11 · answered by sassy_395 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋