One of my friends, who incidentally is an ex, is leaving forever in a couple of days. I wont see him after tomorow and we've had a strange relationship-rocky, but still good friends. We have been quite close recently. (Note: I have NO feelings for him, other than as a friend) He is a major flirt, can be slightly two faced and jus annoying sometimes. I've always wanted to tell him this, because of his arrogance and in the hope he'll see how other people think of him, possibly changing how he acts around people. He has hurt me before by acting like he cares, tells me im the only person he trusts but then acting as if I really dont mean that much to him.
So we were texting and I told him exactly how I felt (I mean, im never going to get another chance am I?) and he hasnt replied. What might he be feeling right now? And have I ruined our friendship forever before he leaves? I have no idea how to act around him tomorrow. Any ideas?
2007-02-21 07:14:36 · 22 answers · asked by Lily 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Should I text him back saying sorry or does that seem desperate? I kno i should probably tell him in person tomorrow, but he might not want to talk to me.
2007-02-21 07:35:37 · update #1
possibly the wrong time to crush the guy, I think you should have told him sooner, so he could deal with it. I think he just has to find a place to put everything you told him, let him know you care, and hope that your friendship is okay, you can't imagine not having him as a friend, he sounds like he is full of himself and you just brought him down a few notches, give him some time to deal with what you told him, act normal tomorrow!
2007-02-21 07:19:36 · answer #1 · answered by Cute Stuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Number one. Friends are supposed to say anything to each other. Right? Yes. And unconditional friendship is built by trust. So, you are not wrong to tell him how you feel. It had to be done. As a friend, you didn't want to see him act that way to anyone else. Therefore, you did the right thing to confront him. As for him leaving tomorrow. That just happens to be dumb-luck timing. Let me ask you this. Would you have told him how you felt if he WASN'T leaving? Or was it just because he is leaving and you thought this would be your only chance to tell him?
Tomorrow? Stand your ground. If he really cherishes your friendship, he'll understand. Sure, there's going to be a 'little' uncomfortable time, but hey, it's not meant to be easy. Still stand your ground, but don't change the way you act. Laugh, smile, enjoy the last day of his existence. However, don't let him get defensive or even try to talk to you about "I am not that way". Cut him off and tell him, "let's not talk about this now. I want this to be a happy moment."
2007-02-21 15:25:39 · answer #2 · answered by Scott D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did what you felt was right to help him out but it may have been perceived as a slap in the face instead. Sometimes people's arrogance is just a mask for their insecurity. If someone is insecure, they are bound to get defensive regardless of the wording of your comments.
Perception is reality sometimes. Nobody can predict the future or tell you if you ruined the relationship of other than him so the real question is..regardless of where he is going do you want to remain friends? If so, text him and tell him that you hope he understood that you were trying to be helpful and that you still want to be friends, then wait for him to respond. If he does, great. If he does not, maybe he'll come around maybe he won't but it's out of your hands and I would no longer pursue it.
Good luck!
2007-02-21 15:25:47 · answer #3 · answered by LUCREZIA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are never wrong to tell someone how you feel, but you probably shouldn't have done it in a text message. See, when you text, it leaves feelings and emotion out. If you were to have told him in person, you would know exactly what he was feeling.
My suggestion about tomorrow:
When you see him just ask him why he never replied to the text you sent him. Then ask if it bothered him. Just when you say it, don't be all serious, or you wont get a straight answer. Just act like you have no idea you might have hurt his feelings or bothered him... like it was no biggie.
GOOD LUCK!!
2007-02-21 15:24:25 · answer #4 · answered by lovepink317537 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While telling him is probably the right thing to do, texting it is definitely not. Texting has become a safe way to say things that we are afraid to say in person, but they come across as much more hurtful.
If you want to talk to your friend, you need to do so in person.
On the other hand, if this person is leaving and you expect the friendship to end, why do you want to say anything? It is not as if you will benefit from the hoped for change. Whether you say something or not the person might not change.
Take care,
Troy
2007-02-21 15:23:13 · answer #5 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a relationship that is too rocky to be involved in. This is oil and water and as you know, the two don't mix. Move on. There are others out there. You will know when the right person comes along. It is something that is hard to explain. It is like a magnet drawing you in. It doesn't pay to try and make a relationship work if there is nothing to build from.
2007-02-21 15:24:16 · answer #6 · answered by Yafooey! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you shared how you feel and about what bothering you and such, you caused the person to changed perspective and think deeper. It would take time for him adjust to the new change. Give him time and act normal, continue to be friends. It may help him learn more about himself that he may not realized what he's doing offended you and others. Give him time to choice what he wanted to be. Having an open communication with each other will not only help each other but gives good support to a friend to become better. Everyone needs a friend's feedback about themselves. Be Honest.
2007-02-21 15:31:56 · answer #7 · answered by DayStar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I feel that you have made a mistake. How YOU see him is not necessarily how others may see him. I mean, you've both been friends for such a long time, why send him off on such a negative note? No matter how strong the "itch" to tell him "your true feelings", it wasn't the nicest thing to do. You may have just ruined all chances of him keeping in touch. He more than likely hasn't replied because he's angry or his feelings are hurt. We all have our faults, and you just force-fed him a mirror, whether he liked it or not.
2007-02-21 15:22:07 · answer #8 · answered by manatee lover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If more people were like you we could learn some of are faults and maybe better our self's you did nothing wrong you were honest if you see him again jest tell him that you felt that he was mature enough to hand the truth and you hoped it would open his eyes if he never wants to talk to you again that is his problem not yours you did the right thing if he has any sense he will learn from your truthfulness if not he is shallow anyway
2007-02-21 15:26:19 · answer #9 · answered by delmonticoman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did you word it? How you say something is sometimes even more important than what you say.
You see him that way, but do you really speak for "other people?"
I know why you did what you did, but I wonder if he does.
You might want to write him again. Ask him if the two of you are okay, but I think done is done.
2007-02-21 15:21:46 · answer #10 · answered by Jed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋