My sister is on the child neglect list for the children she has now. She doesn't see her children all day because she chooses not to. She told my mom that she is picking baby names like jermanie and carolina. She has only been with this guy for 6 months. My mom is the primary caregiver (not legally) for the children. It's like my mom is the mom and my sister a distant grandmom. What can I do? Or what can I say to her?
2007-02-21 04:49:01 · 7 answers · asked by fourcheeks4 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I know, my sister is in a similar boat. Only she definately does not neglect her baby. But, she does use my mom as a primary care giver while she goes to school and works. She's also talking of another baby, but they only have two bedrooms and the house is so small it barely fits them now.
I try to be supportive because I know it will only be more stressful if I say anything. All she'll do is act out negatively and lash out at you. It could possibly impair your relationship forever.
Using grandma as a permanent baby sitter is wrong. Especially if it's unpaid. And I don't know about you but it eats up time that my sons will have with her. My mom is so busy with her baby that we can't even go to lunch anymore :((
Just wait it out...hopefully she'll come to her senses. Otherwise, throw some hints out but nothing outright. See how she takes the hints and go from there. But, it's not worth causing a family squabble you may not recover from.
2007-02-21 05:02:41 · answer #1 · answered by Baby #3 due 10/13/09 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh wow! Been there to a degree with my own sister.
The truth is there is nothing you can do or say to your sister that will change her behavior. Don't fool yourself into thinking that she's not aware that her behavior is hurting her children. She knows. There are just some parents out there who have such severe personal issues (many of which they feel they can "solve" by having children) and when they realize having children does not make things easier or better, and that they are now more tied down than ever, they run and find ways to justify their behavior.
Not to mention what her neglectful and hurtful behavior does to you and your mother! This may sound like a passive thing to do, but your main concern is the well being of these kids and confronting your sister (I'm speaking from experience) may only cause her to get angry and pull the kids out of your mom's house and into the apartment/home of her current squeeze and from what I'm getting, THAT would be a bad, unsafe, unhealthy situation for those poor children.
If she's already on the neglect list and she's still not facing up to responsibility, all you can do is be there as the supportive, parental figures on those kids' lives, keep them on a good routine, don't let them get away with bad behavior (which is easy to do by blaming it on their acting out due to the stress in their lives), keep them focused on school or other activities (if they're not yet school-aged) and get them into therapy. Please see to this. If money is an issue, most state/government funded insurance plans do cover some forms of therapy. Even if you just have them (and you and your mom, too) speak to a respected clergy member, these kids need someone on the outside telling them they're OK and it's NOT THEIR FAULT that their mom prefers to be out doing God knows what than being their mom.
Good luck and don't forget that you are just as affected by your sister's behavior as those kids. Talk to someone, get it all out, be MAD at your sister if feel it and do your best to take some personal time for yourself as well, even if it's just a couple hours away from the chaos where you can be alone or spend time with friends. God bless and I hope it works out. Stay strong.
2007-02-21 13:21:39 · answer #2 · answered by Wonderin' 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its nice that your mom is taking care of the kids and all but if she keep doing it your sister is gonna keep having babies cause she know mommy is going to take care of them. You cannot do much for your sister your mom needs to teach her a lesson though it may hurt. She needs to tell to go find her own place give her back the kids so you sister can know what being responsible is, when she have responsibilities like paying her rent her bills and taking care of her kids she will think twice about having jermanie and carolina because that alone is enough to keep her hands full. Tell your mom to let her take care of her responsibility so she will know how it feels to be a parent.
2007-02-21 13:14:18 · answer #3 · answered by Mrspaul 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not much that you can do about the situation because although she is your sister and you love her it is her life and her decisions to make. Bad decision??? Of course, but who are we to judge her life, does she get along with her children she may be having this other baby to have someone to love her or to get attention, it sounds like there is an underlying problem and she may need professional help it is very possible she has post partum or she may be depressed there are lots of possibilities. I would suggest if you guys have a good relationship as siblings to talk to her without accussing her or putting her down. Let her know you love her and you just want to help her and just ask her what you can do to help her you'd be surprised what a heart to heart can accomplish. Also let her know her other kids need their mother in their lives. She may just need to hear that someone is on her team :0)
2007-02-21 13:18:36 · answer #4 · answered by Lady A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me from my experience from my sister, it was not successful. I approached her in a nice manner and told her what i thought. She did not take it very well. just support her and ask her if she really thinks it is a good idea. Tell your mom to not take care of her children as much and she will have to become more independent. Good Luck
2007-02-21 12:56:23 · answer #5 · answered by !~!Cheara!~! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing you can do or say to her. She's probably doing it to keep him. She probably don't like her other kids because their father abandoned them. She's just looking for love and to be wanted, but I hate to say that a baby is not going to guarantee her that or that his guy will stay with her.
2007-02-21 12:57:48 · answer #6 · answered by mypassions4life 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
damn, is her name Angie?
Been there, done that with someone. There is NOTHING you can do. You can try to get DSS involved, but they probably won't help either.
Good luck to you. I think people should have to get a license or have a permit to be able to have kids.
2007-02-22 17:48:44 · answer #7 · answered by trying2bhelpful 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋