Who has had to put a parent into a nursing facility?

Question

My mother in law was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year, and has been living with my husband and me since then. To say that it is a trial everyday is speaking lightly... my husband can't handle the stress of it any longer and has decided that it is time to place her in a home that can provide the care that we just can't ...physically and medically any more. How do you get over the guilt? We have tried to talk about it, but it's hard. I just want to make sure we are making the right decision. Tell me about your own experience and maybe that will help me deal with ours. Peace.

Answer 1

June 1997, my father had to be placed in a nursing home. I didn't realize how much my Mother was having to do for him. He had to be fed, bathed and lasted 3 months, he had emphysemia.

Sept. 1997, my first granddaughter was born.

Oct. 1997 My daughter had major gall bladder surgery, I took care of the baby.

October 1997 I flew to Iowa and brought my Mother in law (one of three sisters with late stage Alzheimers.) back to our home. She only slept 3 hours a night for the next 18 months she was with us. She was good in many ways. Hard of hearing, quiet, ate well, continant, dressed and cared for herself. But that did not make it less stressful.

Nov. 1997 My Mom came to live with us and the Mother in law.
My mother was under the care of Hospice, she had congestive heart failure.

The next year went amazingly well, the Mother in law really liked my mom. It was tough trying to keep a parttime job and take care of my daughter after surgery and the baby and Mom and my Mother in law.

I UNDERSTAND STRESS BETTER THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE.

The following July we went to Iowa to auction off her house and possessions. My Mom caught a cold, pneumonia, broncitis and was nearly dead when we got home in 10 days. I was an only daughter so my mom and I were best friends. I fell into an abyss that I thought I would never come out of.

We then realized that I was not in good enough shape to take care of Ronnie my MOL. So I searched for a really EXCELLENT nursing home AND IT ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE AN ALZHEIMERS LOCKED UNIT. Here they receive concentrated care. Because alzheimers patients can make elderly NORMAL people crazy.

Please accept that you cannot control what life has brought to your Mother in law. Just search for the very best place you can find. I must have gone to 10, to find one with the seperate unit.
Close enough to visit her 2 or 3 days a week. I would sometimes have dinner with her or take her to Mcdonalds, she loved burgers and fries.

Guilt and stress will make you sick. You did not make your MOL sick, her family history did it. You have done your best, now it is time to get yourself emotionally healthy again. You can do it.
You will feel like a truck has been lifted off your shoulders.
Then you can visit her and take her out occassionally.

God bless you for doing your best. That is all God expects.

Answer 2

My first experience was with my mom. A tough decision, but a good one. There she had around the clock attention and relieved the burden on us. She has since passed away.

Then was brother #1. His wife and 4 kids were a wreck. He needed the attention he couldn't get at home. He passed away the 10th of this month. He was just 55.

Brother #2 is now in the VA hospital waiting for admission into a home.

All have Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease that affects everyone involved. unfortunately they can only slow it down. There is no cure and no coming back. You must make things as comfortable as possible for the time they have left. A home can recognize pain and problems that you may not see. The workers at the home have experience and from what I have seen, take patients in as part of a large family. Believe me when I say it is a win win situation. you can visit as often as you like, but you can go home and be assured they are in good hands and you don't need to worry about them.

Take care.

Answer 3

Please don't go by what others do, do what is right for your mom. If she were capable of understanding, would she even want to be such a burden to you? Of course not.

The fact is, you cannot care for her anymore, and even though you may want to, she needs professional help you can't provide. Don't feel guilty, do things to help make her transition better. Visit her often, bring her memento's from home, put up art in her room (it's said that the great masterpieces of art help alzheimer's patients in an almost miraculous way, so get a good copy of a few).

So please just push the guilt aside, I know you want to do what is best not just for her, but for your family as well. If this is the best decision, then stick with it and the guilt will pass once you see what a good choice you made :)

Answer 4

Sounds to me you should take subject with the damaged hip causation. If the power that your dad is in is discovered negligent, by using q4, it ought to help you're taking care of him on the monetary element. it really is a terrible portion of ought to guage putting your dad in a nursing facility, extraordinarily in case you adult men were close. My dad and that i have been close and this decision became pondered over many circumstances. I virtually wanted he turned right into a deadbeat dad or an alcoholic, then the decision would were ordinary, yet he wasn't. We were blessed to have him see you later as we did. see you later as you could look decrease back, at the same time as he's ultimately lengthy gone, and not at all sense sorry about the decision you've made, then you would have made the right one. Too undesirable you should go by it to charm to close in case you've made the right decision yet you and your dad would locate a clean relationship element.

Answer 5

We did not feel guilty to put our mother's in a nursing home. In fact. we felt relief. We knew they were going to be safe and well taken care of, and that was the best decision we could make for them. We felt bad about it, yes, but we knew none of us could provide the care they needed.
My mother-in-law kept overdosing on her meds, and refused to have me or anyone else control her meds. She kept falling and one day I found her in a dehydrated state and had to call the ambulance. The doctor ordered her to be put into a nursing home. She was 87 yrs. old living by herself then. She passed away at the age of 89.

My own mother, we had a family conference call, made my sister her legal guardian, and when the time came, we all discussed the issue, and felt it was the best for Mom. She was almost 97 yr's old living by herself. She was almost 100 years old when she passed away.
They are very delicate at that age, and must be cared for in a very gentle manner. The nurses are trained how to handle these old people and where our mothers were, they were wonderful to both of them
May you make your decision wisely, and mostly for your mother's best intentions. God Bless.