i can't believe how hurt i feel over this guy i work with. he had spent so much time flirting with me, calling me up at night, etc. i really thought he was interested. I thought he was shy so i told him i would go do something fun with him if he wanted. The next day, the phone calls stopped. He started behaving erratically towards me, sometimes very friendly, sometimes cold, sometimes taking photos of me w/his phone sometimes sending sexual jokes. It's at the point where this has all really hurt me and I'm trying to move on. But i feel awful. I feel like a loser nobody will ever be interested in, someone who people only play games with. I don't even want to be friendly towards him bc it hurts me but he sits right next to me. How am I going to get over this? I am really in pain over it all. Please please say something that might help. I am 36 female, never had a steady boyfriend but people say i am attractive but intimidating. I feel like a freak for never having had a boyfriend.
2007-02-21 08:36:40 · 10 answers · asked by Jebbie 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you are cool regardless of your age...people playing games is not cool...tell him that you work together and would like to keep things on a work relationship only and stop all the other crap.
If he does not, report him
you will find the man meant for you when the time is right
I found mine at 48 and he is everything I ever wanted and more...so hang in there and stop letting this guy get to you! stand up for yourself with him and tell him to stop the games
be cool...
2007-02-21 08:41:41 · answer #1 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jebbie,
You need to relax first of all. Getting worked up over this will not help matters any.
Second, you need to approach this guy diplomatically and ask him to stop the flirting, the joking and the sexual jokes at work. You are there to work, not to socialize. Yes, you do have to be nice to the people you work with and we all try to make work a pleasurable experience but there is a limit. My guess is that your employer, as most do, will frown upon any of the activities that you stated. My other guess is the your employer also has an anti sexual harrassment policy that this guy is violating by sending these messages and you are violation by accepting them and keeping them hush-hush.
Third, you need to approach this guy with a bit less of an intimidating behavior. Go to lunck during the day rather than asking him out after work. (Lunch time is limited and if this guy is scared, he might be more apt to accept a lunch together as oposed to a full on "date" after work. Eventually he will know that you like him... if he is interested as well then plan something to do after work. If he's a creep, a weirdo or if he's not interested, you will know soon enough. Main thing is don't get your hopes too high and don't dictate how things "should go... Play it by ear and let the chips fall where they may.
Forth and most importantly, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. There's nothing wrong with being single especially if you haven't found the right guy. Once you stop feeling sorry for yourself, look at all the good things in life. Work on your appearance if there's room for improvement there... Feel good about yourself and you will appear more attractive to others. If you appear more attractive to others chances are you will come across a guy who will like you, he'll ask you out...etc. The more you stress not having a boyfriend or not being able to date, the less the chances of it happening. The more you concentrate on your self image and self respect, the more confident you will become.
God gave us the ability to reason... Use your talents to find what people like and do more of it... and what they dislike and try to become less of it.
And lastly, if others say that you are attractive but intimidating, then try to slow things down when you meet someone that you like. Chances are this guy might have felt a bit intimidated when you asked him out... who knows.
The moral of this story is "everything in moderation".
Good luck and cheer up...
2007-02-21 09:05:08 · answer #2 · answered by O S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is to ignore him and pretend that he does not eXist. Since you work with him just be courteous. All you can do is go about your day and focus on something else. Like friends, family, and the other positive things in your life. I understand how you feel because it has happened to me. A co-worker of mine flirted with me and we "hung out" over summer. He kissed me and I even spend the night at his place. Why was it that a few days later he told me to forget that anything ever happened between us? Crazy right? He just used me. There was nothing I could say or do to change the situation and I see this guy everyday at work! All I can do is go about my day and avoid him as much as possible. Guys suck...sometimes all they want from a woman is seX and after that they forget about you. No phone calls..no nothing...Not all men are like this, but it seems like those are the only kind that I meet. I've learned to focus more on my career, family, and friends. You are bound to meet someone good. Be optimistic and forget the LOSER! You don't need him anyways! You are not a freak...you just haven't met the right person yet. Read this book "He's Just not that into you." It's pretty funny and will give you insights on why men do what they do. I've had a few guys after sleeping with me dissapeared on me. How f***** up is that? I felt like crap. To think that someone would say and do all those things just to sleep with me and then throw me away? It's pretty shameful. I know how you feel..I've been there. Don't give up there are some good guys out there....keep looking.
2007-02-21 08:50:45 · answer #3 · answered by asiansmile 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have got to get over this situation. Many very attractive women /girls have not had dates because of their intimidating beauty. Most men believe pretty women never have problems not ever feel alone. We know thats bull but not to most men. Since u sit beside him at work u have to get over this situation. I 'm not sure what activity you shared w/ him but you must forget what happened. ok . If you allowed him some freedom w/ you that usually goes for bf material -well you now know that isn't such a good idea. I tell my daughters to check out the man interested in you that he must bring as much to the table as u-looks, intelligence, ambition, caring attitude. So hope this advice helps. As I said not sure what u shared w/ him so cannot say much more.
2007-02-21 08:57:09 · answer #4 · answered by Cooljohnstu3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever thought why he is doing what he is doing? i mean it does sound like he is a mean guy but flip the situation and see it from the angle that, he is a just a child, one that cant decide what he wants nor how he is supose to get it. What sort of mature guy takes stupid pics on his phone, answer the wrong guy for you. just think why do i wnt some one who dosent know if they want me, i want a guy to know he wants me and that he will do anything to get me. you will find a guy darling dont worry there are nice guys out there, and it dosent matter what age you are, love is ageless, and it catches everyone at some point, keep the smile it is the light of the soul and he will find you wen you are alone in the dark
2007-02-21 08:47:40 · answer #5 · answered by choooo choooo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You gambled and lost. Always be very, very careful about relationships at work. You can see that when they go bad, as most relationships do, you are stuck with the mess.
Ask him to stop playing with you. Any more sexual jokes he sends you will be shown to his supervisor. This should stop him and if he does, follow through. Anyways, you are going to have to stone wall him or quit. Not much of a choice, is it?
You need to find a strong, confident man, and explore your femininity and the submissiveness side of yourself.
2007-02-21 08:46:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a perfectly normal, beautiful person who needs the warm and loving feeling of being accepted. You really should know better than to let a jerk like that ruin your mood and confidence. I know sometimes it seems difficult or even impossible to find love, but you just gotta hang in there and trust in yourself. Know what you want and go after it with conviction and you won't lose. All good things come to those who endure.
2007-02-21 08:45:22 · answer #7 · answered by Dennis K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys are rude and awful like that, but not all. You just have to keep going through life. Press on, don't look back. Psh, he is missing out on you!
2007-02-21 08:50:52 · answer #8 · answered by chickygirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear that. I can sympathsize with you. But don't feel bad....
I would just talk to him and tell him about his behavior. If he continues ignore him. If he still continues to irritate you....talk to a supervisor!
2007-02-21 08:42:41 · answer #9 · answered by CuteCaribChic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry, there's someone for everyone, he just seems immature,like he was trying to play you. Think postive and just be yourself.
2007-02-21 08:43:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋