Have a real problem with our sitter?

Question

Last Friday my husband and I went out to dinner. We were only gone for a couple of hours and asked our neighbours 15 year old daughter, who we know very well to sit for us. When we got home she was on our computer, which I don't mind, but as we walked in she got rid of the internet page. When she'd gone home I went onto the net and checked the history pages out of curiosity. I found that she had been visiting pro-anorexia stes, not one but quite a few. I asked her about it the next day and she said she was just curious.I left it at that but the more I think about she has rapidly lost weight. Her mum is a good friend of mine. Do I tell her and then feel silly if it was just curiosity or do I keep quiet and let her know I'm there if she needs to talk???

Terri I am a 28 year old mother and no offence but I know how serious this matter is. I KNOW anorexia ends in death. There is absolutely no need to patronise!!

Answer 1

You should bring it up to her mother. I am a recovering anorexic, and i'm only 26 and I've had 2 heart attacks, a stroke, and a host of other problems. It's amazing how quickly anorexia spirals out of control.

Chances are her mother already knows there's a problem, it being her mother and all, but it's not worth taking chances and you'll have the peace of mind knowing you did all you could. Esp. if you and her mother are good friends, I'm sure she'll appreciate your concern. Good luck!

Answer 2

Not all cases of anorexia end in death. Many recover.
However it sounds like this girl may be curious and suspect she has this disease.
If her Mother is your friend then i would take this friend aside and tell her what you saw and that you are concerned that her daughter may be anorexic.
The mother then (I would hope) start looking for signs of anorexia such as missed meals, avoidance of foods, vomiting, laxatives being taken, over exercising, lethargy and weight loss.
If I was that girls mum then i would be grateful for you telling me.
I would not do this in front of the girl because often anorexics are in denial and will run a mile. Also if this girl is anorexic and thinks folk know it could make her worse and become more cunning in avoidance of food.
I managed to hide my anorexia from my family for almost a year. Only got found out when my Mum had had phone calls from my school telling her I'd passed out in class and wasn't eating. I always wore baggy clothes and hid my thinness. I was 15 at the time.

I know as I've had anorexia but thankfully due to a wonderfully supportive mother i survived it.

Answer 3

Tell the girl to talk to her mom and also tell her it must be done by a certain day. By then if she has still not discussed it with her mom, then yes you should talk to the mom with the 15 yrs old there too. It's in the best interest of the girl, especially when it comes to health.

Think of it this way, if you had a 15 yrs old daughter and looked up these sites on someone elses computer and didn't talk to you about it, wouldn't you think the parent should talk to you.

Answer 4

I'm just thinking about this from the point of view of your friend, the girl's mother - and if I was her, I would absolutely want to be told. I'm guessing that if you don't tell her, it's going to worry you all the time and perhaps you will then feel responsible for keeping an eye on the girl's weight. If it was just curiosity, you've no need to feel silly for mentioning it to her mother.

Answer 5

What would you want to happen if that were your child? I would wish for someone to inform me so I can have a heart to heart chat with my daughter. Now, I admit that I've visited a few of those sites out of curiousity, but my weight has been steady and I'm healthy. If this girl is losing weight rapidly, then don't you think it's a cause for concern???

Answer 6

I think you should tell her mum, in a tactful way. I'm sure she would appreciate it. Alternatively, try and have a word with the young girl yourself, although then you'd kinda be taking her mum's role. Maybe suggest that in the short term, the mother monitors her daughter's behaviour and eating habits etc, rather than her confronting her daughter about it, which will cause stress for everyone

Answer 7

You have an obligation to tell the mom, but you don't want to do it behind the girl's back. Sit the two of them down together, outline to the mother what you found and tell both of them that you are relating it out of concern. If you don't get a good reaction, you'll just have to live with it, because this is your absolute responsibility. Better have someone mad at you than feeling responsible for a child's death - and they DO die of anorexia.

Answer 8

I think u should tell her mum just like u wrote it on here. Tell her the facts (u found her girl looking at pro ana sites etc) tell her you feel silly coz u might be over reacting but let her know you're concerned. Also remind her that you are always there for her and her daughter if they need you. its better to be safe than sorry.

Answer 9

I would bring it up the nest time that you are out for a dinner date with her mother I don't know that I would call her panicked because she may get defesive. Just let her know what had happened and you were curious and that is what you found and that you thought you shoud let her know and then drop it. If she continues to talk about it and brings you in fine other wise leave it alone.

Answer 10

I think you should tell her mother but be careful about the way you tell her. At least this way the mother will watch her to find out for herself what is going on with her daughter. It puts up a red flag.