college parties is ruining our relationship?

Question

My teenage daughter in college gets all defensive about going to college parties and 2 and 3 day trips out of the area. She claims she is not partying and drinking. I am worried because of her defensive behavior when I ask her about this. Her brother got into trouble from the same things and use to sound the same. Is she hiding something or should I let her do whatever she wants like she says she wants. I pay all the college bills, car insurance, car and expense money. Am I to protective or should I let her do whatever she wants? It si very difficult for me being a single parent and also having another girl on her way to college in the fall. Help what should I do?

Answer 1

If she had a record of lying to you in the past, then I would be suspicious, but if she was always trustworthy, then she probably still is.

She is not her brother and maybe she is just defensive because you are accusing her of things she hasn't done.

Answer 2

You can do what my parents did: cut off all financial support. Now, I never have gone to crazy parties, nor have I consumed so much alcohol that I became drunk repeatedly. However, it helped to keep me in line and down the right path because I wanted to go to school and I would do anything to be there, even if that means paying for it myself. Now, there is something I've noticed about parents and parenting. Those parents who aren't stern and unrelenting with their children are the ones with the problem children. Don't get me wrong: you're child is just probably tired of hearing how you don't want her to become like her brother, etc..., but it it'll probably help if you be stern, even in college. Cut off all her money, then she'll be too busy to drink because of her job. Talk to your other daughter, tell her you'll do the same and MEAN IT. college may be a time for drunken partying. But it's never a time to get in trouble and become and alchie.

Answer 3

Your daughter is over 18 which makes her an adult. As I said on the other post, I don't know your daughter so I have no idea what she is doing in college. As a parent who is paying for everything the only thing you can do to get her attention would be to stop supporting her, stop paying for her education, and the rest of the bills.

Answer 4

Usually when kids go to college and party they're either too repressed or not disciplined enough at home while younger. In either case, it's too late to try to change her now... Work on your younger daughter while you have the chance. Make sure she has a set of rules to follow, with consequences that match the crime. Also make sure that she knows she can come to you when she has a problem, so she won't feel she has to hide her mistakes from you. And have your older one get a job (waitressing, at Starbuck's) on weekends and one or two nights a week to pay for clothes, gasoline, insurance, partying, and so on. Get her on the meal plan at her school, and make her pay for everything else. That will make her realize what life costs, and she won't be able to take advantage of you. Plus, she'll be too busy studying and working to party anymore. When folks say they can't work and study cuz they don't have time, what they're really doing is finding ways to get out of being an adult. I worked 32-45 hrs a week and went to school full-time (at least 15 cr per semester), and graduated with a GPA of 3.2, a semester early-- all while suffering from severe depression. Yeah it was stressful, but so is the real world. Trust me, it is feasable. Make her learn to earn her fun. She'll thank you for it later. When she finishes college and gets a real job, she'll be a more mature, and more productive worker. My hubby and I both have worked with folks fresh out of college, who've never worked a day in their lives, and hated every minute of it.

Answer 5

If you pay her bills you have right to ask her about these things.

Her behaviour could be dangerous. Look at that missing girl in Aruba.

The very least she can do is agree to always call you and let you know where she will be and who she will be with in case something happens.

People never think it will happen to them. She could leave a party with the wrong person and you would never know..

This happend to two girls at Cal Poly in California. Other college students could not remember who gave girls ride home from party They just disappeared forever.

Answer 6

i am that college kid gone wild...10 years later...if i had a kid, i would keep them under such a leash they'd probably try to kill me...but i am sorry to say your daughter is more than likely using drugs and alcohol...going out for 2 or 3 days at a time?!!!...my god is she majoring in partying...

you pay the bills you make the decisions...if i were u, i would go get a hair from her pillow and drug test it...you have the right to know what your daughter is up to...and your her only hope...her friends dont care cause they are all probably birds of the same feather...

do something and do it now..before she comes home burnt out and pregnant...

Answer 7

If she isn't living up to her potential or your expectations, then you need to lay down the rules... at her age she is an adult for intents and purposes.. but you are still footing the bill... let her know if she doesn't stop the partying that you will no longer provide her with any money, the car would be gone etc... it's called tough love and it works.

Answer 8

Slick,
That is a tough one. If she has deserves your trust give have some slack on the rope. If she doesn't deserve your trust pull the rope in and take away some privileges. Make sure she absolutely does not drink and drive or be in a vehicle with a person who has been drinking. It only takes one time.

Answer 9

-if she is taking these trips and you don't approve, tell her to get a job so that she can pay for them
- give her a little responsibility = less time doing things that you may think she is doing.

Answer 10

She's in college, of course she's hiding stuff from you. That's what college if for