Have you heard this one from the pub?

Question

A and B were in dispute over a hedge. I't's too high said A. No, it's not. said B and went on to suggest a ballkicking contest. Said B, If you win, I'll cut it. If I win, it stays as it is. I'll go first. Okay said A and braced himself. B took a flyng kick and booted A's balls into his throat. A collapsed but gradually recovered and said, now it's my turn. Nah, said B, you win, I'll cut it.

Answer 1

Sorry it didn`t make me laugh.

Answer 2

dont gwet it oh and pass this message on it wernt me it was a question i answered so dont beleive him

WE MUST STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper; groceries are heavier; everything is further away?

Yesterday I walked to the corner of our street and couldn’t believe how long the street has become. I never saw the building work going on so it must have been done at night – very crafty!

People are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time and when you ask them to repeat anything they keep mouthing the same silent message until they’re red in the face. What do they think I am, a lip-reader?

I have also noticed that they are much younger than I was at their age. On the other hand, people my age are so much older! I ran into an old friend the other day and he’s got so old he didn’t even recognise me!

I got to thinking about the poor bloke when I was combing my hair this morning and when I glanced up and realised that even mirrors are not made the way they used to be – older versions were designed to reflect exactly what was in front of them, not a distorted image.

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days. You’re risking life and limb every time you pull on to the motorway in front of them.

And they must get through their brakes like a dose of salts the way I see them skidding and sliding in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are more careless these days. Their quality control (if you can call it that!) must be non existent judging by the number of times I’ve brought items with the wrong size labels in them. I mean, putting ‘42" waist’ in a pair of 32" trousers is almost criminal. Do they think we won’t notice that things no longer fit around the neck, waist and hips?

Bathroom scale manufacturers are the same. The inaccuracy of their products is unbelievable – I would never let myself get to the weight the numbers are trying to tell me are correct!

I feel like calling someone to complain about these goings on but the telephone company are in on the act also – they print their directories in such fine print that you can’t look up the appropriate numbers!

All I can do is pass on this warning:

WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Unless something drastic is done pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!!!!

P.S. I am sending this to you in large font size because something has happened to my computer to cause the regular fonts to shrink (They must have got into my house at sometime to make these changes – scary thought!!!!!)

Answer 3

Brilliant.

Answer 4

Heard it in 1986 at work.

Answer 5

No I had not heard this one from the pub, very funny though.

Answer 6

Yay, good one! I'm just doing my dying fly impression!

Answer 7

ralcs = roll around laughing clutching sides

Very funny

Answer 8

I've never heard this one, but I haven't missed much.

Answer 9

i could sleep much better now having heard this joke, thank you.

Answer 10

Nice-one, simple and good.
Thank-you.