My whole inlaw family drinks, My husband's grandfather died of alcohol poisoning, and they showed my husband at a young age that drinking was okay. They told me a story that they didn't have formula for their son so they gave him beer when they were on a car trip! I have two small children and my step mother in law always has a wine glass in her hand, My husband's grandmother does too, They drink crown royal, wild turkey, and other hard drinks. I'm afraid that when my 2 year old and 11 month old grow up they will see that drinking is okay because their family does it. How can I shield them from this? I just can't cut our children off cold turkey from their family. They live 15 to 20 mins away. My husband is 24 years old and if he gets a drink they will put him down because he is drinking their alcohol. It's very weird, what to do?
2007-02-21 04:42:23 · 18 answers · asked by fourcheeks4 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
The best way to teach your children is by example. As long as you're not drinking like they do, they'll learn your values. Have an open dialogue with your children and your opinion on drinking as they're growing up. Don't put down your in-laws, but talk about how drinking is bad for you when done to excess, and when you're driving and all that. The occasional visit to the in-laws won't corrupt them, but MAKE SURE that the in-laws never drive with the children and that they don't get so smashed that they can't care for the children. If you're not comfortable leaving your kids with them, then you'll just always have to do supervised visits. If they complain about that, tell them exactly why.
2007-02-21 04:49:23 · answer #1 · answered by Nasubi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't go over there. Instead invite them to your home and let them know it's alcohol free. That's not a great image for your children to be growing up around. I'm not a prude and a glass or two of wine at dinner or afterwards is fine. But, always having it in your hand signifies a bigger problem - can't say no to it. It's an addiction.
My parents had to cut ties with my dad's family for a while also. It's was worse than drinking, but it did our family much better. I just wish my grandma/granpa would have done the right thing instead of not caring they only saw us at Christmas. Still today they only see us once a year...same goes with my sons...
The "other" thing was more important than their family. I know it's hard to do...and breaks your heart...but you can't sacrafice your children to their ways.
2007-02-21 05:42:41 · answer #2 · answered by Baby #3 due 10/13/09 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children for the most part will learn from the parents. If you instill in your children that drinking is somewhat acceptable but not necessary, you should be okay. They need to interact with your husband's family (they need to have some kind of bond, it's only fair) and you have to ensure that their safe while visiting there. Once they get older they will understand that their behavior is not all that common or acceptable and they may not want to be part of it.
But for now, make sure your children enjoy their visits and know that children are the products of their parents, to a point. Not all of us are exactly like our parents (yikes, who would want to be), if you do your best to raise them, the rest is up to them.
2007-02-21 04:55:58 · answer #3 · answered by trojan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try to stay away as much as you can. your children will grow up to think that it is alright.
besides i have heard that being an alcoholic coming from an alcoholic family can be genetic. but what do i know.
anyways my fiance could be considered an alcoholic and his dad is a recovering alcoholic (he hasn't had a drink in years) ok to the point, the whole family loves to drink and it is a serious problem. my fiance THANK GOD doesn't drink like they do NOW. he use to till he finally opened his eyes and realized that life can be better. he still drinks but only occasionally now. just be careful and stay away...
2007-02-21 04:53:23 · answer #4 · answered by mmh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just point out the negative aspects when your kids are around these people. Your kids aren't around them constantly, like every day, so they're getting most of their example from you. I'm sure your inlaws get loutish, sleepy, embarassing sometimes. Make sure your kids know it's from the booze, and they'll draw their own negative conclusions.
I know from experience. My aunt was (and would be still) an alcoholic, always - like you say - with a glass of wine in her hand. She could barely hold a coherent conversation sometimes, and was impossible to get off the phone. Definitely not a positive image of alcohol in my head from that, when I was growing up.
2007-02-21 04:45:37 · answer #5 · answered by Steven D 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just try to stay away from that side of the family. It is bad for your kids and you have to put them first. Do NOT allow them to bring any drinks to your house. When you are in a position that your children see their grandparents/aunts/uncles drink, just explain what the effects of that are on your life and that it is not the right thing for them to do.
2007-02-21 05:19:18 · answer #6 · answered by Patti T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you shoud do is that when every you go visit your in-laws.. you go with your husband...and when your kids older explain to them drinking is bad.... Just be with your kids.. and make some thing up and take them home.. say they need nap or you need to go home do some stuff... or you can always invite your in-laws to your house but explain to them that you house is no drinking because of two kids...
2007-02-21 05:27:35 · answer #7 · answered by babyg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can teach them about drinking. Just b/c they come from a family who are alcoholics doesn't mean they will do the same. My dad's side of the family are true alcoholics, but me and my siblings aren't alcoholics. We saw how it affected them and chose not to live our life like that. Its up to you to teach them to not let anyone influence them negatively.
2007-02-21 05:00:53 · answer #8 · answered by mypassions4life 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Invite them to your house for get togethers. Make sure they know that it is an alcohol free family time. Serve iced tea and lemonaide. If they show up with liquor, either you or your significant other needs to sit down and have a serious discussion.
2007-02-21 04:47:15 · answer #9 · answered by aiminhigh24u2 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
They can visit your children at your home, and you don't permit alcohol in your home. You can't do much about what they do in their own home, but you don't have to take your children into that environment. Would you take your children to a "shot and beer" bar or a brothel just so they could visit your in-laws?
2007-02-21 04:48:30 · answer #10 · answered by Mike M. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋