i can't believe how hurt i feel over this guy i work with. he had spent so much time flirting with me, calling me up at night, etc. i really thought he was interested. I thought he was shy so i told him i would go do something fun with him if he wanted. The next day, the phone calls stopped. He started behaving erratically towards me, sometimes very friendly, sometimes cold, sometimes taking photos of me w/his phone sometimes sending sexual jokes. It's at the point where this has all really hurt me and I'm trying to move on. But i feel awful. I feel like a loser nobody will ever be interested in, someone who people only play games with. I don't even want to be friendly towards him bc it hurts me but he sits right next to me. How am I going to get over this? I am really in pain over it all. Please please say something that might help. I am 36 female, never had a steady boyfriend but people say i am attractive but intimidating. I feel like a freak for never having had a boyfriend.
2007-02-21 08:39:11 · 17 answers · asked by Jebbie 7 in Health ➔ Mental Health
i am already under a dr's care for the depression, etc.
2007-02-21 08:45:50 · update #1
he didn't know about these problems of mine, and most people who know me can't tell..
2007-02-21 08:46:34 · update #2
Jebbie,
It is difficult to answer your question sensitively without knowing more about the situation; however, what I can say with certainty is that you are in no way responsible for this guy's erratic behavior. As difficult as it is for you now, be thankful that this behavior manifested itself before you became seriously involved with him.
If you can be reassigned to another location within the office this may help.
2007-02-21 08:51:30 · answer #1 · answered by Rickster 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The male you are referring to sounds like a jerk. I know it isn't easy, but you need to ignore him and his moods. Just really cool to him at all times. He will get the message and you will feel better. There is nothing wrong with not having a boyfriend. Don't let other people's opinion rub off on you. Another person cannot make you feel guilty of anything. You have a choice about your life. If you have a good, caring femalee friend, ask her for suggestions in regard to what they see about you and why they think guys would be intimidated by you. If it just that you are in a higher status, by either job or education, that is good that one one would be intimidated and you certainly don't need that kind of person. When a femal has advance past the level of many males, they are intimidated and insecure. Look for friends in the level where you meet both male and females. That is a place to start and don't worry or sacrifice for less than what you deserve. You need to get more confidence about yourself. Do some self examination and evaluate the good things about yourself. Don't let the negatives get the best of you. Try looking the mirror and tell yourself about the good things and learn to really like yourself.
Good luck
2007-02-21 08:54:24 · answer #2 · answered by Jan C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people out there in the world are only playing games all of the time. He probably has no idea what he wants and was just playing around with you. If you hadn't told him you would go out with him , he would still be persuing your attention at the same level prior to the invite. This is a classic example of someone that doesn't know what they want and when feel positve they can get what they think they want, then they lose interest. The pursuit or game is over. It happens all the time. I would suggest that you just act real cool around him and whatever you do, don't let him know you are upset and DO NOT confide in anyone at work. I mean ANYYONE. Trust me on this.
2007-02-21 08:55:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope your working with a thearpist and a pshyciatrist on your depression and your bulimia, because outside of this subject you really need to get those things treated.
This man is a someone you work with, and he's being very inappropriate, its not appropriate to take pictures of you and send sexual jokes. Thats sexual harrassment. He seems very creepy from your discription. You could decide to tell him to back off and go your seperate ways, and if he refuses take it to your boss. Or if your friends, and you feel he's just being a jerk, then be up front with him. I was with a guy that I was interested in, when he started treating me poorly, and when I told him how I felt he stopped what he was doing, and said he didn't realize he was hurting my feelings. Good luck with whatever you decide.
PS your not a freak for never having a boyfriend, the right one will come along.
2007-02-27 10:40:08 · answer #4 · answered by Kellie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. First of all, I am so sorry this is someone you work with! He is not just shy, but also has self-confidence problems.
Even if you think it doesn't show, he was able to "pick up" that you have a lack of self-confidence also. (Don't beat yourself up over this. We all have this at times). He may have continued to call you indefinitely, and never asked you out. Unfortunately, he may start the same behavior all over again after a short break. Some people just need an outlet like this. What if he changes his behavior to stalking, and still doesn't ask you to do something fun? Please, don't blame yourself about any of this! He may sincerely like you, but it is time to let human resource dept. at your job in on this. Besides confusing You, he is keeping decent men at bay, and most likely affecting how you feel about going to work. Has he offered food, clothing, and shelter to you? How much personal information have you told him? I'm not trying to be funny. It's not You. It's Him.
2007-02-27 19:45:21 · answer #5 · answered by 1(one)mom 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy sounds like a nut. That said, never EVER EVER try to date anyone who is close to you in the workplace. BAD idea.
If you can, ignore him 100%. You made a bad choice. If you had had "boyfriends" (and he wasn't one) then you would know - some good, some bad, some just crazy.
You didn't do anything wrong except try to turn the workplace into an opportunity for romance. Just keep telling yourself that, and try to start socializing or volunteering or contributing with your time in places that you can be of value to others.
2007-02-21 08:53:06 · answer #6 · answered by kramerdnewf 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy sounds like a jerk. Try not to take it so personally. When it's right you'll know it and the right guy is out there for you. All of us have to kiss alot of "frogs" before we find our prince. As for his mood changes...ignore him and don't allow the sexual jokes of innuendos. You have the right to stand up for yourself and report that kind of behavior at work. Don't allow this idiot to make you a victim. Be strong and know that your entitled to better treatment at work and for that matter anywhere. Good luck girl
2016-03-29 06:00:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way I see it, HE seems like the weirdo, not you. Very strange behavior from him, and I can see no reason for it after reading what you wrote. Your behavior sounds perfectly normal to me and I hope you don't judge yourself by how he is treating you. You are not a loser. Don't rush to belong to someone. When the right person comes along, they won't treat you like he has, and they'll have your name written all over them! Put a smile on and just be yourself. It'll happen when you least expect it, so don't lose hope or beat yourself up for nothing.
2007-02-21 08:49:14 · answer #8 · answered by BlueJay 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ignore this guy...guys act more interested if you act like you don't care. Don't act down in the dumps b/c it throws out bad vibes. Try to act positive on the outside even if you are feeling like a loser on the inside.
2007-02-21 08:44:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I, at 38, have had a sorry love life too. However, if you've got an eating disorder, you need to fix that before doing anything else.
2007-02-28 05:59:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋