Im 18 and I just got married... I have 3 nephews and 3 neices,and I have babysitted for my sisters and I know how hard it is to raise a child.And I know how hard it is finacially..So I dont want to bring a child into this world untill im mature enough and patient enough to devote ALL my time to a child...I know I do want a child...But,I told my sister I wanted to wait untill im 27-30 yrs old to have a child...And she said that is just plain selfish...What do you think?Am I being selfish to wait that long??
2007-02-21 06:31:14 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
response:No,I live in Texas.My sister is 24 and she has a 1 year old and a 1 month old
2007-02-21 06:39:29 · update #1
Thanks for all the comments..Yeah my sister said she think Im being selfish because I want to go out with my husband and "live life to the fullest" as she put it...
2007-02-21 07:01:39 · update #2
Dont get me wrong I love children..But at this point I also love the fact that I can take them out to the movies or to the zoo..and then take them home to mommy..lol
2007-02-21 07:03:53 · update #3
I don't want to have kids until I'm sure that my relationship's solid and my career is firmly in place. I'm going to try to wait until around the same age and I've been planning this for at *least* 4 years (this is when I had this in writing as part of a psychology course in highschool). I'm trying to build good credit and would like to have a house built/rennovated and to have money invested as well as a "go to hell fund" in case I can no longer work. I'd be able to work from home for the most part with the job I'm at now and it gives me a lot of freedom, but there's still the nagging thought at the back of my mind that I'd have to be changing diapers. Hey, live frugally and hire an illegal immigrant maid to do the dirty work, right? (*LOL* just joking!)
I think what's selfish is when a lot of young women get pregnant, in some cases by "tricking" the guy (skipping birth control pills or not taking them at all) and think that the baby's going to be their best friend. It's a child, not a dog or a doll. They're going to end up teenagers one day and you're going to be praying that they don't end up killing themselves in the process.
2007-02-21 06:49:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you're being responsible, not selfish. It would be selfish if you had an abortion because you were to incompetant to take a birth control pill but since you don't want to get pregnant then I doubt that's happening. I think you're right to wait if that's how you feel until you are ready or else you would just end up being a selfish parent (ie wanting to go out and do things, spending more time on a career or college than with your kids, etc.) so I think you are absolutely correct.
2007-02-21 08:35:42 · answer #2 · answered by momofthreemiracles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Selfish? NO - it is RESPONSIBLE.
Who is going to care for the baby 24/7? Who is going to financially, emotionally and spiritually support this child? YOU. It is YOUR choice (along with your husband). Not your sister's, and not your parent's, and not your best friend. It is yours. And I think it is admirable for you to wait.
I waited until I was in my 30's, and I am damn glad I did. I was ready emotionally for my daughter, and I was able to financially offer her all of the things she needs. My husband and I have her a college fund (she has had since she was 1 month old), a saving's account, and numerous savings plans that we wouldn't have thought of if we were younger. And we are financially able to contribute and fund these things for her, along with paying all of the bills. And we are much more mature now than when we first got married. We were able to be a couple and do all of the fun things young couples do before settling down and starting a family because - let's face it - once a baby comes, the vacations and stuff is much more involved, not to mention more expensive.
Thank your sister for her input, but stick with what you decided. And the next time your sister asks for your input about something, decline citing that you feel it is important to remain objective about things, and you don't feel you can at this point.
Personally, I think your sister sounds a little jealous that you have decided to wait. What is right for you may not be right for her, and vice versa.
2007-02-21 06:53:32 · answer #3 · answered by volleyballchick (cowards block) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously have GOOD reasons: you want to wait until you feel more mature, or you're more financially secure. That isn't selfish, that's VERY responsible -- once you do have kids, you will feel more confident, and that will result in a better start for your baby. It's also smart to give your married life time to develop before introducing the stress of babies -- pregnancy and infants reveal interesting sides of both the mother and father! :-)
Since your sister had her first kid(s) before 27, she may have felt that you were looking down on her for not waiting, and been a bit hurt.
Waiting until YOU are ready is the right decision -- you know what is best for you and your new family. If you're not emotionally/financially ready, it WILL affect your children. So good for you!
2007-02-21 06:47:18 · answer #4 · answered by Matti 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The selfish thing would be to have a baby when you know you are not prepared (emotionally, psychologically, financially).
Your sister has no right to tell you this, and she is just plain WRONG! I have a feeling (and I may be wrong) that she had her kids at a young age. I think she just wants you to be in the same boat as she is. Perhaps her motives are not clear to her (she is not necessarily being mean, - she just want to have something in common with you that the two of you can share). She also may be a little jealous that you are thinking things through with a mature mind.
By the way - one is NEVER financially ready for kids! But definitely wait until you think you are mentally and emotionally ready for kids; it isn't something that you can take back!
Good Luck on your marraige - and your future kids will be lucky to have a mom who knows how to use her head!
2007-02-21 06:40:20 · answer #5 · answered by I See You 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO, get to know your new husband better. Enjoy your time with him, because as soon as a child comes into the picture everything changes. If your sister says you should be having one now that you are married, then she is the selfish one. She of all people should know how hard it's to raise a child. If you want to wait, then wait.
2007-02-21 06:50:10 · answer #6 · answered by HAH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always said I wanted to be married at least two years and be in my twenties before I had kids.
I got married a week after turning 18, two weeks after turning twenty, I found out I was pregnant.
I got my wish!!
Anyway, when you have a child, you cannot say, oh I thought I was ready but I guess I am not, so I don' t want to be a mom anymore. You can make the decision when to have kids.
It isn't selfish, you arent depriving your kids of anything, cause you don't have any yet. It would be selfish to have kids now and then dump them on others so you can still have a good time.
2007-02-21 06:43:14 · answer #7 · answered by sandrarosette 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you sound mature to me. I waited until i was 29 and was able to stay home with the child and was more financially secure. Having children is a wonderful thing but if everyone put some thought into it like you have there would be happier children in the world. I think you are very smart and will make a wonderful parent.
2007-02-21 06:38:30 · answer #8 · answered by Donna Lea 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is not selfish at all! That is probably the most un-selfish thing you can do for a child. You are thinking ahead and saying hey, I know that when I am 27-30 I will be able to fully support this child. You are a very smart girl! Not selfish at all.
2007-02-21 06:51:48 · answer #9 · answered by Heather 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. It's completely responsible. You have a life to live and you already babysit. It's best to wait until you are mentally and financially ready. It would be selfish to have a baby when you're broke and not ready to care for it.
There is no need to rush. I was married at 18 and had my daughter at 19. Everyting is fine, but I could have waited and been able to give her even more than she has now.
2007-02-21 06:35:28 · answer #10 · answered by ☺SDgurl☺ 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋