that read.."Thank you for your understanding over everything, but the central truth is I let you down terribly, I didn't live up to your expectations or even my own. You deserve so much more than I gave you. My mind keeps going back to the amount of times I upset you and I still feel I upset you way too much, it was never my intention to do so, but I kept doing so by just being me, I don't know how to change anymore, I don't know what to change into, but, I know to make you happy, I need to change. Otherwise I am just going to put you through the same cycles of upset and disappointment, I really don't want to do that, it hurts too much to upset you. Life and love shouldn't be about being upset and depressed, I think you need to ask yourself what you really need and want, see if I tick some or any of the boxes because I want you to be happy and love life, I don't want to be the cause of you being upset and hurt.I love you and I always will. I just need to ask myself some questions.."
2007-02-21 02:08:50 · 21 answers · asked by S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
So was he trying to tell me he wants to get out of the relationship
2007-02-21 02:09:36 · update #1
I have sent him emails and tried to reassure him but he still felt the same way. He did not take my calls when I called him.
We had a couple of arguments and I got emotional and cried, which made him feel he hurt my feelings. He let me down big time once but it was not totally his fault.
I tried everything I could to try to talk to him but he is being totally irresponsive now
2007-02-21 02:25:48 · update #2
It sounds like his emails saying "Its not you its me"
Everything happens for a reason
Good Luck
2007-02-21 02:17:51 · answer #1 · answered by TD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is feeling like he can't make you happy being his self, and that is a bad thing for him, he says that he wants you to be happy but he has to change,
There are very few that actually need time to ask themselves questions..but if the relationship is serious and he truly cares and it REALLY bothers him, that you are upset a lot, then you to need to do some thinking, you have to toughen up a bit, take the main, not petty stuff that bothers you, and think about it. Ask yourself can I deal with this if he doesn't change? Be blunt about asking if he want to continue the relationship...give and take.Remember, guys are logical and women are emotional-emotions get in the way, some times you've got to set them a side to see what is real. Would you want to hold on to him, if he feels that he is always upsetting you and he is hurt by this? Think on that one, I think it may help, Good luck on this one.
2007-02-21 02:27:19 · answer #2 · answered by CJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably doesn't want to break up but can't think of anything else to do.
You have been through cycles of upset and disappointment. It looks as though you might have said some hurtful things to him when you were upset. It also looks as though you apologised.
He thinks he is to blame, but doesn't really understand what is going on, e.g. " I don't know how to change anymore". Also hasn't really done anything wrong - he upset you "by just being me"
This is the kind of message you would get if you have been subjecting him to emotional abuse. He loves you, but now he's totally confused, his self-esteem is destroyed, he knows only that whatever he does he hurts you and he doesn't want to hurt you because he loves you so he feels bad about himself and he blames himself .
The logical thing for him to do, as he sees it, is to stop hurting you by getting out of your life. So he'll probably want to break up. He may give it another go, but if the cycles repeat he'll leave eventually. When he does go, it will not be long before you are both feeling much happier, so it will actually be a good thing.
I don't know the exact circumstances of your relationship, there may be another explanation for the email. But you should look really hard at how you treated him to make sure that the above explanation is not the correct one.
In particular do you:
Tell him he's bad, stupid, useless etc?
Ask him to do two things that are contradictory and tell him off for not doing one or other?
Tell him off for doing things that you yourself do too?
Tell him to do something then tell him off for doing it?
Tell him off for doing something, then tell him off for doing the opposite?
Tell him his friends or family are a bad influence or are bad, stupid, useless etc?
Apologise, explaining that you are in particular circumstance that makes you very sensitive to whatever it was he did? [So in fact you are still blaming him for your outburst]
2007-02-21 02:44:28 · answer #3 · answered by lawomicron 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did your bf hurt you a lot? Why is he feeling so guilty? Do you have expectations of him that's stressing him out? Why don't you talk it through with him. Each of the points he has put in this email to you is something that bothers him. The only thing you can do is reassure him-talk to him about each point-but don't be sad it if he wants to take a break from the relationship and work things through himself. He sounds like he needs a bit of time alone. Good luck with it. Things will work out-just takes time.
2007-02-21 02:21:06 · answer #4 · answered by BKYW 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he's letting you know that he dont want to hurt you and when he does hurt you at times he hurts himself just to see you hurt and he loves you too much to put you threw all of what he says he's putting you threw and to me he sounds like a good man! but let me tell you every relationship you have is gonna have ups and downs but it's a part of life so what you think you wanna do!!
2007-02-21 02:17:45 · answer #5 · answered by Breezy Baby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid that is what is referred to as passive aggression. Hun, I'm sorry, but from reading it, it sounds as if he is looking for an out, at least for now. That must be awful to read that, but one of the ways that people break up is to say things that avoid confrontation: "It's not you, it's me.", "I just can't be with someone right now." "I've got a lot on my mind." It's a well-meaning but cowardly way of saying things are over or at a standstill. I would for your sake ask him to be honest about his feelings and not evasive. You may not like the answer, but you will certainly get some of it. I'm so sorry for this.
2007-02-21 02:15:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. no guy writes long emails, if he is doing so, he is special. there duznt have to be anything between the lines necessarily.
2. forget ego, pls try to TALK to him.
3. if you guyz feel you can RESOLVE ur issues, pls do so. if ur gonna keep dancing around the vicious circle of pain n hurting each other, pls shake hands n part while u can....its easy to say gudbye, if u both can be kind, understanding,loving,forgiving towards each other, then guyz, WHY NOT.....WHO IS STOPPING YOU BUT YOUR OWN SELVES???
2007-02-21 02:18:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is trying to give both of you evaluation in your relationship...to make sure you guys are really for each other by finding out what your likes and dislikes, whether the personalities fit, and is there future between the two of you.
2007-02-21 02:13:59 · answer #8 · answered by FunGuy07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he wants you to reassess the situation. is he making you unhappy? and whether u deserve more than he can give. he is saying that he cant change who he is and it seems like who he is hurts you and he does not want to do that anymore. if he is unwilling to change and he is making you sad and hurting you, then maybe you should end the rlshp. i just did that with my bf. we cared for one another but he always made me so sad and hurtful and vice versa just by being who we were and I called it quits cuz it just wasnt meant to be. things were just so difficult.
2007-02-21 02:17:38 · answer #9 · answered by braille 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him space and just let go. He obviously needs time to think. This may not be the one for you.
2007-02-21 02:35:19 · answer #10 · answered by megan261980 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋