Mothers trust? specially about sex...?

Question

ok, i'm 19, have a fiance that i've been with for a lil over a year, still go to school, will be getting a job soon that pays well, and i live at home with my parents. i have been having sex with my fiance since a few months into our relationship and have kept it from my parents until now. my mother has never really trusted me, but i recently realize that the looked through my stuff not too long ago and found some pregnancy tests. so basically, i think she now knows about my sex life. she's been extra strict with me lately since i think she found them, but i know it will hurt her if i just come out and say that i'm having sex. not only that, but my fiance said he'd never come to my house again if my parent knew "for sure" that we were having sex. my mom has even told me that she knows what i have been doing, but is waiting for me to tell her. what should i do? should i lie and say those tests arent mine? how do i resolve this issue and everyone be at least comfortable with everything?

Answer 1

Don't come out and say it. She knows. You know she knows. Outright telling her will just be awkward.

Respect the fact that you are still living under her roof, even if you are engaged. Be more discrete about your sex life, and for goodness sake be more careful so you won't need to buy multiple pregnancy tests!

This awkwardness will fade.

Answer 2

well, you just proved to her that she can not trust you. being 19 does not give you the right to break her trust. you owe her an apology. say sorry and explain to her that you are already an adult and in love. and pls... protect yourself. you would not want to blow your future with an unwanted pregnancy at this time.

have a talk with your boyfriend. if he is still uncomfortable with the fact that you will tell your mom....maybe he would be more comfortable if you tell him you both would abstain from having sex until you graduate, find a job or moved out. that way, he could look directly into the eyes of your parents when he is visiting.

Answer 3

Your MIL sounds like she has emotional problems, probably stemming from the fact that her boyfriend is sexually attracted to children instead of her. Regardless of her ranting and guilt trips, this is your and your husband's child, and you have every right to have it "Shannon (and Tristyn)'s way." And for the record, I wouldn't want the freak near my kid either. I would consider an olive branch where Mark could see the baby, as long as your MIL and you or your husband are in the same room at all times. She'll probably get pissy about this, but just tell her "that's my offer. Take it or leave it." Stick to your guns on this. Your child's safety is your absolute first priority, and you should do nothing to jeopardize it.

Answer 4

You are legally an adult. If your parents don't approve of sex before marriage, and you are living under their roof, then respect their wishes until you are married or move. Or just tell them that you're an adult and can make responsible choices. Although if you have pregnancy tests, that leads me to believe that you are not being too responsible.

Answer 5

Everyone has to grow up about this issue. You are 19, you are marrying the man, so where's the problem in you having sex with him? Talk to your mom about it. I'm pretty sure she had sex before she was married.

Answer 6

Tell your mom your having sex. get on birth control so you don't have a unwanted child. Talk to your boy friend/fiance and get a wedding date set even if its over a year away.

Answer 7

your 19 for goodness sakes, your mom i am sure was having sex at 19 and if she wasn't she has to understand that things are different these days. as far as the pregnancy test go....they are yours and you should say, "mom, with sex comes "scares" even when using b/c" i hope this helps and i hope your mom can deal!

Answer 8

she knows what you are doing but to keep trust you should talk to her about it and get and keep a close relationship with your mom, she will be like your best friend and help you get through all your tuff times as you grow older.
I share everything with my mom and we are very close

Answer 9

If she came out and said it then she knows. Why would you need to tell her?

Answer 10

What in the world is the difference between loving a person, and being attached to them? Love is the sincere wish, for others to be happy and to be free from suffering. Having realistically realized other’s kindness, as well as their faults, Love is Always focused on the other person’s welfare. We have no ulterior intensions or motives to fulfill our own self-interests; or to fulfill our own desires, we love others, all people, simply because they exist. Attachment, on the other hand, exaggerates others’ good qualities, and makes us crave to be with them. When we’re with them, we are happy, but when we’re separated from them, we’re miserable. Attachments are always linked with expectations of what others should be, or what they should do for us. Is love, as it is understood in most societies, really love OR attachment ? Let us examine this a little more. Generally speaking, we are attracted {drawn to) people because they have qualities we value, or because they help us in some way. If we carefully observe, through introspection, our own thought processes we’ll notice that we very often look for specific qualities in others. Some of these qualities we are drawn to are qualities within our parents, or qualities which society values.
We examine someone’s looks, education, social status, financial status, and so forth. This is how Most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value, or not. In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they praise us, encourage us, help us, if they listen to what we have to say, if they make us feel secure, if they take care of us when were sick, unhappy or depressed, we consider them good, or sometimes righteous people, and these are the people we more drawn to, whom we are most likely attracted to, and the people we choose to be around with.
In all honesty, this is very biased, for we are judging them, only in terms of how they relate to us, as if we are the most important person in the world & thinking the world revolves around us! After we’ve judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them, it appears to us as if goodness is radiating out from within them, but as we are more mindfully aware, we realize that we have projected this goodness on to them.
Desiring to be the people who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo’s, when we’re with these people, we’re up, but when we’re not with them, we’re down. Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with these people will be, and thus have expectations of them. “When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we’re unhappy, disappointed or may even become angry. We want them to change so that they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from other people. Our problems arise not because others aren’t who we thought they were, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they were not. We often use a type of Checklist also. Checklist: “I Love You IF ___________ !” This Love is Conditional and what we call love, is most often attachment. It is actually an attitude which overestimates the qualities of another person.
’Then we cling tightly to that person, thinking our peace and happiness depends on that person. We even often blame that person for our unhappiness.’ Love, on the other hand, is a very patient, calm, optimistic and relaxed attitude. We want others to be free from suffering and to be happy simply because they exist. While attachments are uncontrolled, and too emotionally sentimental, Love is Patient, powerful, and controlled(disciplined). Attachment obscures our judgment {our ability to make sound, wise decisions), and we become impatient, angry, and impartial – helping our dear ones, and those who do us no harm. Love clarifies our mind, & we access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachment is based on selfishness, while love is founded on valuing, & cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to us. Love always looks beyond all the superficial appearances and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want peace of mind, happiness, and wish to avoid suffering. If we see an unattractive, or unintelligent people we most often feel repulsed, because our selfish minds want to find attractive, intelligent, and talented people. On the other hand, Love never evaluates others by theses superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Love recognizes that regardless of the others appearances, they’re experiences are they same as ours: they want inner mental peace, happiness, and wish to be from suffering. When we’re attached, we’re not mentally, emotionally, & spiritually free. For we overly depend on, and cling to another person, to fulfill our emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. We fear losing the person, fearing that we’d be incomplete without them.” This does Not mean that we should suppress all our emotional needs, or become aloof, and totally independent, for that too would not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs and slowly, gently and patiently – seek to eliminate them. If we try to suppress them, pretending they do not exist, we become insecure, anxious, or possibly depressed. In this case, we do our best to fulfill our needs, while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them. The core problem is that most of us seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others, rather than to understand them. Our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfish obscuring of our own minds. We develop confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a Selfless human being, having many magnificent qualities, and then we’ll develop and have an accurate perception of ourselves, gaining self-confidence. We’ll seek to increase true unconditional love, to increase compassion, to cultivate patience, as well as generosity, right concentration and wisdom. Under the influence of attachment, we’re bound by our unstable emotional reactions to others. When they’re nice to us, we’re happy, but when they ignore us or speak sharply to us, we take it personally, and are unhappy. But pacifying attachment doesn’t mean we become hard-hearted, rather without attachments, there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine affection and impartial love for them. And as a result, we’ll be more actively involved with them. As we learn to transform our minds & lives, through subduing our attachments, we can definitely have successful friendships, and personal relationships with others. These relationships will be richer, more meaningful because of the freedom and respect the relationships are based on. We’ll really care about the happiness and misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same inside: we all want inner peace of mind, Happiness, and to be from suffering.
However, of course, our lifestyles and interests may be a bit more compatible with some people. Our friendships and our personal relationships will be based on mutual interests, and to help other people. Having such an attitude, we’ll be much More Patient, & tolerant toward others; will remain mentally calm, having Peace of Mind and Happiness, and we’ll communicate successfully with others in life.