What should I do about my mom?

Question

She and I had a colossal falling out almost 3 years ago during my parents divorce after 35 years. She left him to move 500 miles away. 2 years later Dad filed for divorce and is now married to his H.S. sweetheart. The straw that broke the camels back after her years of emotional and physical abuse of me was when she tried to break up my marriage. Her side of the family, including my sister, were no better, they all ganged up on me just for having my dad over while he was in town visiting. I have not spoke or seen any of them since. Even though I’ve refused them, mom is sending cards with money in it to me and the kids and still refuses to apologize or even talk about the whole situation. She's extremely narcissistic and easily justifies her bad and mean actions. I just want them to leave me and my family alone. Finally coming to this decision took years and lots of other bad situations to make me finally say ENOUGH! What should I do now that the unchanged cards keep coming?

Answer 1

You can refuse to accept the mail from them.

I believe that you're right -- she'll never see that she has done anything wrong, much less acknowledge it. My mom's the same way.

I know many people will advise you to patch things up and forgive her, blah, blah, blah, because one day you'll regret this when you're gone, but I have a lot of trouble buying into that. For my own mom, I felt like she was "gone" years ago (yes, she's still alive.) The pain of having her around was too much, and I came to the conclusion I would be better off without any contact.

I suggest refusing the mail, maybe changing to an unlisted phone number (I know it's a pain in the butt), etc. to disappear from her life.

It's painful, and I feel for you tremendously. I wish I could offer more for you.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Let Grandma send the kids money that is what they do and to deny her that would be mean, cruel and make no sense to the children.
Cards aren't a relationship and the kids deserve some contact allbeit limited to card and a thank you note once or twice a year.
Think of the cards as a courtesy and just let them live their life away from you and your Dad who you can have a comfortable relationship with. You don't have to ask them over just because they sent a card.. lighten up or your bitterness towards her will turn you into something sick and obsessed. You can't change her so let it go..

Answer 3

Honestly, your life is your life. If your mom's family doesn't like your father coming to visit that's their problem, not your's. After all, it was your mother that left him in the first place. If your mother keeps sending cards with money, put it in a savings account for the children for college or christmas. You should not have to be put in the middle of this. You are an adult and you must show it by standing your ground. If your mom comes up with another excuse for her actions just tell her that excuses are like toilet paper, you wipe your *** with it.

Answer 4

i would just take the money. she owes you that. don't send her any correspondence back. don't even acknowledge her. throw the cards out, keep the money.