How do you explain to your daughter that the cat is dead?, and someone ran over it in the street?

Question

It was beloved to her, so i cant even think about replacing it, is that solution?

I have so far told her that its ran away.

But i cant lie.


And she wants one exactly like it, which makes it difficult as that one was a ginger special, and i am having difficulty finding one like it.

My daughter is 4 years old.


Wife says get a parrot instead i dont think that would go down to well with my daughter though!

Pls advice

Answer 1

the truth is the best. she will understand. she will be very sad, but it is one of life's lessons. don't try to replace the pet right away, wait a bit to get over the shock.
if you have a 4 year old perhaps another cat would be better than a parrot. they are noisy, require lots of attention, and can be a bit expensive to keep. lots of them don't take well to children and can bite really really bad! if your wife wants a parrot wait until your daughter is a bit older.

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your loss. I really think it's better to tell her the truth; the cat has passed away. I don't think I would get into the details about the poor thing getting run over. Everyone learns about death at some point as a child, so now may be the time to discuss this subject with your daughter.

I personally wouldn't try to get another cat that looks just like the cat that passed away. I think that would only make the situation worse and it would seem to her like you are just trying to replace her cat. Wait until your daughter is ready, then go up to the animal shelter and let her pick out a cat to adopt. I like to think that adopting another cat when the time is right is actually saving another life.

Answer 3

My parents didn't hide any kind death from us and I didn't with my kids either. We are all stable individuals when it comes to death.

Although, at your daughter's age, I probably wouldn't give her all the details, though. If she thinks it ran away, she may think it didn't like her or your home and it may result in her feeling guilty and that it was her fault.

I don't think it will matter whether she has the same kind of cat or not. Let her know you are NOT replacing her beloved cat, but that you are giving her another cat to love that WILL have a different personality and WILL act different. It will play different tricks and do funny things.

Let her know that she can love it just as much and it can love her back and that it's okay to always have loving, sweet memories of her first cat and that can never die.

We've lost many cats because we have had many years worth of cats. It hurts but we still have the happy memories. And we get on with learning and loving the new cats.

I don't think a parrot would give the same comfort but that's my opinion.

Answer 4

It is brilliant that a parent can be so sensitive over such an issue! I think the plan of action needs to be :

-- let your daughter know that her little friend has died and gone to heaven to a lovely afterlife in lovely sunny fields and loads of things to chase ahave fun with. The fact of death is a very basic fact of life and the sooner she understands that life is finite, the better. You cannot put everything in cotton wool, even at four years of age.
.... tell her that the cat's final wish is that she has another perfect fellow puss to love and cherish and that messages will come from heaven when and where you can find the chosen one ... you can simply blend that story into going out and finding one.
..... If it is too late to bury the cat in the garden ( mine got buried with flowers, leaves, petals, a favourite toy ..... ), then simply erect a little plaque in loving memory and tell the little girl that the cat will always be there in spirit to watch over her as it continues to love her very much
....... enjoy the new cat with vigour! That new life will fill your daughter with joy again ..... life is simply too short not to do this.
...... Parrots are fine but somehow don't have that magic uniqueness that cats have! Anyway, would you want a parrot curling up on the bed?

All the best ...

Answer 5

You might just leave the part out about it being run over in the street. A young child might be overwhelmed by this kind of information. You can just use this as an opportunity to explain about death. You can't hide it forever and this is a good opportunity to explain to your daughter that death means that the body of the cat stops but that he is still around every time you think about him even though you can't see him. Or, whatever you want to say. If she asks why it stops, just say it was a very old cat (she probably doesnt really understand the concept of age yet) and that when cats get real old, their bodies stop. Someday when you are ready, you ought to take your daughter to a shelter. She will find a cat there that she loves and it won't matter that its not a ginger special. She'll love that one just as much.

Answer 6

I asm so very sorry about your daughters kitty. Do tell her the truth. I'd pass on the gory details but say that sometimes unfortunate things like that happen. That kitty is in kitty heaven now and watching over her. Also assure her that kitty would want her to have another kitty from the shelter and that she is actually helping one of the kitties that hers is a gaurdian angel for.
My Grandparents were going to adopt my sisters cat when she was moving to London. Little did we know that he was sick & passed away Christmas morning. When we finally found out what was wrong with him turns out poor willow was in emense pain. When grandpa didn't get willow with my moms help he fouind MR handsome a seniopr citizen Maine coon who was in a rescue && nobody wanted a 10 year old to start with. Grandpa did. Mr handsome is now spoiled sassy and the apple of grandpas eye. Keeps him really good company since Granny died. I'm certain willow knew what a good home he had and would've had and gave Mr Hansome the chance to have some of that love by guiding Mom to finding him.

Answer 7

just had the same problem 3 weeks ago. My 8 month old cat went out as normal and never returned. Found out last week that she was knocked over and a lady around the corner had found her and buried her and did not see all the notices i had up. I told my little boy after 2 days of not returning that she had met a boyfriend and moved in with him cause she loved him very much. I also told him that they had their own house. I know it sound daft putting it like that but he, like your little girl is only 3. Once i told him he was happy for her but at the same time sad. He has asked for a new cat that doesn't like having boyfriends and that what we are going to fo. Hope this helps. It's awful losing a pet at the best of times, but Even worse when you have a small child who wants to know it's whereabouts. Good Luck

Answer 8

You have to tell your daughter the truth. She has to learn what death is eventually and that it is indeed a natural part of life no matter how sad and heartbreaking. I mean this unfortunately won't be the first time she will lose something or someone she loves.

As for replacing it, I would take her down to the local shelter if she expresses interest in another cat. I would explain to her that there is not another cat like the one she lost because even though they may look alike they are all different. I am sure she will see another if you take her to look at them she will definitely fall in love with.

Good luck and sorry for your loss.

Answer 9

Just be very direct and tell her that Kitty is not coming home because you've found out that she died. Only offer as much information that she needs. Tell her you'll all miss kitty very much. It's a good time to start teaching her about life and death. Kids are smarter than you think. Please don't lie to her. When she is ready-offer to get her a new kitty and let her choose it. It doesn't have to be exactly like the other kitty....it cannot be replaced. If daughter chooses from a litter it will be special to her too. Frame a picture of your dead kitty so she can have it on her dresser or shelf so she can look at it when she needs to.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It is indeed difficult to loose our little furbabies.

Answer 10

Kids are smarter than you think. Lying won't work because you child will recall this event when they are older and wonder why you lied. I agree, it is a good opportunity to speak about death as a journey that all will take at some point. Kids will eventually grasp the finality of death just as we all do. No need to go into details of how it happened. Replacing the animal will not work because when she is older and a family member dies-how will you then explain why people can't be replaced like animals?

Be honest.