Please tell me how not to feel alone..?

Question

Ever since i lost my father in 2002, i have felt a sence of emptyness and i have fallen into two very unhealthy relationships because I am afraid to be alone. How do i mend my heart without feeling like a need for a man in my life?

Answer 1

Feeling alone is difficult to deal with, but you don't need men to fix yourself any more than you need anyone else. While you shouldn't actively avoid getting close to men, try to take things really slow and don't compare men to your father. Chances are that no one will ever really fill that void that your father left in your heart. While this is really cliche, the best thing to remember is that your father is in a better place and he watches over just as much as he used to, maybe even more.

I didn't appreciate who my father was and what he meant to me until he died last year at only 54 years old. He had spent the last fifteen years of his life dying very slowly and painfully and I just didn't have the ability to understand how hard it was for him. Now that he's gone, I realize so much more than I ever did and it wasn't this overnight revalation or anything. It took time, it took me remembering everything in a different light (through his eyes) in order to really understand.

Your father is watching over you and there is no need to replace him. Talk to him if you like. It's not that strange. Many beliefs worship their ancestors and respect them for the knowledge they left behind. While you don't have to go so far as worship, there is nothing wrong with having a little talk. It may feel silly, I know, but it can help. I used to have dreams every night that I was talking to my father and it was very comforting because in the last one I ever had, I cried because he was gone. He said I was being silly because he had never left me and he never would.

You don't need anybody to make you who you are and you don't need to be alone just because you are not in a relationship. Rely on your friends and family for support in this and they can help you through and you'll probably help them too. Let happiness come to you. It is a choice that we all make. No one has to be miserable and alone. One day at a time.

I hope you find some peace, dear.

Answer 2

I don't think that you are necessarily afraid to be alone. I think that you are trying to fill some other sort of void in your life. And I also think that you may just be bored, depressed, and lacking stimulation. If you are still having problems dealing with the loss of your father, then go to a therapist. If you need companionship, join a church or volunteer organization and meet new people. Feeling the "need" for a man in your life sound like you may have serious codependency issues that have nothing to do with losing your father, and you need to work on working through these problems. A man in your life is just going to complicate things.

Answer 3

I am sorry for your loss. I think a good idea would be for you to get into a group counseling session, a berievement group. You can get support through that group. Maybe become involved in another type of group, a group that goes on activites together. That way your time is occupied, and it will take your mind off of your sense of lonliness. I think getting into Bible study, if u are a believer, might help u also. Remembering what the bible says about this stuff may have an impact on the way you feel. Remember that if you want to change it's up to you. Affirmations daily, and make a choice.

Answer 4

Well if he is in Australia already and is telling you he is alone. He may be trying to let you down easy and planning to move on. If he is still state side and saything this, he is trying to get some attention from you. Apologize for not knowing what too say, tell him you were in shock at the idea of being seperated from him for so long. Not knowing why he is going poses a problem. Sometimes seperation is good for a relationship. Be willing and open to what may happen. Life goes on no matter what. Good Luck

Answer 5

.Instead of looking for companionship in a not so good man, get a pet, whether it be a dog, cat or rabbit. Or instead when you would usually have that guy time do something else like volunteer or take up a hobby. I know what it feels like to lose someone close, but putting your self in a bad situation isn't making it any better. Maybe you should also try to talk to someone to help you deal with you loss

Answer 6

try filling your life up with volunteering at a senior center or a community center. Seek some counseling at your church. try to get involved in something that heals you emotionally. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope that time will soften your pain. Celebrate what your father meant to you, the charity you chose or type of volunteering you do, make it something that he would have done, or maybe from what took him from you, say cancer, you could donate your time to helping out cancer patients.

You are not alone, we are here, and there are a lot of people who have lost their fathers as well, you are not alone. :)

Answer 7

It's natural to feel alone but you need to stay occupied. Pick up a sport like going to the gym, tennis, racquetball, bowling, or softball. Pick up a hobby such as stamp collecting, autograph collecting, or photography. Pick one night a week to treat yourself to coffee at the book shop. Pick up volunteering at Habitat for Humanity or a nursing home one day/night per week. Keep your mind occupied so you don't dwell on the passing of your father. Hope this helps.

Answer 8

I must admit that I have no idea what it is like to loose a father.

I do however know what it's like to feel alone. Despite my best attempts, I've been unable to convince a girl to like me in over two years and must admit that I too am worried (more worried the afraid) that I will end up permanently alone.

I've found that the best way to deal with these feelings is simple to suppress and ignore them, and hope that they go away.

Answer 9

Read William series by richmal crompton...they keep ya company n give ya a lotta ideas too

Answer 10

get a pet, they take up time and are great listners! they depend on you and they are loveable.
Join Big Brother/Sister... and help some other kids who may have lost parents.
Join a class, like gormet cooking, or wine tasting... it may introdue you to new and cool people!!