Am I being a bad mom for sometimes wishing I was single with no kids?

Question

I'm only 21 and sometimes I wish I had more freedom to just do what I want to do and not have to worry about anyone.

Answer 1

I am quite a bit older than you are and have a young son. Prior to that, I was single all of my life and free to do whatever I wanted. It is even harder for you because you have not had much of an adult life prior to having your child. Unlike myself, who has been able to go out and experience many things.

You are not a bad mom for wishing you were single, it is a very natural thought at times. Those responders who said otherwise CLEARLY do not have children. Raising a child is very hard and quite challenging. Especially at your age it is a huge life-change. Not to mention expensive, time consuming, scary, etc.

I love my son more than anythin in the world and feel so blessed to have had him. However, there have been a few fleeting moments when I wished I were single. Maybe when my friends can go do things that I can't because I can't afford it, or have no babysitter, or my son is sick, etc. It is only normal to feel that way.

Do not beat yourself up about it. Most moms (if they are being honest) will agree. Hang in there, it gets better. My son has taught me more about love and about life than anything ever could. Your child will too.

Answer 2

For people as young as you, they seem to think that a lot. However, I don't exactly think that makes you a bad mom. What would make you a bad mom is if you just treat your child like dirt, because of the things you did.

I'm 20, and I know I am not ready to have a child on my own. Therefore, I'm not having sex (and if for some reason I do - I'll use protection), because I know the consequences of having sex. So many people just want to have fun.... End up with a kid... Then decide they don't want it. So they abuse the child in so many ways..

All I can say is if you truly love your child, reguardless. You only wish you were single with no kids for a split second, then it doesn't make you a bad mom.

Answer 3

Everyone wishes they could live a part of their lives again...it's totally normal. Parents want to feel the freedom of being single and childless sometimes....married couples wish they were still playing the feild sometimes....shoot! even kids wish they were never born sometimes! Didn't you get that feeliing the first time your parents grounded you for life? The point is, as long as those feelings don't over power you or affect your family life, you should be fine. When youre child comes home one day with a fist full of weeds that they picked for you, you'll be more than happy with your present life.

Answer 4

No I had my son at 21, Im 25 now and sometiems I wish that too...
But sometimes I also wish I had another child. :P

Its ok and normal, you enjoyed some of the things you did before and miss doing them. As your child gets older it will be easier to go out and do things more, but you made the choice to have a child. There are always other options and you decided to have a child, no going back now. I'm sure you have many joys in your life from your child also though so just remember that during the hard times.

Answer 5

Honestly hon, I went through the same thing. I was 21 when my first was born and I was a single mom for the first 18 months of her life. If I hadn't had my mom there to help me out, I probably would have gone nutty. Wish you all the best of luck. When you get down and start wishing that you didn't have a baby think about this, one day your baby will look at you and say "I love you, Mommy!" That, my friend, is the best medicine for any parent.

Answer 6

i know how you feel. when i was 21 i had 3 children. i was constantly tired, confused, wondering if we were going to have enough money to pay all the bills. i had to walk the kids with a buggie and a wagon to the Laundromat to do the laundry. the list was endless....
and of course dad thought he only had to go to work, hey, i worked too. but, not once did he ever clean the house, cook a meal, do the laundry... anyway, I'm sure you get it.
now, i'm an old lady, my kids are all grown and SOMETIMES I STILL FEEL THE SAME WAY.
but, you know what, at the end of the day, when it is all quiet and you think back over the day and over the years, i really wouldn't have changed anything. sometimes having a bit of a hard life makes us appreciate it all the more.
enjoy your kids, even if you find them to be a pain in the behind and smile at them when you tuck them in at night. then go to bed and fantize what you would do if you had another life. then get up in the morning and make the kids oatmeal and start all over.
it worked for me.

Answer 7

Maybe you and others are the exception. But it really depends on the enviroment. If you grow up in the hood and everyday you see drugs, prostitution, murder etc. then im sure that would feel like how life is suppose to be or at least how it is accepted. Childhood is the most important part of life for people, if as a single mother you try your hardest to raise you child to have self identity, self respect, and respect for others then im sure it will turn out fine. But if a child is doing bad things and blaming the short comings of their life for their actions then there is a problem. I agree with you and taking responsibility for ones own action. Everyone has the choice to change........

Answer 8

NO, absolutely not! Your feelings are natural. I married at 19, had my first child at 20, 2nd at 22 and last at 27...by age 27 I was finally 'ready'...;-)

Although now I am happy I was so young, in that I had fun right along with them when they were youngsters, and now I am still young enough to enjoy them as adults and not be 'old'...it was difficult. The responsibiities of raising children are enormous and your life changes overnight. Gone are the carefree days and nights...yet, we don't see that when we decide to have kids young.

At least many here are telling you that it is normal and has nothing to do with being a good mom - no one told me that when I was young and I lived with enormous guilt and felt something was wrong with me...[turned out much later in life that MANY women then 'fessed up to feeling the same way]

Suggestions: set aside two days a month JUST FOR YOU...get a baby sitter - go to the movies; go get a manicure; visit a girlfriend....read a book........something that gets you out of the house and your daily routine. When you return home you'll be re-energized and ready to cope again.

Answer 9

No, you are not being a bad mom. It's perfectly natural for everyone to want what they cannot have, or wish they were in a different situation. It's especially hard when it feels like everyone around you is getting what they want out of life. Try finding things that you can do so you can enjoy life. Sports, clubs... that kind of thing.Try incorporating some aspects of the life you want into your current life. (Try and get a babysitter! Go have some fun!) If it feels like you are getting depressed, see your doctor about it.

Answer 10

I don't believe their isn't one mother on the face of the planet that at some point hasn't thought back to what her life was like before she had kids and realized that it was alot simpler then, but I can also say that not one of those moms would EVER give up her child just to go out and have fun like they did pre-babies.

Sometimes I miss alone and quiet time, but then I look at my sweet little boy and i wouldn't change my life for anything in this world.