What should a mother do when her Adult daughter is about to make the biggest mistake of her life?

Question

My daughter is 25 years old and has kids of her own. She has been married twice. The first time lasted for about a year and from what she says was pure Hell. She admitted to me later that he used to beat her. The second one she has been with for about 6 years and been married to him for 5 and I believe she's about to go back to the first one. The kids are confused and I feel defenseless, I know she's an adult and has the right to live her life as she sees fit, but the kids are suffering because of the confusion and I know that she will eventually suffer too. He has just gotten out of prison(which he was in for 3 years) for about a year and was in there for his involvement with drugs. She hasn't seen him in 6 years, how can she possibly think about going back to him. Myself and my family has spent alot of money helping her get away from him the first time, and I just don't know how she could do this to her kids and hurt me this way, when I have been her biggest supporter:(

Answer 1

oooh. Well what can you do? She's going to make her own decisions, but you might be able to help your grandchildren. If she does go back to him try not to get in the middle of them. She'll just push you away and that'd be awful.
Support her, try to advise her but let her know you'll always be there for her. Spend plenty of time with the grandkids. Kids are so honest they'll let you know how things are when you're not around.
If he does abuse her or them ever again you would be able to get custody of your grandchildren. Just don't let her go. That will leave you in the dark and your daughter very distressed.
You might want to try help patch up her second marriage first. Let them go away for a weekend, you watch the kids?

Answer 2

At some point in every mom's life the cord has to be cut. This is that point in time for you. You helped your daughter, you bailed her out before and that didn't really teach her a thing did it?

Your daughter is reaping what you sewed, you helped her with love, you came to her aid when she needed you badly. You should not have done this. Sometimes,most times, it is best to fall on your face and get terribly hurt very young.

That having been said. Keep the lines of communication open and keep an eye on the kids. If there is anything amiss, at all, you call in CPS pronto.

Answer 3

If you think that this will be the biggest mistake your daughter is going to commit, then definitely you should be at her side.Advice her,make her listen.Convince her that in the past,her marriage didn't work out that obviously she needs outside help and that she just resorted to drugs and it didn't turned out well.Tell her that it's different now because she has you.

Maybe you can accomodate her and the children in your house for the mean time.If she's insisting to live with her husband and in your judgment it'll be not good for her then maybe you can let them undergo marriage counselling.God bless!

Answer 4

All I can say is that you must let her do her own mistakes, its the only way she will learn. What really is disturbing here is how the kids are feeling- if they aren't small talk to them- or simply file a complaint and ask for the kids.

Answer 5

Your mom is on no account up for the call of mom of the year. She lost it and while some human beings lose their temper, they cuss like sailors at every physique and rather everybody around them. She quite has a quick fuse and an average temper. I quite understand your thoughts in the direction of her. you've gotten a solid severe communicate together with her and clarify that if she disrespects you anymore with the call calling and filthy language, she will now no longer be welcome on your place and no volume of apologizing will restoration issues. If all she does is create a impressive style of stress on your existence, it must be superb to no longer handle her anymore. some father and mom could be poisonous to their little ones and you're able to stay removed from them or a minimum of distance your self as much as available from them. in case you quite care approximately her and prefer to artwork issues out, you should aim going to counseling mutually if the two one among you're prepared. you should require that of her if she desires to stay an element of your existence. She could additionally be prepared to pay attention and alter her habit. in case you think of it rather is a lost reason, then residing existence with out her in it must be your superb determination.

Answer 6

The only thing you can do without making her resent you is be there for her and support her. You can tell her how you feel, but ultimately, it is her decision. Do not threaten to take custody of the children. But instead, you can offer for them to stay with you if they all want.

Answer 7

just get the kids away from her..... with you...... I know
thats alot..... but you'll feel better taking care of the kids...
knowing there being cared for.... and the way you
described it -I believe she would give you custody........
if not you be the best grandmother and take control of
the situation....put your foot down to her... once and for all.... it will be hard to do.... but you about have too..

Answer 8

do not financially support her in any way. As a last resort tell her you will take her to court to get custody of the kids if she is going to take them into a "violent household".
Most of all though, you still need to be there for your daughter unless you want to lose her completely.

Answer 9

it's true that it is her life not yours although it is hard at the same time to see her like that. but then again...life is about to learn how to live. she needs to learn from her own mistake to be a better person in the future. it is tough but you can only be her supporte and be there when she needed you. the only thing that you could is that if her going back to him somehow put your grandchildren in danger then you need to act to save them but for her...let her learn her life.

Answer 10

YOU SHOULD GET CUSTODY OF THE KIDS CAUSE BRINGING THEM INTO A BAD HOME WILL CAUSE THEM TO HAVE A BAD CHILD HOOD AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE , BUT FIRST REASON WITH TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL FROM YOUR HEART IF THAT DON'T WORK YOU HAVE OTHER OPTIONS BUT BE THERE FOR HER.