I am 24, my partner is 36. I see children in my future. I would be an excellent mother and love the joy that family brings. My partner is not a fan of children. When I talked about this recently asking if he sees any room for children in our future, he thought about it and said it was "a stupid question". Is he right or am I right in thinking this is a problem that cannot be resolved between us? I'd rather not risk having a child with him then him leaving me with the child. I'd rather get out and find someone else who wants to have children. Neither do I want him to lie and say he wants them, just to keep me. But he doesn't want to split up. Is this just too big a difference in opinion?
2007-02-21 01:50:04 · 26 answers · asked by Sultana Of Swing 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Wow - big question.
Personally, I would say that you sound pretty wise and sorted.
a) You should not try to persuade him to have your kids
b) Risking having a child with him, and then be left as a single mum with no father for your kids would be awful.
I think you're more than young enough to fall for someone else who wants kids as much as you do. I would sit down with your partner and explain to him that you want kids and that a relationship without them as a future option would not be worth it for you. Give him some time to think about it but be firm and explain that you will definitely leave if he comes back to you and says he doesn't want them.
You do need to make sure he knows that you won't be angry with him if he decides not to have kids and thus ends the relationship. Having kids is a huge decision and it really isn't everyone's cup of tea, so you need to be sensitive and supportive to your partner if he can't contemplate the idea.
But ultimately, you've got to look after number one - and if your priority is to have kids (as it is for so many of us!) then you've got to pursue your dream.
Good luck!
2007-02-21 01:57:12 · answer #1 · answered by Jane M 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It certainly isn't a "stupid question". This is something you two should be able to talk about. What's stupid is that he doesn't understand that this is an important matter for you. This is something you should think about, in my opinion, do you want to be with someone who whenever you want to talk about something important to you instantly dismisses it and says "it's stupid". I tell you, I wouldn't like to be in a relationship like that. Anyway, the first step that I see is to get him to talk about it and find a solution. Obviously, if you want children and he doesn't then it's a big problem and you should find someone who wants the same things as you, so you can feel happy and see your dreams come true.
2007-02-21 02:07:28 · answer #2 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wasn't a stupid question at all. If you love someone and see yourself spending the rest of your life with them than its obvious that the question of kids would come up. You need to work out if it's worth staying with him if you really see kids in your future because it sounds like he doesn't. Kids can make or break a relationship. If you think you can live the rest of your life with him without kids then you've no problem, as long as you properly discuss it together. My partner was adamant no more kids but i fell pregnant and this caused a huge rift but we spoke about it and he stood by me and now he's the doting dad. He has his moments when he makes comments that he didn't want another child but he loves his son. Sit down, talk to one another
2007-02-21 02:00:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a vision of children in your future and to him that vision is, "A stupid question." You are relatively young and have your whole life ahead of you. You will probably never want to give up the idea of children. As you become older, you will probably want children even more if you do not have them.
In my opinion, this will be a huge issue between you and this guy. The good news is, you can be your own person and seek your own vision of happiness. You can find someone who shares your vision and who will be equally as happy with the idea of children.
Best of luck.
-BD
2007-02-21 02:02:51 · answer #4 · answered by Perfectly Said 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to get and answer from him about children. by saying that it is a stupid question he is avoiding the subject. Instead of asking a vague question about seeing room for kids in the future ask a more direct question like what would your reaction be it i became pregnant next week. You need to decide, that if you want kids and he doesn't, will you stay with him or go find someone else. I wouldn't get pregnant without a firm idea of what his reaction will be.
2007-02-21 02:02:26 · answer #5 · answered by bubbles 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want children and you didn't because your partner didn't i think eventually you would resent him 4 it, If he doesn't and you do it is not worth staying 2gether, find someone that does, having kids is 2 big of part of someones life 2 miss out on. But if u love him enough 2 miss out on having them, u need 2 b prepared 4 alot of heartache. Good luck with your decision x
2007-02-21 08:32:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want children as much as you do then unless he changes his mind i think you might have to move on.Unfotunatley this is not a subject you can compromise on.You either both do or both don't.I don't believe in having to give people ultimatums but this sounds like one of those instances where you might have to.
First thing you should do is get to the bottom of why he doesn't want them.If you can help him overcome that then hopefully you can both sort this out. If not then you will have to put yourself first and go from there.
Wish you guys the best of luck..
2007-02-21 02:00:29 · answer #7 · answered by stuart s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's 36 he's been "free" from obligation and responsibility too long....if you are serious about wanting children...you need to find someone else that shares your enthusiasm.
I'm 44...my kids are grown and the grandkids rarely come around...I have grown accustomed to having kids around and I want more....but the wife says no ...at least until I can get pregnant.
2007-02-21 01:58:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is quite normal for a preferably married couple to have kids.
You should discuss with your partner again to find out why he objects to having children.
I can tell you that I was free & easy with loads of different girlfriends before I settled down with my wife & raised a familly but having kids changed my life for the better.
It is a wonderful experience & I feel sad for what you & your partner are missing.
You know it is quite normal for a couple to make children together
He will come round especially if he truly loves & respects you.
Good luck & happy babies
2007-02-21 02:10:11 · answer #9 · answered by ANDREW H 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to first ask yourself how important it is to you to have kids.
If he responded to your question that it is a stupid question, then I think he's pretty much let you know that he doesn't see children in his future.
Do some soul searching, answer that question I first mentioned, and if you find that your answer is yes.....you need to move on. I think your feelings are right that you don't want to pressure him into having kids, it will not benefit anyone involved, including a child.
Good luck.
2007-02-21 01:58:15 · answer #10 · answered by Just Me 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋