Here is my problem...a good guy friend of mine (and childhood friend of the groom) has a wife who had me in their wedding. Now it is time for us to get married and I am not too thrilled about having to ask her to be in the wedding because her and I are not that close. We hang out with them quite a bit, but her and I don't really have a close connection. The reason why we are not so close is because she tends make everything about her. She doesn't really treat me like a friend, more like a competitor. Anyway, my dilemma is if I don't ask her, I know she will be hurt and so will her husband, who is my friend as well as my fiance's. If I do ask her, I have to put up with her half-a$$ed help and talking about herself and what she did at her wedding the entire time, comparing hers with mine in a negative way. What should I do! I know we will be friends with them forever because of him, so I really don't want to offend them over one day. Help!
2007-02-21 04:29:05 · 15 answers · asked by Kiki 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
P.S. She recently had a baby and is already talking about how happy she is that she is not going to be pregnant for our wedding...that leads me to believe that she probably thinks we are going to ask her. Plus she has already shown me some places she would want the reception at as well as given me some bridal magazines and offered to let me borrow her jewelry...so maybe she really is trying to be supportive.
2007-02-21 05:56:23 · update #1
I think you already answered your own question. You need to have her in your wedding for the sake of your future husband. This means you will have to ignore the meddling and comparisons, smile politely, thank her for her suggestions then do things your way. If she is as bad as you say, your other attendants will see through her and not think you are rude. Don't tell her all your plans and she won't have much to go on. If your attendants are helping you with things, make sure you give her something small, have all her supplies already picked out/purchased so you remain in control. You may also need to discuss this with your fiance so he is on the same page. But be careful, this could be a touchy subject.
2007-02-21 04:48:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Kiki, I almost had this same problem - though no connection to my fiance. I have a "friend", let's call her Dee, who for some reason is dead-set on making everything with us a competition - personally I think people like that are insecure and therefore try to mask that by being full of themselves or self-centered - anyway, because of this she and I have frequent "tiffs". Through Dee I have become close to a friend,let's call her Lee, and when I got engaged I was at the dilemma of wanting to ask Lee to be a maid, but NOT ask Dee. To make it short, instead of risking hurting anyone's feeling and not putting Lee in the middle of a bad situation, I asked them both. BIG MISTAKE - to make it even shorter, Lee is a bridesmaid and Dee is not, I totally withdrew my invitation because I didn't want her ruining my wedding. With that said, it's YOUR wedding, I don't care what the connection - if she's going to make your time and day harder, and not easier, then don't ask her. Explain this to your fiance and hopefully he'll understand. If he doesn't and it's that important to you, just put your foot down and refuse to ask her. Trust me, trying to keep the peace and asking her will blow up in your face, she doesn't sound like she's going to change or mask her ways for you during your special time. Good luck.
2007-02-21 04:58:46 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH MY GOSH....take it from personal experience, if you have any doubts about putting her in your wedding then DON'T!!! I had a girl in my wedding that sounds exactly like the girl you're describing (except for the being in her wedding). She was a good friend of my husband and I, but she always had to be the center of attention. She criticized everything I picked out and did for the wedding, and to top it all off, she split her dress ten minutes before the ceremony was to start so that was all that anyone was talking about. (Nice way to put a damper on my day) But honestly, if you feel that it may cause tension between you, your husband and the other couple I would have her do something small, like passing out programs or being responsible for the guest book, this way she still feels included but you don't have to worry about her comments.
Best of luck and many happy years of wedded bliss!
2007-02-21 05:45:32 · answer #3 · answered by rbyslippers83 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very politely explain that you have other people in mind and ask her if she would help in some other way that won't be as demanding. Ask her to help with the reception and ask your friends and family to deal with her.
It's your wedding day and just because you were in hers doesn't mean she needs be in yours. Make sure your fiance is on board with your choice b/c you will need his support.
Noses can be rubbed the wrong way, but with this important day people need to get over themselves. This is a day of celebration and it should be an honor to be even invited. Now you can't say that, but try to explain the situation and ask friends and family for help keeping her away from driving you nuts on your special day.
Good luck!
2007-02-21 04:39:05 · answer #4 · answered by amanda w 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you have an extra slot to even it out then maybe the best thing is to be nice and ask her to be in the party. Otherwise you could just ask her to be a greeter, a reader or some other part of the ceremony.
Both of my sisters really wanted to be in our wedding, but do not want to be bridesmaids since they are not that close to my fiance.
2007-02-21 04:33:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You ask who you want. It doesn't matter what weddings you've been in. I've been in several weddings and some of those friends wont be in mine. One thing I feel like helps me let my friends down easily -- my fiance wants a small wedding party so I had to cut it down to 2 (or however many). I wish you could be in it but I had to fight just to get as many girls as I have and they have been best friends forever... something like that.
2007-02-21 05:57:14 · answer #6 · answered by JennyJo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never been in a wedding party when someone did not talk about their own or someone else's wedding.
Just wait...you'll do it too!
I would just suck it up, grin and bear it, and be gracious. After all, it is one day. If you see her often, you will avoid a world of uncomfortable situations by doing this. Sometimes we all have to do things out of obligation. It's part of being a grown up. (I don't like it either.)
But please don't ask her to do the guestbook. That's like asking someone to standing in the middle of the room alone and smile awkwardly at everyone. It's a consolation prize at the very most. (And I'm sorry if I've offended anyone who's done that. I've done it, and just felt silly.)
And sometimes, too, we really underestimate people and create drama where there is none. Please ask yourself if this is one of those times.
2007-02-21 05:04:30 · answer #7 · answered by Karen? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just don't ask her! I had this same problem when I got married....but you just have to suck it up and NOT have her in the wedding. She will understand, and if she doesn't she is definitely NOT a friend! Just because you were in her wedding does not secure her a spot in yours. If you ask her to be in yours you will regret it forever! If she makes a big deal out of not being in it, then just explain your feelings to her and move on. Eventually things will calm down and you will completely forget about it....
2007-02-21 04:45:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are never obligated to have any one in your wedding. if the male friend is all ready in the wedding on the grooms side then it shouldn't make a differenace. Don't comprmoise your happiness on your wedding day for her.
If your friend cant understand that maybe you should sit down and tlak to him about it.
2007-02-21 04:40:15 · answer #9 · answered by Jessica S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, you would not be happy with the woman as your bridesmaid. Plus you do NOT want her to still your thunder, it sounds like she's that type! Tell her you have a budget and you are only having a limited bridal party - just family. If she is half decent she would understand. x
2007-02-21 04:35:22 · answer #10 · answered by Fairy Dust :*:*: 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋