i am bored?

Question

can someone please make me laugh cuz i am bored got nuttin 2 do please?

Answer 1

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.

"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
_______________________________________________

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.
So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.

Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''

And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''

Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''

Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''

Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''

HEHE! I thought these were funny!

Answer 2

ok so these might be kinda stupid..but theyre what ive got

-Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbled across a
monastery and requests shelter there.

Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was
treated to the best fish and chips she had ever
tasted.

After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the
chefs. She was met by two of the Brothers.

The first one says, "Hello, I am brother Michael,
and this is Brother Charles."

"I'm very pleased to meet you," replies the nun. "I
just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The
fish and chips were the best I've ever had. Out of
curiosity, who cooked what?"

Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."

She turned to the other Brother and says
"then you must be....?"

"Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk."



-Almost 150 yrs. ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to
hire a private investigator - Mr. Alan Pinkerton. He was
actually the beginning of the Secret Service.

Since that time the federal police authority has grown to a
large number of three-letter agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS,
DEA, BATF, SS, ATF, etc. Now comes a proposal for another
agency: The "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security
Service."

Can't you see it now, the new service in their black outfits
with their initials in large white letters across their backs?
‘FATASS’.

Answer 3

http://eavesdroppersblog.blogspot.com
for some good overheard things...very entertaining.