what is your take on spoiling children..see details?

Question

i have a 2 year old, an only child...he doesnt beg for stuff in the store...but..i love to buy him tons of crap anyways....my husband says im going to turn him into a brat...but i cant help it..thats what i like to spend my money on...i love to see him happy with his new junk

Answer 1

I believe that it isn't toys that spoil a child - it's allowing him to have his way and get away with defiant misbehavior. My son is overloaded with toys, most of which I did not buy. He is not spoiled, however - he's a well-behaved 3-year-old who says yes ma'am, yes sir, please, thank you, excuse me, and you're welcome. He sometimes tries to throw a tantrum, but it doesn't get him anywhere and he knows it.

That being said, I think you can overdo it on the toys. If you overstimulate a child, he won't use his imagination. I frequently go through my son's toys and give them away. He never plays with all of it anyway. Make sure you aren't subconsciously trying to buy his love.

Answer 2

I'd be wary. I did exactly the same with my first son, bought him everything, couldn't go out without buying him something whether it was a book or a new toy or a new outfit. he wasn't spoiled at all, just like your little boy...until he turned 3!! He then started throwing tantrums because he'd come to expect things and didn't see why he couldn't have it. He was my first child so I do admit I went completely overboard. He had about 20 different sets of bedding, outfits we didn't even have room for because his wardrobe was already crammed full, toys all over the place etc. It will come back and bite you in the a..ss! When my second son was born I'd well and truly learned my lesson and did things differently. It's all trial and error, you learn from your mistakes. He's now behaving much better because I'M behaving much better. I still treat him when he's been a good boy but it's nowhere near as much as I used to buy. He prefers playing with mummy now rather than the latest "must have" toy. I now tend to buy things that we can all do together like board games and lots of arts and crafts stuff. We made lots of Christmas cards last year and sent them to all our relatives and he loved it. He got to pour on all the glitter and do the gluing. I think it's WHAT you buy rather than how much you buy that makes kids happy.

Answer 3

These are things I think parents can do to help a child turn into a good and grateful individual:

-Be there for them - always be available to them, so that they have someone to talk to to, look up to

-Set a good example - be good person and a moral person and they will recognize that

-Teach them about financial responsibility, give them an allowance at a young age and make them responsible for how they spend it. Teach them how to balance a check book and pay bills and to be aware of their credit score.

-Keep on on their school work, check on them to see if they are doing ok in school

-Help them become self sufficient - at an early age teach them how to run a household, my 3 yr old helps me with laundry, and I think in a few months, he will be able to do it completely on his own.

-Communicate - talk their damn ear off if you have to just talk to them about EVERYTHING, when my son (3 yrs) says " I can't do it," most of the time I make sure to tell him you can do anything and I tell him to repeat "I can do anything."

Seriously, a person ending up spoiled rotten it's not because they were bought a lot of toys when they were 2 or 3. Those that have wealthy parents and get whatever they want, they also get emotionally neglected and the parenta are rarely there for them because they are busy nmaking money, to teach them about life, to show them how to bake cookies or do laundry or to balance a check book.
That's what makes or breaks a person, I'm sure you are not spending $25 each time you buy a toy ( I hope not). I buy my son something almost everytime we go somewhere, but it is usually a $1 hot wheel or a $2-3 toy.

Once in a while I will spend $10 on something. I also tell him, "you need to be grateful for these things, many people don't have what you have." and he repeats, "yea I'm grayful" even though he has no clue what it means yet.

Answer 4

Yea you might possibly be raising a brat lol. Sorry to put it so blunt. Theres a fine line between buying your son "junk" and buying him everything lol. I sure hope you dont buy him things every place you go. Trust me hes satisfied now, but as he gets older, hes going to want bigger better things, and they dont come cheap lol. And if you dont get those things, hes going to be mad! He needs to learn how to be told no. You will solve alot of your problems at a younger age, so when they are older you are better ready to handle these things. Your going to get yourself backed into a corner, it happens all the time. i have four boys and i know what you mean, it is fun to buy them things and spoil them and yadda yadda yadda but you will learn the hard way. Our older children were never spolied, now that they are in school i sit home with our now 4 year old, and he gets more than any of the others ever got, and i can see how much more of a head case the 4 year old is lol. If we walk in a store and he doesnt get something he pouts and just keeps talking about it and yea it does get frustrating! Just be careful in how you go about buying him things, and make sure its not becomming more than you can afford, our 4 year old is having a hard time dealing with change, from getting things, to hardly getting anything. But its worth it. I dont want a brat! GOODLUCK!!!

Answer 5

BE CAREFUL. You may be teaching your son a "bad" object lesson in life without knowing it. The day will come when your son will need to learn that you don't get everything in life handed to you, so if you're constantly buying him stuff he'll eventually learn that he can go to Mom anytime he wants something. Then what happens when you stop buying him all this stuff? Will he learn that he has to work for the things he wants? Probably not. He'll just come to you and beg and manipulate, and if that doesn't work he'll throw a tantrum. Which brings me to my next point: Another "bad" object lesson you may be teaching him is to place value and happiness in material things. If you buy him all this stuff he may learn that he who has the most toys wins, and you don't want him to become materialistic and shallow, do you? My advice is to dial it WAY back. You can buy him a few things here and there, but stop lavishing him with stuff he doesn't need.

Answer 6

I agree with your husband. You are giving your child too much. That is not "love" you are giving him.

Your son may not be demanding everything in site just yet but he will when he sees that you buy him anything he wants, and he will be the one telling you in the near future just what that is. And he WILL have you around his little finger.

Trust me I've seen many children become BRATS in no time and it's directly the parent's fault, not the child.

You are not encouraging your child to play and explore his surroundings, but you are teaching him that objects are what should be stimulating his mind and you will grow to regret that.

He will soon easily bore with everything and want more and more and more, and he will play with stuff for a day then toss it aside. Watch and tell me that I'm wrong!

Besides, your house will soon become a junkyard of toys too. You are better off encouraging the "arts" and music and drawing and the likes. This will stimulate their minds and get them thinking creatively.

Answer 7

I'm guilty to a certain degree too. My daughter is the center of my world so why not spend a few dollars on something that she's be tickled with for a few days. I want her to have all the little perks in life I didn't have as a kid. I would say set yourself a # limit not a $ limit. Only 3 special things a week. And reassess if your child starts to whine or expect it!

Answer 8

Why not save the money you spend on "tons of crap" for his college education. By the time he gets into college there will be fewer scholarships offered, tuition will have mulitplied by almost ten times. Beginning in 2006 studen loan companies started making out contracts that require student loans to be paid in full within a year of graduation, so I am sure he is going to need money to get into college. Unless you don't plan for him to go to college...maybe plan for him to remain in a "would you like fries with that" minimum wage job?
My daughter is an only child however I "spoiled" her with time with me rather than "things".

Answer 9

If you can afford it fine. Chances are you'll end up with all kinds of stuff that he really isn't interested in. Once he gets older teach him to share and disipline with consistency. You buying him all that stuff mostly makes you feel good. And you'll eventually grow out of that when you have to clean his room. Don't throw any unbroken stuff away - give it away to kids who need it. For an experiment - give him a pot and pan from you kitchen cabinet and I'll bet he loves it!! If your happy - he'll be happy. So don't stop buying him stuff - unless you want to. Sounds like your a good mom off to a good start - with a good husband to help curb things!

Answer 10

Yes this is spoiling your child. You are not teaching him to appreciate the things he has. You are showing him that spending money and buying new things is what makes you happy..thus it should make him happy...
I do suffer from the same affliction as I love to by my boys new toys.. as it make them so happy! It is not good though.. If we want our children to grow up to be happy and fulfilled we have to teach them to be happy with what they have and not be materialist. I try real hard to only get him something new for a special treat and talk to him about the thing he just got and that getting new things is not something that happens all the time..
Also at their age (mine is three) they do not fully appreciate the new thing for long as they are just as happy to play with a new box as they are with a new $19.99 toy.