I know how this sounds but ever since I've gotten engaged (over a year ago, wedding July 07) it's been the most stressful time of my life. Me and my fiance have NO money, we can't save, and are not going to be able to pay for this wedding (which he wanted not me). We are so financially up shi*s creek right now it's beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I wake up gasping for breath at night feeling like my heart has stopped, I grind my teeth, I cry all the time. I'm so sick over the lack of finances, I'm at my wits end with the whole thing. I'm now on 1mg of zanex so I can sleep without waking up thinking that I'm dead or about to die. I honestly just don't know what to do. Not getting married is not an option, cancelling the reception will cost even more money we don't have and his mother is a big, fat, super annoying ***** whose making things even worse. I know no one has the answers but it sure feels good to tell a bunch of strangers. Sorry for the rant. Any help would be good.
2007-02-21 06:15:14 · 21 answers · asked by Jersey Style 5 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I'd just like to state. It's not him, we love eachother very much, we live in a super rich part of Jersey and we are broke. Everything around here costs a fortune, that is the only problem. Things between us are perfect. We just can't seem to make ends meet.
2007-02-21 06:40:21 · update #1
Hang in there sweety, i was there not to long ago. I got married in May 06 and I felt exactly like you are explaining. After the reception was over the pressure lifted off me though and I realized that I did not need to worry so much. That everything would come together. If you would like any suggestions, you can email me at jrbridget_bush@yahoo.com
2007-02-21 06:25:30 · answer #1 · answered by jrbridget_bush 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Even though you can't cancel everything, I'm sure you can cancel certain things, like maybe cut down on the food if the reception is catered, and replace what you take from the menu with a cheaper option (I'm thinking Costco meat and cheese trays or something, on nicer platters). As far as the mother in law goes, you might have to gently remind her that she's already been married, and that it's your turn to pick and choose. She probably wants to help, but if you don't specifically give her a 'job' she'll just jump in where she wants to and most likely give unwanted input. If she's good at sewing, give her the task of fitting your dress or something; if she's good at cooking, hey, even better. Just find some way she can contribute that won't drive you nuts and will keep her occupied and out of your hair. Lastly, try a road trip with your hubby to be. Get out of the location where you are so stressed and relax a little! If the wedding is going to be stressful, make a different time to really get to enjoy the last time before the big day. Good luck, and congrats!!
2007-02-21 06:28:58 · answer #2 · answered by Meollo de la vida 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi bgirl28nj,
I can sense your overwhelming fear and frustration. Doesn't it matter to your fiance, his family or yours how you feel?, it should matter because your feelings and point of view is just are just as important as anyone else's. I have to admit I feel mad for you, just reading what you have written here. Have you actually told your fiance how you feel?
A marriage is a partnership and should be built on mutual respect for each other, if you don't have that you really SHOULD NOT be going forward with a wedding. The financial difficulties are only going to add tremendous strain on the marriage which is a recipe for disaster. My suggestion is to first of all respect your self, ask your self the question what is the worst thing that could happen to me by postponing the wedding, for how ever long? despite family getting upset.
The reception is costing a lot of money, think of this in perspective to what a divorce with all the legal fees will cost. I know I am being very direct and honest with you and I hope your not offended by what I'm saying. Please don't take this lightly, take your time, premarital counselling is a plus if at all possible, then both you and your fiance will know what you want and expect from each other and the marriage. Take Care! I hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Alice H.
2007-02-21 07:50:39 · answer #3 · answered by Alice H. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the first test of handling finances with your fiance. If you can't handle this one, you are going to have bigger troubles ahead when the time comes to make major purchases, save, manage the bills, buy a house, etc. You need to talk to each other.
If the wedding is too expensive and has you worried to the point of medication, he needs to let go of some of his expectations for the sake of your health and well-being. If he isn't willing to do that, you have a larger problem.
Not getting married IS an option - it seems like a big step to take, but if you can't talk honestly about this issue now, it's going to be 1000% times worse when you are married.
Would he consider going to pre-marital counseling with you to help work through this issue? Just a thought.
2007-02-21 06:25:54 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, hun...this doesn't sound good! Is it him or just everything that's going on? If it's just stress over the planning and money, it seems like it will be better once the ceremony is over. Could either of you get a second job to help pay for things?
Are there any expenses that you can cut out? Tell him that he needs to help a lot more or you won't make it til your wedding day.
2007-02-21 06:24:38 · answer #5 · answered by Get a life 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Since your wedding is in July 2007 you could always see if you could cancel the reception/wedding plans and get your refunds back. When I scheduled my reception, the lady in charge said that if the spot fills up I could get my deposit back. Perhaps if you discuss your situation with the reception site you could get your deposit back.
Then I would just go to the Justice of the Peace and elope, since this is wearing you down so much.
There is no need to go into even more debt for one day. Go to a JP and work on saving up for a big shebang anniversary renewal of vows day!
2007-02-21 07:17:03 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do for yourself and your fiance' is call the wedding off until you can afford it or elope and have a honeymoon later when you can afford it. You think you are stressed now, wait till you have to pay the bills after the wedding. Do yourself a favor and rechange your plans. There is no need to rush into a marriage when you are not ready whether it's emotionally or financially. If you both truley love each other, it can wait.
IMO, to get married in your situation is ignorant. You are only causing more undue stress to yourself. If others complain, it's not their concern. Tell them to mind their own business.
2007-02-21 06:24:15 · answer #7 · answered by S H 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I can tell that right now you feel like you are in a hole and there's really no way to get out of it. But things will get better. Just tell your fiance and your parents how you feel. You might be quick to learn that they can help you as well. Maybe talk to a financial advisor. or get a loan. Things will only get better. You'll be married! Dont think about it as something you're going to have to pay for, enjoy it because you deserve it.
Congrats, Goodluck and Good bye
2007-02-21 06:26:18 · answer #8 · answered by briacass 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Insane in the brain Bob Barker, the Price is Right B*tch
2016-05-24 03:13:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just have a nice reception party. have a nice small wedding with just a few family and friends and then party. instead of gifts ask for donation to the poor married couple.
2007-02-21 07:39:57 · answer #10 · answered by christy o 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋