So I have been with this girl for 5 years. We broke up for a year and have only done long distance. I love in LA and she lives in Boston and she has given me a deadline of April 1 to get enagaged or she is leaving. I told her that I need to live in the same city with her for just a bit to make sure it works and then I would propose. She isn't budging and refuses to come out here without a ring. I am a big believer in living together first, or at least in the same city for a while! I promised her it would happen this year if she moved out here. She won't budge. What can I do??
2007-02-21 04:32:52 · 24 answers · asked by micg70 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If this girl is not budging on this, what else won't she budge with? Sounds like if you pick her, you are picking a rocky road. I see her point to an extent that if she picks up and moves all the way across the country she wants some kind of committment ahead of time, but if you can't do that, I see your honesty meeting her stubbornness. Of course, you COULD always propose, let her move out here, and then call it off if it did not work out. If she wants you bad anough, she will come around--or maybe she is looking for a way to blame you for a relationship she wants to end.
2007-02-24 17:50:04 · answer #1 · answered by Katykins 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An engagement is a big step in a relationship and takes something to determine if it is the right person or the right time, If your girlfriend is pressuring you into getting engaged before you are ready she will push you awy before she has a chance to leave the relationship by the deadline, it seems that she does not understand your position and the fact that you want to be where she is so you can do it if that is still what you plan to do, Just let her know that If she can't accept waiting patiently then maybe she needs to re-think about what she wants, You probably don't want to get stern with her in a certain aspect but you know if you can get her to wait long enough without some deadline then it might make things easier between you and her. She is not making things any easier on you to start with because she is in a rush, it is time you put your foot down in a respectful manner and let her know what you think and feel, then maybe you might get her to bite.
2007-02-21 12:41:53 · answer #2 · answered by gordonflames242003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not fair of her to give you a deadline like that, but at the same time, when you've been with someone for 5 years, it's decision time. It's also not fair of you to expect her to give up her life to live with you, if you're not willing to do the same. I suggest both of you move somewhere that's not Boston or LA. That way if things don't work out, it's not as if one of you gave up everything for the other. I agree that living in the same city for a while is important, but if you've been together for 5 years and this is the first time it's coming up?
The relationship seems very conditional. "If I do this, then you have to do this. If you do this, I'll do that." Why not just do whatever it takes to be together or to make it work? It doesn't always have to be 50/50 perfectly even or fair.
2007-02-21 12:41:48 · answer #3 · answered by GLSigma3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand where you're coming from. It's been a long distance thing and you want to make sure it still goes fine when it's NOT long distance. I mean, you 2 broke up for A YEAR. But don't move in together first. THAT is a bad idea. But atleast living in the same city first is a good idea.
She is REALLY pushy. I think YOU should give HER an ultimatum. Tell her YOU will just give up on her if she continues acting like a spoiled brat. I think she will stop once you do that.
Tell her, "If you keep pushing me to propose to you, I'M NOT. You need to have patience and respect me."
2007-02-21 12:38:58 · answer #4 · answered by ( Kelly ) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she needs to give you an ultimatum then she's not the girl for you. I would think that if she wanted to be married so badly then she'd be willing to make a sacrifice and move out there. What does she see in Boston anyway??? I live in this state and I've been to Boston and most of the people are rude and obnoxious, the weather is cold and the city is crime ridden and dirty. Aside from some of it's cultural spots it's not a good place at all to live. I can't understand why she wouldn't want to live out in LA...
I think you should just stick to your guns no matter how much you love her. You have a life out there and she shouldn't ask you to give it up for something that she's demanding...
2007-02-21 12:38:02 · answer #5 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is an easy answer.
Do you love her enough to marry her? Have you both been faithful to eachother? I can see you must love her if you have stuck it out for 5 years and living long distance. Not many relationships can handle that. I think its worth it to me. but only you know whats in your heart. But if your promising her a ring if she moves out there, then whats the difference than getting it for her first. Shes willing to move there for you so you dont have to leave the place you love. Try and understand where she is coming from. She has decided to give up her home for yours, she probably has a job and friends there that she will be leaving Im sure she wants that ring for proof you are serious about her. I wouldnt want to leave everything behind and move across country if there is doubt in the relationship. If you have thought you really do want to marry her. Then I d say get yourself a plane ticket fly ur self over to her and surprise her with u there and a ring on her finger!
Good Luck!
2007-02-21 13:07:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Long distance relationships are never as they seem and in my opinion don't work. You don't get to truly know someone when you don't get to spend time with them. If she is giving you a deadline and says she is leaving I would call her bluff. If she really loves you and wants to be with you she won't leave, chances are she is just talking and trying to scare you into doing something that you are not ready to do. The idea that you have about living with the person or at least in the same city first is a very good idea. I would definately wait, call her bluff, and see how things go. People can't say that they are in a true commited relationship in a long distance situation and unless you live with that person or get to be with them on a daily basis you really can have no clue on who that person really is. It's true what they say..you never know a person until you live with them. This may sound gay but the proper thing for you to do is to follow your heart. If you were truly ready then I'd say go for it but your having doubts and there is nothing wrong with that. Being unsure is better than doing something that you may regret later. If you two are meant to be and she loves you she won't leave, if she does leave then she never really cared and wasn't serious about making things work. True love is all about sacrifices, honesty and communication. There is usually always a story behind a closed door and she may not be the one for you. In today's society things are taken too lightly and with not enough seriousness. There is too much cheating and lying to be positive that a long distance relationship has no grounds for trust and true love.
2007-02-21 12:48:11 · answer #7 · answered by angeleyes1981_25 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If that is the case then let het go.I know that you are probaly not ready to do that,but if she is giving you ultimatems then she obviously doesnt love you.Marriage is just a piece of paper that makes it official.It does not guarentee that couples are not going to cheat and that you are going to be together 4-ever...So what is the point really?For some they really need the security and I never could really understandhow that made them feel anymore secure than not being narried...I have been with my boyfriend on and off for 11 years and we are not married...I do eventually want to marry him, but I have no rush.I think that things change sometimes when people get married!!!Good luck to you in whatever you decide,but I would not propose for just that reason(so she doesnt leave) I think that she will relize that she is being way wrong.Again good luck~!
2007-02-21 12:41:26 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not do it. You need to, at least, live in the same state for a while. I understand her not moving without a ring. How did you meet anyway. Have you ever consider moving to Boston? This is not a real realationship if it was long distance the entire time.
2007-02-21 12:38:54 · answer #9 · answered by Mo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is giving you an ultimatum...how do you feel about that? I would not like athat at all. It seems like you two are having communication problems , both of your needs are not being met. Do you think getting engaged and married is going to fix this? It won't. Marriage is forever, it is not something that consists of deadlines and threats. Its about love and commitment and building a life together. Good luck
2007-02-21 12:38:44 · answer #10 · answered by Bo B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋